MY LIL SOAP BOX OF JOY!

Been a long time, been a long time now!

2011-10-26T11:45:00.003-06:00

The immortal words of Alison Moyet. Not that any of the other words in the song relate...but wow, it's been a long time since I blogged.

I look back on my life and realize, it's not been one life, it's been multiple lives. Many loves, many friends, many experiences, I am 41 years old (one month shy of 42) and I have had many lives within that 41 years.

The road I am on right now, includes a partner, a 9 year old "step on", a career, a part time job in the mental health world, friends of old, friends of new, a lot of music (as always) and a lot of gratitude for the youth that I still possess.

My family just went to Disneyworld for a family vacation with my younger sister, her family, and my Mom and Dad. What a great trip. Highs and lows of course when you are vacationing with 9 people, but all in all, a fantastic trip.

As I said before, Tristan is 9 and is ever so full of ups and down himself. He is really smart and does great in school, but has a tendency to be lazy. He likes to push boundaries and use manipulation (that he was taught so well from "her that will remain nameless") to get his way. He has a bit of a crush on a girl in his class, they are best friends, but he really wants to impress her. I recall when I was about his age that I started to journal about my crushes, so I don't find it early at all that he's found his "type". I am a bit worried that she's a little Mormon girl, that will cause him some grief in the near future when he's not a church goer, and his mom's are lesbians! :)

My boss at job #1 recommended me for a "fast track to management" program. I applied, but am not sure that I will be picked. We'll see...it's pretty amazing to even be nominated for such a program. Her boss, our regional VP, had to sign off on it as well, so I feel pretty good about it. I will keep you posted!

Well, I just wanted to say hi and catch up for a minute...I will try to come back more often. 2 years is a long time!

TTFN
Heids

My Life According to Depeche Mode

2009-08-17T16:49:00.002-06:00

My Life According to...

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)."

Pick your Artist:
Depeche Mode

Describe yourself:
Precious

How do you feel:
I feel loved

Describe where you currently live:
Home

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Route 66

Your favorite form of transportation:
Behind the wheel

Your best friend:
Personal Jesus

You and your best friend are:
Master and Servant

What's the weather like:
Black Day

Favorite time of day:
Any second now

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Everything counts

What is life to you:
Just can't get enough

Your relationship:
I want you now

Your fear:
Nothing to fear

What is the best advice you have to give:
People are people

Thought for the Day:
Smile in the crowd

How I would like to die:
Walking in my shoes

My soul's present condition:
The landscape is changing

My motto:
Get the balance right

****************************************************************
That was a lot of fun! I haven't blogged in awhile. Things have been chaotic. I have lots to tell...photos to show. I will be back soon. :)
XOXOX
TTFN
Heidi

Crazy little thing called "Life"

2009-06-12T16:25:00.002-06:00

So the past month or two has been a little crazy. Haven't really had much desire (I'll blame it on the too much estrogen - see below)or gumption to blog, or honestly do much of anything.
I keep forgetting that I am an old woman! People still card me when we go gambling or I order a drink. I am definantly a young soul, and am pretty much a kid at heart. But I finally got into the doctor and complained about the irregular, annoyingly heavy, and completely pointless menstrual cycle that I endure each month or few weeks or whenever it decides to rear it's ugly head. Birth control was prescribed, and what followed was 3 months of the most painful headaches, heart palpitations, and constant spotting. MISERABLE! I called my big sis and said, you've done this...what the hell. She laughed, said to go to the doctor, and talk to him about pre-menapause! ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS? I'm not an old woman! Next I called my mom, she freaked out, "what are you doing on birth control pills?" "didn't you remember my breast cancer is estrogen enduced?" AHHHHH So the doctor was called. Of course his first words of concern were anemia. NOPE...not anemic! Just don't tolerate estrogen well...so now what? "Well", the doctor says, "hot flashes, night sweats, spotting, these are all the fun things to look forward to...you are an old woman". I think I have aged this week alone after continued reminder that I will be 40 this year. I have been off the estrogen for one day, I wanted my headache to go away immediatly, but it's still there. Hopeing it goes away soon...
Tristan is out of school for summer break. It is so wierd to think he will be going into 2nd grade the end of the summer...it was just the other day he was starting kindergarten...but if summer ever finally hits, we are looking forward to some camping, fishing, hiking, picnics, dog walks, ect. to help fill up his summer with fun.
We have made some living arrangment decissions. Looks like we are going to put the house remodel on the back burner for now and move Tree-c and Trist into my house. My brother has taken a job in Boise and will be moving the end of the month. I am really sad to be losing his daily presence in all of our lives, but am hopful that this move will help him grow and find another level of happiness. Losing his rent money is a little scary too, but if we could get Tree-c moved over then rent her house out, then money will be okay again.
We found another lump in Tree-c's breast. We had that scare last year, so we took the trip, hoping for similar results. And after a mammogram, and a biopsy this time, it came back as a fibrous cyst again. PHEW!
Tree-c's knees have gotten nothing but worse, she has gone through a series of shots to help alleviate some of the pain, it helps for a few months and then gets back to her having a hard time even walking. We finally got into a specialist with the help of my great friend Lindsey and after seeing her x-rays he agreed her options are 2 fold. Do nothing until she is older and then get a total knee replacement, "maybe if she were 40 I would consider doing it", or get her patella removed and replaced. She opted for the second, because even a partial knee replacement might buy her some pain free time to play with Tristan while he is still young enough to want to play with his mom. And then in 10-15 years have that total knee replacement. So that is planned for later this year.
My parents are coming to visit over Labor Day to help us finish the basement in my house. That will give us some extra room to fill up when they do finally move in.
We are going on a family trip to Disneyland in July...I already have it all planned out from day 1-day 7. It'll be a small family reunion, which will be fun. Tristan loves being around Grandpa and Grandma J and he adores my little sister Penny (not sure why) and my big sister Gidget always spoils him rotten so he is very excited to spend time with them all! SO AM I!

Today I still have a job...and I am very grateful for that. Just last week they had a bit of a restructure and had to move people from department to department. But so far, I am still settled and secure. I am happy about that! :)

I guess that is it for now. I feel like I have just rambled on, but wanted to recap the past few months.

TTFN

Golf Association!

2009-05-05T12:14:00.006-06:00

So the last many years I have played softball every spring, summer, and fall. After that many years playing with women, I feel I got off pretty good without too much drama (and then again that just may be me remembering all the good times instead of the bad). I played on many teams, I supported many friends, and I had some really great times. But like with anything, there came a time to graduate. After last year, having the most drama of many years combined attached to a team that I ended up not wanting to call mine, I decided that there are just some people that don't know how to "grow up" and it became time for me to move on.

Fast forward to April 13th 2009, I joined a women's golf association with some really great ladies. So far we have played 4 weeks and I have reduced my score 8 strokes in those 4 rounds.

My golf clubs don't talk back when I banish them to the bag because they didn't hit straight enough or scoop the ball right.

I golf with the same 3 ladies each week (see photos) Coleen, Tracy, and Patti. We enjoy each others company, there is NEVER drama on the course, and we always get our frustrations of the week out with our long drives, amazing putts, and liquid out the nose laughter!

COLEEN & TRACY

TRACY

COLEEN

PATTI

I am soooo happy that I have graduated on to something that I love as much, actually maybe more then I loved softball.

TTFN

FINISHED - PHOTOS

2009-05-05T12:09:00.001-06:00

Step #4 prepare deck and yard for hot tub and other yard art...

2009-05-03T21:35:00.003-06:00

NEW Shed pad poured, shed rebuilt, deck finished, shed stained with weather resistent stain and is now prepared for siding in the future.
Deck is now ready for hot tub so we have hired an electrician to come and put the appropriate electrical panel/plugs for the hot tub. Then hot tub will be delivered! YEAH.
I have to re-stain the hand rail down my back steps and maybe re-affix the 2x4's in a more solid and secure way until I can purchase some more trex to upgrade the railing.
Didn't I say next time I mention a new project warn me against it...yeah, try to tell that to Patrice. My honey do list is going to get bigger and bigger I think as she moves in with me. Next project, till the 8'x10' garden in my back yard and get the garden planted in the next two weeks. Cut a 2' chunk of sod out of the perimeter of the yard so we can plant trees and shrubbery (always said in an English accent)to shield the yard from the neighbors.
And all this in preparation for Labor Day weekend when my parents are coming to help me finish my basement so we can move Patrice and Tristan to my house come October. I guess having our 3 year anniversary as a moving party wont be so bad! :)

WISH ME LUCK! :) I will update this blog with completed deck and shed photos and then will update with hot tub photos in the next little while.

My friend Becky got in a pretty bad accident with a bucking bronco the other day. I wanted to wish her well and tell her I love her!

TTFN

Step #3 - Work Ass off moving shed

2009-05-03T21:27:00.004-06:00

After we tore down the shed, we had to pick a less perfect spot in the yard to conform to the city codes...we picked a spot that would block that drunk ass busy body neighbor.
Deck is almost done...once new pad is set, we will rebuild shed and finish deck...then we will put planter boxes on the ugly eye sore of a concrete pad in the side yard until said city code ordinance people make us jack hammer it out...maybe that wont happen.

Should have whole project done today!

UPDATED W/PHOTOS Step #2 - build the whole damn thing just to tear it all down

2009-04-22T14:34:00.003-06:00

I would like to have had my next post be great photos of my new deck and shed, all nice and built and ready for hot tub placing and yard reorganization...BUT NO!
Our obstacles:
1-Busy Body Neighbor who can't keep his nose in his own business
2-City code enforcers who are to the letter of the law
3-Contractors who don't find out code prior to building said shed and deck
4-Home owner who thought she got the code right, but misinformed on two items that ended up being HUGE items.

AHHHHHHH!

I have photos of the almost finished product, photos of the project torn back down, and I will have photos in the next few days of new yard placement of said shed, finished deck with extra code criteria fluff added, and a big fat ugly eye sore of a concrete slab that I might need decorating ideas for.

When I mention PROJECT...please, for the love of all things holy...remind me of the past 10 days.

TTFN

Step One:Make a mess!

2009-04-16T15:17:00.003-06:00

We decided to start a project. Shed and hot tub deck to come. Thought I would show you the step by step process. :)

Add rain/snow to dog poop/aerated yard and you get a muddy mess...then add wood and trex and concrete and you have an even bigger mess.

Guess we have step one down! :)

It's March Madness Baby!

2009-03-19T13:13:00.003-06:00

In the imortal words of broadcaster/Duke lover Dick Vital I hope to see some "slap a lapper napper", "super scintillating sensational slam jam bam bam!" (exciting play), and "dipsy-doo dunkeroo diddle dop slam-jam-bam, baby!" (an exciting slam dunk)
March Madness is AWESOME BABY!
3 games in and I am still sitting in 1st place with 100% on my bracket! I have picked a couple of upsets, so we'll see how those turn out. I have Utah making it to the Sweet Sixteen...come on UTES! My final four is Mephis, UNC, Kansas, and Villanova. I know, not very "main stream"...but like I said, I have picked some upsets. :)
Anyone else have an predicitons they want to let loose?

I also have a women's bracket going. My championship game is between UCONN & Oaklahoma. I am sad to say that my Lady Vols likely wont make the championship this year, they are just to young and inexperienced. But I am rooting for them to make the Final Four. It's doable if Pat can get a fire started under those girls! :)

I think March is my favorite month, warm weather comes a callin, basketball is all around me, and I am planning my weekends months in advance for camping, fishing, and Disneyland! :) If you want us to pencil you in for time this summer, you better get your requests in now! :)

HAPPY MARCH MADNESS! TTFN

Tagged Answers

2009-03-10T11:48:00.006-06:00

I got tagged by Ky, at least I think I was tagged :) Ha Ha Here are the answers. I don't get how to do the links or the tags, soooo whoever wants to do it, go for it! And if you do, decide to do it...add one of your questions at the bottom.

1)What do you do for a living? I work for DHL Global Forwarding at the Air Import Manager, I also have a part time job in a retail video game store…and when I have opportunity I volunteer at being a partner, step mom, and friend!

2) What is your biggest fear? I don’t know that it’s my biggest, but I fear that my “being” will lack any meaning. I hope I can look back on my life and find that I was even a smile on one persons face.

3) Do you nap a lot? I like to nap when I can, but usually don’t have that luxury.

4) Who is the last person you hugged? My fishin’ buddy

5) What websites do you visit when you go online? Old Navy, Facebook, Blogs, and work related sites.

6) What was the last item you bought? clothes

7) You are on the Oregon Trail, how are things going? If I am on the Oregon Trail right now, I am pissed…because likely I am in a dress or skirt of some sort, as the women folk had to dress in such garb.  And it’s probably cold, and it’s not like those covered wagons had heaters. But knowing me, that is only on the inside, and I am singing, cheering others up, and putting my shoulder to the wheel and pressing on…pressing on!

8) If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why? If you asked me this when I was 10-12 and dreaming of this on a daily basis, I would be asking my first girl crush to check yes or no if she “liked me” in a note. Now a days, I would be standing up peeing! HA HA HA and praising Jesus that I am never going to have a menstrual cycle again! HAAAALLLLEEEELLLLUUUUIIIIAAAAHHHHH

9) Has a celebrity's hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle? Uh, no okay, maybe Zac Efron with the beachy shaggy bangs covering the face look

10) What is your most embarrassing moment? I honestly don’t have one, I mean I am sure I have been embarrassed before, but nothing that stands out as the most embarrassing moment. I guess I just let things go to fast.

11) What was the last movie you watched? Blindness…great cast, interesting concept, not my favorite movie of the year however.

12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do? Sleep in, take Topper for a walk (‘cause it’s warm right?), watch tv, and then cook dinner and dessert for my little family.

13) Do you like scary movies? NOT so much, but if it’s light out, I am willing to watch them with someone who might be a scary movie lover, but it must be light outside when the movie get’s over.

14) What would you want your last meal to be? Oh, that is sooooo hard for me. Mom’s ham, mashed potatoes with country gravy, blueberry muffins, peas, double double animal style & fries from in-n-out, a big-mac, DIET COKE from Wendy’s with a lemon, and a piece of my mom’s cheesecake with blueberry topping, and a peanut butter bar from my elementary school lunch. I would be full, but very very happy!

15) My question...If you could spend a day with one person (dead or alive) who would it be, and why? Abraham Lincoln. I would love to hear his thoughts on the world today.

What I learned today:

2009-03-09T12:42:00.003-06:00

I have been a bit of an introvert the last little while. I have been overly stressed, my jobs have been emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding, and I have been sick too. So what this means, is I have had a lot of time to reflect.

A tid-bit of what I learned over the past little while came to me today, like a light bulb over my head, after reading an e-mail this morning.

What I learned: If you are going to say something out loud, to other people, make sure it's not only the truth, but something you are willing to stand behind. Others (at least me) believe what you say, and will hold you to what you say.

I couldn't help but feel lied to and deceived. It's as if certain people act and react to their momentary feelings and whims and don't feel they should be held accountable if they change their point of view 5 minutes later. Even if it hurts someone in the process.

I am not saying that people shouldn't or don't have the ability to change; to change their behavior, to change their point of view, to change their minds. But when you say something passionatly and then go back on that, people are going to start doubting that what you say is actual truth.

That is it for today...TTFN

My List

2009-02-27T11:02:00.012-07:00

So my good friend started a Top 10 list of sexy men and women and it looked fun...so I think I will take this opportunity to have some fun and publish my "List". You know, the list of people (totally untouchable) that if given the opportunity you would sleep with and it doesn't count against you as cheating. :) Here would be my list...
#10 Gina "Crush" Carano - American Gladiator:Yeah, I wouldn't mind some of that!

#9 Julie Roberts - Actress: Glamour, beautiful, sophistication, and adorable laugh all rolled into one sexy woman!

#8 Britney Spears - Singer: Come on...how could I not pick such a sexy little thing? She's kindof a dirty little thing, but then again this is just for a night of sex right! :)

#7 Michelle Pfiffer - Actress: This is to serve my "Mormon Mom" attraction, I know, I know she's likely far from being Mormon, but she's totally a "MILF". In 1982 as I sat and watched Grease 2, my fantasy was to be Michael Carrington so Stephanie Zinone would want me! :)
#6 Drew Barrymore - Actress: Not only do I think she is utterly adorable, but she is quirky, and fun, and sexy, and she's got that stalker quality that can be fun and flattering for a minute!
#5 Pink - Singer/Songwriter: I am certain this firecracker has to much for me to handle...but it would be fun to try! :)
#4 Clea Duvall - Actress: I HAVE NO IDEA! Just plain sexy, laid back, I can totally see myself in awe of this woman. I want to meet for coffee and conversation, then we'll see where it goes. I think it might be her freckles.
#3 Mary Stuart Masterson - Actress: It all started when she responded to a comment about not judging a book by it's cover and she says "no, but you can tell how much it's goign to cost", as she played tom-boy goes boy crazy as Watts in Some Kind of Wonderful, my favorite movie of all time, and then moved into movies like Fried Green Tomatoes and Bad Girls! She has a way about her that makes me want to hold her and keep her safe, yet she is sexy, self assured, and has a spunk about her that would make you think twice about messin with her. And that NECK! YOWSA!

#2 Brad Pitt - Actor: And the only man on my list. If there is a hotter man on the earth, I don't believe it! YUUUUMMMMOOOOO No explanation necessary.

AND LAST...but certainly not least...my #1 Jennifer Aniston - Actress: Beauty, poise, and grace all wrapped up into a pretty package with a big red bow! Ooooh la-la.

Thanks for joining in on the fun! Hope you enjoyed...TTFN

Vegas Baby

2009-02-23T21:34:00.016-07:00

2nd to last cocktail of the trip...we went to dinner after we got back into Salt Lake and had one more for the road. This is Krista, Nate, Adrien, Colby, & Treec in the bar in the Vegas airport.

A shot of the room towers of the MGM Grand where we stayed this weekend. It was the best weather this past weekend...The lights at night glow green into your room...it's so awesome. This is the biggest single building Casino in Vegas.

The big gold lion on the strip

View from the Tropicana across the street from the MGM. We went there on our last day, played $5.00 black jack tables (FINALLY), Treec bought some sun glasses from a little stand on the corner and I bought a poker set. YES, that means poker parties at Heidi's house! WOO HOO

My beautiful fishin buddy drinking her strawberry Fat Tuesday slushy. Can you say, slushy with a KICK in the ASS! This was a frequented location on our weekend excursion. :) BY ALL!

Colby with his make shift diva cig holder (it's a straw). Rick behind him with the "I heart hot mom's" shirt. I concur! :)

Us hangin at the "patio" at Ceasar's Palace outside the forum shops. We had ridden the Monorail from the MGM to go to Fat Tuesday's at Ceasar's, by this point all of our feet hurt so bad, we found a patio with tables and chairs and karaoked to the music over the loud speaker. I KNOW we sounded GOOD! I am certain we could have found a karaoke bar, but who needs a bunch of other people taking away our thunder! :)

Colby with his Fat Tuesday and cig being oh so glamorous!

Now this is at the Flamingo...there is also a section in Ceasar's called the Pussy Cat Casino where women are a little more dressed, but not much, but they are singled out in cages...I found this far more distracting.

How is a girl supposed to pay attention to her cards when she has these two lovely's dancing on her poker table. Aayyyaayyyaaah!

Heidi getting the once over by "Red" at the M&M store. Also holding a pre-made cocktail from the room with a little bit of Diet Hansen's Natural Root Beer and a lot o bit of Vodka. Vodka...drink of choice this weekend...We polished off two very LARGE bottles of said drink! YUMMMO!

This is the birthday girl Mel, me, and Treec at a fountain in the middle of our hotel. There were like 8 halls off this rotunda and if you got a little on the tipsy side, it was a gamble which hall would lead you in which direction. What a blast! Starbucks one way, poker tables one way, rooms one way, Krista in fact ended up sitting with a cocktail, knocking on room 128's door, but three floors below our floor. HA HA...

This is the view from our room. Like I said up there...the green lights were so cool at night. We had an amazing room with a jetted tub, a king size amazingly comfortable bed, two large windows with a view and all at the low low price of $500 a night! NOT...that is what it should have cost, but our birthday girl friend Mel got us a kick as rate of $109.00 WOOOOOO HOOOOO MEL! Thanks for having a 30th b-day so we could have such a great weekend.

This is the show we all went to. What a fun fun show. A couple of sexy parts, girls diving topless into a martini glass and swimming around together...a sexy school girl spinning hula-hoops while doing acrobatics on a rope hanging from the ceiling...a couple of comedy acts, and then a large orgy at the end where our friend Mel got pulled up onto stage and fondled by the cast. The guy comes down and starts pointing back and forth at me and her and I am not kidding when I say, if he would have picked me you can bet your bottom dollar I would have pushed her up anyway. No way in hell would I have gone up on stage...well, maybe if the school girl would have come grabbed me! Wink Wink. We got a picture of us all at the show, I will put it on here when I get the copy from Krista...and Mel got a photo up on stage, I will put that up on here too! :)

This was our first meal in Vegas. We couldn't check into our rooms just yet, so as we were walking out of the hotel, I threw $1 into a machine and won $30, we checked our luggage with the bell hop and walked down the strip to the La Salsa Cantina and had cocktails & breakfast burritos. This was the beginning of a fun weekend where we gambled, won and lost, but pretty much broke even...had loads to eat and drink, had great company, and had some AMAZING fun!

Can't wait to go back!

TTFN

Summer...

2009-02-19T16:56:00.002-07:00

That is a word that has a few meanings...
1-the greatest season of the year. It's warm, and makes me feel good, brings joy to my heart and soul.

2-one of the greatest friends. She's warm, and makes me feel good, she brings joy to my heart and soul.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUMMER! I hope it is a great one!

We'll make it up to you that we can't be with you today or this weekend. Not like we could go to a strip club and get drunk and rowdy for the big 3-2 anyway. :)

After you deliver...maybe then! :) HA HA

Love ya,
Heidi

TTFN

Dilligence

2009-02-18T17:05:00.003-07:00

"What we hope ever to do with ease, we must learn first to do with diligence."
- Samuel Johnson

What I learned today...The harder I try, the more I put forth effort, the more diligent I am; ease, patience with myself, and payoff are finding their way onto my life path.

TTFN

Today's horoscope...INTERESTING!

2009-02-17T15:42:00.003-07:00

"Go with the flow today instead of trying to influence the world around you. Lack of confidence, or opposition to your plans, could make you say - or do - something that you might regret. If you accept things as they are instead of wishing for the Moon, you will overcome resistance and achieve your goal much faster. Events today could also make you change your outlook - and your plans."

What I learned today...if you shoot for the moon, instead of the rooftops, you may fall short and land in the outhouse. Keeping my goals attainable will help string together moments of happiness into complete happiness instead of moments of sadness sending me further into a dark hole.

TTFN

What I learned today...

2009-02-16T19:38:00.003-07:00

OCD can overtake ones mind and soul...and damnit I might just have to fight for mine back. I must come to grips with allowing things to just be. The future is unwritten, I must allow it to be so!

Where is this coming from, you might ask?

I have already started to pack for our little weekend trip to Vegas. Yes, it's monday, and I have already started to stack the clothes I want to take, while organizing the laundry into stacks I must wash prior to my trip. I have planned which bag I am taking to accomidate the clothes planned to take. And I have already made a list of things I must buy at the store for the trip and for when I return from the trip so that all will be in order when I return home on sunday.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????

I swear...

Last weekend was a quicky. I went to "poker night" on friday night with a group of about 13 peeps. Some i'd never met, some I had but didn't really know. What a blast. We had three tournaments throughout the night, I placed in all three. First, 2nd, and 3rd. I came out ahead $30.00 for the whole night! Love it when I win! Friday night I reaffirmed that I can become easily addicted. I get enticed by something or someone that intoxicates me and I want more and more. Gambling is very definatly one of my vices. I am certain they have 12 step programs for that addiction too, but then I would have to quit...so I think I will just attempt to control it on my own for now. :) Then saturday and sunday I had to work...so I guess the old saying applies...no rest for the wicked! :)

Patrice and I are headed to Vegas this weekend for my friend Mel's birthday and I am really looking forward to not only a get away but a chance to be a big WINNER (Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!). WOO HOO. We are also going to be naughty and go see the show Zu*manity. We will take lots of photos of the weekend and i'll post next week.

My good friend Summer Bumber is having a birthday this week and we are sad that we are going to miss out on spending time with her on the big day, but plan to make it up to her in the near future! :)

I have started a new hobby. I was getting so overworked that when I came home at night all I wanted to do was veg out on the couch. I was always taught that "being aidle is of the Devil" so I opted to find an outlet. Add my vice gambling, to collecting and what do you get? Collecting trading cards, ie. baseball, football, etc, from hobby shops and then selling the valuable ones on E*bay. What a blast! I've made some money, peaked an interst in something new, and found an outlet for my energy that I was wasting getting fatter and fatter on the couch. It's been fun! :)

Well, I guess that is it for today...oh, one last thing...here's a shout out to Katherine...keep your head up girl and work hard on getting better! Sending positive thoughts your way! :)

TTFN

Wow...a month

2009-02-12T19:30:00.003-07:00

So it's been a month since I wrote my last blog. Obviously I haven't had much to say, and really I don't now either...Honestly I haven't really even had time or energy or emotion to read the other blogs I stalk. It's been a roller coaster of a time...and I expect things are going to be scarey, and nerve racking, and emotional, and jaring, and possibly even make me want to throw up and not really in a good way like roller coasters usually make me feel.

I can say this though, I am looking forward to poker night tomorrow night. Just wishin my friend would have gone with me. :(

Reaching out, putting my emotions and trust on the line can be gut wrenching at times.

Birthday 40 is this year...I went to the doc for the big 4-0, 2 hour wellness visit/check up...BLECK...test results to come...soon I hope!

I am just down, hope to find some strengh to stand up tall soon. Getting very tired.

I hope to have a better outlook soon...until then TTFN.

Funhouse!

2009-01-12T14:10:00.004-07:00

This is Suzanne Westenhoffer and Treec after the show...she was soooooo funny. I laughed hysterically. My cheeks hurt as totally predicted. The woman doesn't know how to finish a thought, cracks my shit up! :) Saturday I worked, then Mer, Summer, and Cam came over for dinner (crock-pot roast, potatoes, carrots, rolls, salad, and yummy cake and ice cream desert)and to play games. We played cards and just laughed and had a good time while the boys entertained themselves with the Wii. Sunday I had to work again, but then Tristan, Treec and I made Treec's mom go out to dinner for her birthday. In the course of driving around Tristan learned a new song..it's his favorite right now. Here is a sampling...sorry it's so dark. It's Funhouse by Pink...off her new cd. There is an f-bomb at the very end of the song that we have to edit out...just in case you decide to listen to the real song with small ears in the room. (not in this video however!)

Well, that's it for today...TTFN

TGIF

2009-01-09T13:28:00.005-07:00

I am so excited...it's finally here! Tonight is Suzanne... If you haven't seen her live...oh my, plan to pee your pants. She makes my cheeks stiff from laughter and my gut sore from holding the pee in. Ha Ha HA. We are going with our friends Lis and Joc...it's been planned for months and I can hardly wait! Meeting up for dinner and an evening of giggles with friends is always an event to look forward to.
The New Year has brought us into a rocky start...Patrice's mom is full of expectations, and although it's frustrating to me to have Patrice at her beck and call it's also something that I am learning to get used to because I think it'll be this way from here on out.
We are waiting anxiously for the contractor to have all the house plans finalized this month to get the money people on the band-wagon so we can get this project started. We have the mock up of our kitchen done with the layout planned and all. The only differences that we have made in the kitchen are a solid surface counter top so the sink is the same as the countertop surface and then adding a utility cupboard opposite of the refridge.
We are finally getting together this weekend with Mer, Sum, and Cam after not seeing them since before Christmas. It seems like forever since we have spent time with them. We are planning a game night and dinner for saturday afternoon. Really looking forward to that!
Patrice and I got money from her mom for Christmas this year so after the last big snow storm we decided it was about "that time" and went out and got a snow plow put on the front of her Artic Cat 4wheeler. It'll take some time getting used to how low to place the blade to get the snow scrapped off the driveway, but HALLLEEEELLLUUUUIIIIAAAAHHHH...no more snow shoveling for this old out of shape dog! :) WOO HOO.
New Years Eve we went to my really great friend Wendy's house to celebrate with some great old friends. Tristan had gone to the ex's for the night so we were able to let a little loose, have a few drinks, and play a little poker. The Wii came out, and there was laughing, and gambling, and drinking, and eating, and kissing, and more gambling. We ended up playing a game called Guts. It's a two card game where the best hand you can have is a pair of aces. You anty $1 and then if you want to stay in with your hand after "1-2-3-Guts" is called you hold your cards...if you want out, you drop. IF you hold, and lose, you have to match the pot for the next round. You can see that the pot can grow larger and larger depending on how many people are playing. I think at one point I ended up winning a pot that had like $44 in it. CRAZY. But a ton of fun. Makes me really excited for our Vegas trip in February with a few people from this group! :)
Yep, you heard me...VEGAS BABY! We are going in Feb...I got screamin deals for a Celebrity Spa Suite at the MGM for $100/night and flights on Jet Blue for $60/roundtrip. We can hardly wait for our trip. It'll be fun to get away for the weekend, maybe get out of the snow and cross your fingers see the sun for a couple of days. Maybe I will even get daring enough to sit down in the Poker room for some Texas Hold'em. :)
I will attach photos soon from Christmas, New Years, and this weekend. TTFN

My friend is M.I.A.

2008-12-28T11:22:00.001-07:00

Many years ago, in a different space and time, a friendship was born. It has experienced it's share of bad times but it has expreienced many many many more good times then are countable.
Our friendship has made it through the fears of sickness, the fun and frustrations of moving, the miracle of birth, the sadness of death, the joy of adoption, the heartbreak of separations & break-ups, the excitment of road trips, the smiles, the laughs, the inside jokes, holidays, gifts, and probably more food and drinks then humans should possibly consume! :) Things that friendships are built on!

I hold a very special place in my heart for my friend. Actually she is more then a friend, more then a sister, she is a part of why I am who I am today, and a person I will cherish in my heart and soul for as long as forever is.

Although she is M.I.A. in my life today, she will always be with me in my heart. I miss her, and long to have my friend back in my life.

So today, Ky on your special day, I wanted to take a moment to tell you I love you and wish you a very happy birthday. (Dec 28th, 2008)

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2008-12-24T09:22:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a safe and wonderful Christmas! Hope you get everything your hearts desire this Christmas. Or at least anything more then a lump of coal! :)

TTFN

photos from the last few weekends...

2008-12-21T21:19:00.004-07:00

So the weekend has been full again...

2008-12-21T12:05:00.003-07:00

This weekend has been just as packed as the many in the past...but I am SOOOO looking forward to wednesday at about noon when I will be on Christmas vacation for a good 48 hours. WOO HOO. Friday night we had a horrible snow store and it took me an hour and a half to get home my normal 10 minute drive. BLECK. Once we got home we got comfy and did a little baking. Love to bake! We made some yummy cookies, banana bread, chocolates. Watching Christmas specials on tv, singing along with the Heat Miser. "They call me Heat Miser, whatever I touch, starts to melt in my touch, I'm too much!" WAA HAAA HAAA.
Saturday brought goodie deliveries, visiting with friends, and Christmas with my Dad down in Lehi. I got the fishing waders I wanted! WOO HOO. Last night we went to Mer & Summers so the boys could swap presents. Us 4 adults ended up playing the new Pictionary Man game and laughed hysterically! Patrice and I barely won by 1 point after Mer and Summer finally got in sync and started their come back. AHHH... WHAT A FUN GAME! I must have that! :)
This morning we got up about 8:00am and got all bundled up and went over to Hunter park where there is a pretty good size hill to go sleeding. Topper went with us and jumped right on the sled on my first time down! And then jumped up and ran as fast as he could back up the hill to go down again. I of course took a bit longer to get myself back up the hill. HA HA, so he was bouncy and anxious by the time I got there. Our last time down, Tristan and I decided to brave the yellow sled together. Probably not the greatest idea, as we started to turn, the sled caught and edge and flipped us over. SLEDDING IS SO DANGEROUS, why do we allow ourselves to do such insane things. I started to skid on my left shoulder and as the pressure built, the wind kept escaping my lungs...as my head stopped us from moving any further I felt my ribs callapse under my elbow and I new I had broken a rib. So now I am struggling breathing and am having a hard time bending over to get anything off the floor. What a joke...it was FUN though! Tristan was fine, I totally caught him and broke his fall. That seems to happen a lot with us. :) He got really upset and was worried about me. I had to remind him I was fine to keep him from having a total melt down. But honestly, I think I am fine, just a lot sore! :)
I am now at work, and Patrice and Tristan are going to her aunts for their family Christmas party.

Only 3 more wakeups until Christmas Eve! WOO HOO!

TTFN

The weekend update! (Photos will be posted later)

2008-12-15T10:59:00.003-07:00

The weekends seem to be getting busier and busier, but luckily they have been filled with family fun. So that is a-okay with me. Friday night I met up with an old friend of mine for dinner and conversation. We went to Tepenyakki's(sp?) (one of my favorite places to eat) in Lehi, since it was a half-way point for us both. This restaraunt is a Japanese steak house. They cook on the grill in front of you, there is alot of Japanese goofy humor and a moment when I honestly would have loved the chef to bust out in a rendition of "Jingo beows, jingo beows, Far rah rah rah rah, rah rah rah rah". Japanese low sodium, (salt being shaken just above the already salty soy sauced rice) moved to Japanese high sodium, (salt being shaken about 3 feet above the rice). I giggled, as I usually do, and the other 2 couples with their 3 wide eyed children seemed to be just as entertained as I was. :) I think the cutest was the girl taking a bite of lobster tail, saying she liked it as she had the sour lemon puker on her face and then refusing to eat more as she shuddered after the swollow. So cute to make kids try new things!
After dinner I went to my Dad's (who lives in Lehi) and we looked over the "almost finished" sets of plans for the re-model. We have three floors of plans, mostly complete, and we need to start adding the details to the plans. My dad is retired now, but has been a contractor and a kitchen cabinet installer for so many years that he still has connections and so we are going to do our own kitchen. I can hardly wait to get started, picking out the wood, the styles, our kitchen will be a main entertaining point to our new home, and I am really looking forward to getting this one right! :)
Saturday I had to get up and work, but then we went to our annual GLPU (parent's group)Christmas Party! WHAT A GREAT EVENT. The kids and parents alike did cookie decorating, Santa and Mrs. Clause came and had photo ops with the kids while they excitedly told Santa what they wanted for Christmas. Tristan hestitated, but after a little encouragement, sat on Santa's lap and told him a few items off his list. Then off to play in the kids rooms upstairs they went. It was nice to meet new people, converse with people we have recently met, and see old faces that have been missing for awhile. I can't wait to have our house done so we can host on of our monthly events! :)
Saturday evening landed us at Patrice's mom's to help her decorate a little for Christmas. She is still on the oxygen tank, and isn't allowed to drive. They found a lung disease that they are treating (along side her pnemonia) with steroids. I guess they are recommending she see how this works for a little while and then after the first of the year she may have to retire and go on disability with an in home nurse. I guess with this treatment her immune system will be so limited that even being around people could 'cause death. So we will just take things one day at a time and see what we can do to help her get better baby step by baby step.
Sunday we got up EARLY (bleck) and headed to the Zoo for breakfast with Santa and the Zoo animals. As we ate breakfast we met the cute little family that sat at our table with us and became instant friends with their 5 year old son Ryan. He was very outgoing, and very excited about Christmas. The zoo volunteers walked around the room with an owl, another bird, an opposum, an armidillo, a lizard, and a madagascar cockroach (ewww). They let us pet them, told us all their history, and even had hand sanitizer after to keep our hands fresh and clean. :) They had crafts for the kids to do, wish lists for Santa that we all filled out and gave to him when we were done, and then we walked around the zoo in a few inches of snow seeing the gorilla's up close and watched the cat's playing in the snow. For the first time in MANY years we also saw the Gray Wolves. We walked around the zoo with our new friends Mark, Tiffany, and Ryan from Layton for about an hour and then said our goodbyes. We will probably never seen these people again, but we really had a great morning with them and want to wish them a Very Merry Christmas and much success with their endeavors.
After the zoo we headed up to West Point (west of Hill Air Force Base) to our friend Amy and Casey's house. We had a girls afternoon together of Gingerbread house decorating. For those of you that haven't done your houses yet this year, but plan to...make sure you have the time to let the house dry before you try to decorate, or your roof will sink in and you will be cursing the whole afternoon! :) We all had a fun time, we made a really cute house, and as always enjoyed the company of some really great friends! :) Mamosa's and goodies and all! :)Thanks Amy! :)
Sunday evening we did some measuring for the contractor, packed the dogs up and headed to my house for a sleepover. We cuddled in on the couch with the Christmas tree lights shining and watch a few of the Christmas movies that we have tivo'd the past couple of weeks. And then went to bed at 8:30pm. IT WAS A GREAT WEEKEND! :)
I can't believe Christmas is in 9 days. WOO HOO...TTFN

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2008-12-07T20:45:00.005-07:00

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. With Patrice's mom going from sick to a breathing tube and ventilator in the ICU (on Thanksgiving day) to her now being home but still no word on what is actually wrong with her lungs. We are grateful that she is home this week, even though she is hooked to an oxygen tank...she has a doctors apt next Wednesday where we hope to have some answers and a starting point to her recovery.

This weekend has been a little bit of a band-aid in our family time. We have spent so much time running here and there, from hospital to work to karate. We finally had some time to actually spend doing fun family things. Friday night we went to the Zoo with our really great friends Mer, Summer, and Cam. We walked around in the bitter cold looking at all the amazing lights. Saturday morning we got up and went to the Festival of Trees, a wonderful tradition that we have done three years running now. Walking around and looking at all the trees, enjoying the goodies, Tristan getting his finger nails painted (which he picked over calling the Christmas Elf on the phone to put in his Christmas requests. "I will call the Elves next year k Heidi? I want my nails painted"), and continuing to get into the holiday spirit. Afterward we went to pick out our Christmas tree. We all fell in love with the same one as we walked around the lot. We went home quickly, and started to pull out all the decorations. The lights went on quickly, the ornaments not as quick, at first my O.C.D. kicked in and every ornament that Tristan put on the tree I wanted to move to a more "appropriate" spot. But after a few minutes I put myself in check and realized it's just a tree. And beside that, I can move them later after he goes to bed. HA HA HA...I am proud to say I have not moved a single ornament. :)
After Patrice put the Mickey Mouse on the top of the tree, her and I ran downstairs to put a few of the bins away...next thing we know, Tristan is at the top of the stairs yelling down "we have a problem here...Mom, we have a problem!" We started up the stairs as he burst into tears, "what's wrong?" Patrice says to him...as we go up the stairs to find the Christmas tree toppled over in the middle of the room, water gushing out of the tree stand all over my laminate floor, and Mickey Mouse glass ornaments shattered all over the floor. "Heidi's favorite ornament is broken, it's going to be a horrible Christmas" cry's Tristan. I give him a little hug, and tell him it's going to be okay. We put him up on the couch and proceed to clean up the mess. Had the water not been gushing out on the floor I would have stopped to take a photo, but I wanted to get that cleaned up first. So the photos attached are of the tree decorated and standing. :) After we got the tree back to normal, the train on the track, the dogs settled down, and Tristan in his pj's we settled in for our first showing (of many) of the movie A Christmas Story. It's one of my favorites, that one and Elf I could watch over and over, and I do! This morning we got up, wrapped a ton of presents, cooked some bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns, listened to Christmas music, and wrapped more presents. I had to work today but prior to leaving Tristan and I worked on riding his bike without training wheels. Let me just say, this accomplishment will be HUGE, when he finally rides alone! Can't hardly wait!!!

Well, I think that catches everyone up for now. TTFN

a lil bit of this, a little bit of that...

2008-11-26T10:00:00.002-07:00

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I have many many things to be grateful for. I could make a huge list, but I am sure that it would just bore you. So I will just highlight a few things. My family, my friends, my health, and my character. If it weren't for my family, I wouldn't be the person I am today, and that person is a pretty damn cool sister, daughter, aunt, step mom, partner, niece, cousin. If it weren't for my friends; past, present and future, I wouldn't be who I am today, and that is a pretty damn good listener, confidant, allie, hugger, friend. If it weren't for my health; I wouldn't know what pain is, I wouldn't know what joy is, I wouldn't know what gratitude is, I wouldn't know what fear is...and I am grateful for the struggles I have had with my health so that I can be grateful for the fact that I am free from pain, fear, and struggles with my health today. And if it weren't for my character, I wouldn't be able to be the family memeber or friend that I am...that can look in the mirror and be proud of who I am today. SO...today I am grateful!

Patrice's mom ended up in the ICU yesterday. She is on a breathing tube with her hands restrained so she can't inadvertantly rip her tube out. They MAY take the breathing tube out today to see if her lungs will work on their own, but eitherway she will be in the ICU for at least 24 more hours. They had to surgically take a larger biopsy of her lung early tuesday, which deflated her lung and they have to continuously pump it back up with a baloon...they will send the biopsy to a lab in Arizona to see if they can figure out what is wrong with her. Once her lungs are better, they will be able to do the surgery to help her with the ulcers and hernia. We are just trying to stay positive.

I am really looking forward to my Betty Crocker skills to come out and shine like they have so many times in the past with Turkey Day dinner. I will start the fun tonight, stuffing the turkey, baking the pies, getting the dinner roll dough ready to raise, mixing up the special turkey day leftover chip dip. YUM-O! I can hardly wait to wake up in the morning to the smell of turkey cooking, the sound of the parade on the tv and the warmth of my favorite day of the year brewing through the house. I will miss being with my mom and sisters this year, but happy to have Tree-c and Tristan to share this day with me.

With all that has happened with Treec's mom the past few weeks she was able to squeeze in some pretty special stuff for me for my birthday last saturday. Thanks to her for being amazing in this time of stress and chaos. Thanks to Mer, Summer and Cam for coming to my house to surprise me. You all made my night really great...and you were able to experience my Dad's nutty girlfriend. HA HA HA

I got a bunch of new things for our future fishing excursions. I can hardly wait for the spring so we can start fishing again! Actually we have talked about doing the ice fishing thing this winter. If things would calm down so we can have a minute to breath....

Well, better get back to work. Just wanted to wish everyone a wonderfully Happy Thanksgiving. If you are traveling, I wish you safety. If you are staying home I wish you comfort. Enjoy the day. TTFN

Much better prognosis then before...

2008-11-19T08:41:00.002-07:00

So far they have found that Mom has esophageal ulcers, a hynatal hernia, and some fibrous lung disease. She is also very low on sodium so she isn't allowed any water, I guess that sodium follows water so if you drink it, the sodium leaves your body at an even faster rate.
They sent a biopsy of her esophagus and her lungs off to the lab to make sure there is no cancer, and to make sure that the fluid on her lungs isn't pneumonia. They suctioned out her lungs, and doubled her dose of heart burn medicine.
She seems to be doing a little bit better, but still struggling to breath and can't seem to kick the cough. But once her lungs are doing better they can go in and do surgery on her ulcers and hernia and fix that problem. So it's a much better prognosis then we initially had been told by the team of docs that are working on her.

Thanksgiving is in just 8 more wake ups...I can hardly wait. I have already purchased the turkey, ham, and a couple of other little things to get ready. I am making dinner at my house this year...

With Patrice's grandma, aunt and dad being in Kansas for her Grandpa's funeral, and her mom being in the hospital it might just end up us three for dinner...so if anyone is in need of company and some great food...your more then welcome to come to dinner at my house! We would love to have you enjoy it with us!

The big game is saturday...Utah Utes vs BYU Cougars. I really really wanted to go again this year (I was spoiled by my friend Kyla last year and got to go with her and Becky's dad and brother), it's actually on my birthday this year...but alas, I just don't have that much cash to fork out for a football game. I wish! Maybe some miracle will happen and someone will just give me their tickets. HA HA HA. Otherwise I will be watching it from home...which in and of itself will be fun.

Frosty has been staying with me the last couple of nights, he's still not sleeping through the night and Patrice really needed her sleep to be able to function to help her mom. It's been fun to have him around and Topper is being really cute with him, suprisingly enough! Topper is normally very possesive of me, but he's been really patient with this little rodent that chews on his ears and always wants to sit on my lap. I continually give him praise and treats to let him know he's being such a good boy!

Well, thanks again for all your warm wishes and we'll continue to work on getting Mom better.

Hope you have a great day...

TTFN

First test back-positive results!

2008-11-18T11:11:00.002-07:00

First test was a scope down Mom's throat to check out her esophogus and stomach...they found esophogeal ulcers. She and Patrice both have cronic acid reflux. They can't do surgery to help this YET, because of the concerns about her lungs, but at least they know one of the reasons why she has a persistant cough, and pain in her chest, we are happy to find out that this can be treated. :)

Lung tests to come later...will keep everyone posted.

TTFN

Please keep Patrice in your prayers...

2008-11-18T10:22:00.002-07:00

We don't know much...but Patrice's mom is in the hospital. She had to be taken to the ER yesterday, and thankfully her very loud and outspoken aunts have taken it upon themselves to take her to the newest and nicest hospital in town, and are not letting the docs or nurses out of sight without constant updates to her condition.

Mom had been having some trouble catching her breath for the past few weeks, they have tested her oxygen levels, her heart, they tested her three times for sleep apnea, and all said and done the doctors just keep putting her off as if she might just be overweight and out of shape. But yesterday after forcing the new docs to really take a look they finally found something that they are concerned with. A mass in her lungs, which could be pnemonia, a tumor, or a blood clot. They are doing biopsy's this morning and we should know later today.

Please keep Patrice and her mom in your thoughts and prayers. I will keep you posted as we know more.

Thanks in advance for your prayers, positive vibes and well wishes, they are much needed and appreciated!

TTFN

Kyla & Mer both tagged me...so here goes!

2008-11-12T13:49:00.003-07:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? Real without hesitation!
3. When do you put up the tree? I would love to put it up the weekend after Turkey Day, but sometimes it takes longer to get just the right one! It's all about shopping for the perfect tree.
4. When do you take the tree down? Usually the weekend after Christmas or else the weekend after New Years.
5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, in fact I had some today that is called Pumpkin Spice Eggnog...yummo!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I had two...my chemistry set and my lime green skinny skateboard. I think I have a photo...I will look for it.
7. Hardest person to buy for? no one. I always take the time through the year to find just the right present for that particular person.
8. Easiest person to buy for? see #7
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No in fact...but it's something I keep looking into buying each year, but just haven't found the perfect one.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail - ordered them today! :)
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I guess it's not the WORST, but one I just didn't understand. It was a telescope. Never have used it...it's a dust collector on a ledge in my house.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I have four The Year Without a Santa Clause, Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas Story, and Elf. I could watch them over and over and over. Without break!
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I usually start in October, but it's just a hear and there thing, I have a new tradition with Treec...we go Black Friday shopping and that denotes the end of Christmas shopping for the year.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? hasn't everyone? But I usually feel guilty about it, not only am I a hoarder, but I am also very sentimental. Hence the reason why the telescope is still on the ledge collecting dust.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? mom's Christmas dinner and Ghirardelli peppermint bark
16. Lights on the tree? yes, multi-colored
17. Favorite Christmas song? The Christmas Song (also know as Chestnuts Roasting on an Open fire)
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Either, I love going to my parents but it's nice to be home too.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? um yep, even Olive! HA HA HA (if you don't get it, just ask)
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? my tree has Mickey Mouse, but of the choice, Star
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas Eve 1 present, which is pj's, Christmas morning the rest
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? not being grateful
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Disney theme
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Ham, mashed tatoes & gravy (or funeral potatoes), rolls, peas, punkin pie,
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? time to enjoy Christmas with my little family, this will be our first time to enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas morning just us three! I can hardly wait!

now...let me tag Quandry

and Karen

Chadder's

2008-11-10T10:50:00.002-07:00

I almost forgot to tell you...remember awhile back I blogged about a burger place down in American Fork that was nearly as good as In-N-Out Buger??? WELL...for all you SLC people that try your damndest to avoid Utah County, you'll be happy to know (I know I am) that Chadder's has now opened a new location on 5600 West and aprox 2700 South. OH MY is it yummy, and very dangerous for it to be so close in proximity to my home.

My favorite thus far is a Stubby Double add grilled onions, extra sauce, and pickles, fries with a side of burger sauce, and a half and half vanilla and chocolate shake!

Give it a try.

TTFN

New Doo & more bad photos of Frosty

2008-11-10T09:07:00.002-07:00

If the damn little thing would quit moving around so much I could get a cute photo with my phone. Until we get our internet up and running (which should be tonight-keep your fingers crossed).

Treec and Tristan suprised me with an early b-day present and got me a gift certif to get my hair did! I was so happy...it's been since before our Hawaii trip this summer. EEK.

The rain is hear today, and not only is it a rainy day, but it's a monday...and it hasn't even got me down today! WOO HOO...gotta love when things are feeling good in your life!

We found a few more Christmas gifts this weekend, our shopping is nearly done. But looking forward to braving the crazies and the cold on Black Friday again this year! :) I can hardly wait.

Well, better get to work.

Have a great monday...TTFN

Very BAD photos of Frosty...

2008-11-07T15:20:00.007-07:00

I promise one of these days my internet at home will be back up and running and I will be able to show you adorable photos that we have taken of this cute little rodent of a dog since he's been in our possession. Topper is patiently dealing with Frosty and his need to bite everything including Topper's ears, nose, and paws. It's been really cute to watch Tristan with him as well, interacting, and taking care of him. I am suprised he hasn't tried to smuggle him in his backpack in the morning to head for school. Shh...I know, don't give him any hints. :)

TTFN

Experience

2008-11-05T09:45:00.006-07:00

Last night as I sat glue to the television, Tristan looks over at me and says "How is Mr. Obama doing?" I giggled at his little voice with such respect to call him Mr. and I said, "it'll be awhile, but it's looking good", he sat cuddling his new puppy and asks "what does the check mark on the red guy mean?" I say "oh, that means John McCain is predicted to win that state's election". He watched more with eager intent not quit understanding what he is seeing, but still eager to be in the experience. Frustrated he says "Heid, I told you not to say words I don't understand". So I explained what predicted means and he felt satisfied. Later that evening I had to also explain what sensitive means, because Frosty jumped out of his arms to the floor and he felt he had killed the puppy even though Frosty jumped up and ran to the soft carpet with such happiness that he bounced the whole way there. Tristan broke down with tears and I had to explain that I understand he is sensitive, but there is no need to OVER-REACT when the pain he felt he inflicted was completely unevident. He nodded with understanding and we move on with the rest of the evening.

Through out the evening I continued to watch with eager anticipation as more and more states turned either red or blue, Obama's number grew and at 11:00pm BOOM, the new President Elect was announced. I had goose bumps as he spoke, I had tears as the camera panned the crowd and people hugged and kissed and cheered with the excitment that YES WE CAN make a difference, YES WE CAN be one nation, under God. I am filled with pride today to have experienced a great day in American History. And look forward to positive change not only in our economy, but in our health care, and with getting the troops home safe and sound from Iraq so we can move forward in building and strengthening our military to help in a place where there is reason and need for American's to be fighting.

It's a happy day in America. Hooray for Mr. Obama!

TTFN

Halloween Fun

2008-11-03T19:36:00.003-07:00

I have to admit it...my least favorite day of the year and I had a good time this year! I will upload photos soon...Thanks to Mer, Summer, and Cam for a great night of trick-or-treating and dinner. We love you guys!

I am really anxious for the big day tomorrow. I am keeping my extremities crossed in all possible places. Here's to CHANGE!!!

We got a new addition to our little family...a small white chihuahua named Frosty. Again, photos as soon as I can.

Just wanted to check in and let you all know things are good and I will update everyone soon!

TTFN

Pam Atherton Story:Why Some Smart Women Think Palin is a Good Choice

2008-10-24T13:50:00.003-06:00

I know this is a little long...but well worth the read in helping us non Palin lovers, that are baffled by our smart women friends who are supporters, understand them a little bit better. Everyone deserves that head tilted nod of tolerance even if we can't agree right??? HA Ha Ha.

"I was at the dentist yesterday and the hygienist asked me what I thought of the upcoming election. I looked at this woman who had sharp objects in her hand and I thought it might be prudent to take the non-committal route.

"Wow! Sure is something, huh? Most exciting election in my lifetime," I said, eyeing those tools of doom carefully. "What do you think?" (Years of working in radio has taught me to turn the question back on the questioner.)

She told me that she didn't like Obama because he was "too slick, like a car salesman," but she showed disdain for John McCain's claim of 'I know how to do that.' She smirked at me "Well," she said "if you knew how to do it, why weren't you doing it? Why didn't you find bin Laden, and solve the financial mess?"

I nodded. (I couldn't really do much else). When she removed the buzz saw and pick axe from my mouth I said "What about Sarah Palin?"

"Oh, I like her."

Nowadays when people say that, I ask them why, largely because it is a concept that befuddles me.

"Well, she's gutsy. And I think she's probably dealt with the Russians, being as how they are right there."

We moved on to the economy with which EVERYone has a problem, so we were in safe territory, as least as far as my mouth and pain were concerned.

But the interchange brought forward something that had been niggling at the back of my brain. Why do some smart women think Sarah Palin is a good choice for Vice President? Why do some smart women like her?

This has been bothering me for some time. I have some very smart women friends and a few of them think Palin has what it takes. I don't get it. Why can't they see what I see and what many conservative pundits are falling all over themselves to say? Palin is not qualified.

I called my friend Betti Hoeppner, the therapist. She reminded me of a situation from over 10 years ago when I had worked for a man who was very smart about some things, but would not accept that he was a bad manager. Everyone told him he was a dreadful manager, and still he would not believe it. I was befuddled then, too.

In the course of our conversation she explained why. She told me that sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn't fit in with the core belief.

For example: You think you are an honest person. That is your core belief. But you cheat on your taxes. Cheating on your taxes goes against the idea of you being an honest person. This is a very uncomfortable feeling, the cognitive dissonance. You really want to continue believing that you are an honest person, so you may rationalize that the government "owes" you anyway.

But why do people hold the core belief that Palin is qualified in the first place? My friend Dr. Susan Bartell, the psychologist, was my next phone call.

"Think of it as a relationship," she told me. "Women are relationship-oriented, and many women feel that they are having one with the people they choose in the election. Some women say they could imagine themselves having coffee and pie with Palin around the dinner table."

All right. I get that. Not my thing, but I get that.

She told me that many women idealize their relationship partners. They see all the positive characteristics about that person and ignore the bad. This is especially true, Dr. Susan added, in the beginning of a relationship.

Okay. This I get. Who hasn't fallen in love with the "idea" that we have created of a person, instead of the actual person? And lots of really smart women have done that!

So for whatever reason they have chosen, some smart women have fallen in love with the "idea" of Sarah Palin. She's smart. She's gutsy. She's a woman. And she would be the first woman 'this close' to the Presidency.

And what happens when these smart women are presented with contradictory evidence? "Let's go back to the relationship analogy," Dr. Susan says. "When our eyes finally open to someone, we have choices. We can either get out of the relationship (divorce), or we stay and deal with the cognitive dissonance."

But Dr. Susan says that some women feel they don't have a choice. Their core belief is so strong that they don't believe they have an alternative. For example, perhaps they are strongly against pro-choice. Or they want a woman in the Executive Branch no matter what. Or they cannot subscribe to any of the democratic platform of ideas. At that point, they have no choice but to continue their idealization of Palin, thereby finding a way around their cognitive dissonance, albeit in an unhealthy way.

So in order to keep idealizing her, our smart friends either deny (that Alaskan report didn't find her guilty of doing anything unlawful), rationalize (and besides, they were partisan), or ignore (I never heard about any report. Besides, I just like her!).

The bottom line? When it comes to our smart women friends, we probably aren't going to be able to change their minds about Sarah Palin. They are either still idealizing her, or they have a core belief too strong to accept any alternatives. But at least now we know why these smart women are choosing to consider Palin qualified and will check the Republican box on the ballot. We just don't have to like it."

I am proud to say that I did my civic duty and went to the early vote booth last night! Took me 10 minutes...WHAT A GREAT IDEA EARLY VOTE IS!!! :)

TTFN

Just a quote I found joy in reading today...

2008-10-22T09:02:00.002-06:00

"Any situation today could be a tragedy or a comedy, it just depends on the mood that you're in when you're experiencing it, and the mood of the storyteller who is telling it" - Radha Mitchell

I am sure I'm not the only one!

2008-10-15T14:14:00.003-06:00

I guess I am suprised to find out more often lately that people that I love and that claim to love me have very large conditions on that love.

This weekend was another example of this type of recognition...

In my almost 39 years, I have never had persecution for the earlier times in my life with my religion of choice(LDS)nor for the more "real me" choice in my lifestyle of choice(being a Lesbian). Although I will always say I didn't choose to be attracted to girls, I did choose to allow myself to participate in a lifestyle that is "wrong" in the eyes of the LDS church...but I felt that my happiness is one thing I can reconsile with my God. He wants me to be happy and denying myself of loving and being loved to me is not his "plan".

Although I know I am not in the norm with never having been treated badly, I just didn't understand peoples fears in what "other's think" about the choices we all make in our lives.

UNTIL THIS WEEKEND!

I went to visit my parents in Sacramento this weekend. It was an eye opener, that is for sure. I know some of you have seen, talked about, or at least heard about the front page newspaper article in the Sacramento Bee. It landed on the kitchen table on the heels of a pretty passionate argument/debate my step dad and I had this past weekend.
I was raised a "good LDS girl", and with that came temple attendance, recieving my garments, going on a mission, and planning for that eternal family that is inevitable if I just lived "righteously". These things are things that I always say are part of the foundation of Heidi. I am who I am because of my past, present, and will continue to evolve because of my unwritten future.

My openmindedness and willingness to love without condition and judgment was something that I guess I believe everyone is capable of. But, after hearing some of the things my Dad said in regards to Prop 8 and why he is supporting it. I was overwhelmed to tears. I wasn't mad or sad about his position, I get it, I understand that the LDS Church has a very solid position in what Marriage is "supposed" to be, albeit that it just came to pass in the past 12 years or so. But my tears came from my dad's initial comment that he "wouldn't have this conversation with me" because "if we can't agree there is no reason to discuss it". After a little while of lovingly nudging we did finally have a conversation. I couldn't allow this to put a wedge between us.

My dad is very passionate about America, about freedoms, about his freedom to participate in whatever religion he chooses. He is passionate in his love for my mom, his second wife. He is passionate about his church and how his morals (although not) should be the morals of the world. His biggest passion about Prop 8 is that he doesn't want someone else to reinvent the definition of what marriage is. And it's his "moral obligation to stand up for those morals".

After talking about how his morals and the morals of his fellow congregation members and how they were persecuted in the beginnings of the churchs history, that his church is not the "norm", that his family and marriage is also a redefinition of marriage the way he is fighting so hard to keep "our kind" from being able to redefine. He started saying things like, why can't Americans see that one nation, under God is the way we need to be. I laughed, and he looked at me funny, and then said, "I guess that is what the people that want to vote No on Prop 8 are trying to get across". He sees that it's a civil rights issue, yet he just can't reconcile that with his passion for the Marriage Proclimation of the LDS Church.

I can't imagine his turmoil, with having a daughter that is gay, another daughter living with her "black baby daddy", another daughter who had asked to be excommunicated from his church because she believes in Darwinism and thinks God is a bunch of hoowie oh and also lives with her "boyfriend" of like 15 years. And still doesn't have a clear understanding of who his youngest son is either. It would be hard to have a clear line of sinners on one side of the fence and members of his "forever family" on the other side of the fence within his own "home".

I explained to him, I still have internal conflict at times with the "who I am and what is my purpose" that the LDS church ingrains in your being as you grow up through the ranks. But I am grateful that I have MOSTLY reconciled the fact that I am a good person, that I deserve love, and that happiness is what I am here to find. When I meet my "maker" we can then work out the small stuff. :)

BUT...thank the heavens above for my mom. She's going through her own journey in life with her own trials. And I am happy to say, although doesn't understand all the political and religious jargan, she is very much about "we are all adults and can make our own choices...let people live the way they want to live".

I love them both and respect them both. And am grateful that I have the opportunity to debate with them, to listen and spend time with them. My drive home with my Mom was a blast...we had great weather, listened to a book on cd, had many conversations, and just enjoyed the 12 hour drive. How grateful I am for that time we had. :)

Last night we went to see Dar Williams with our friends Lisa and Jocelyn. Dar is a folksy singer with her own "green" agenda. She was entertaining, and I think my mom even enjoyed it. I got her new album and look forward to our next concert/outing with Lis and Joc. We always have such a great time with them! :)

My mom went home today, she had her last doctor apt until the next bone scan. They ordered special medicine for her to help build up her "levels". She's in good spirits and although had a little trouble with getting tired seems to be doing really good.

She's off to a quilting retreat this weekend and then here and there for the next month or so. As she told me her schedule she laughed and said "Cancer wont make me sick, I am too busy to be sick!". :)

I am looking forward to this weekend, I just might get to go to a GLPU (Parents Group) event FINALLY this weekend, and then sunday I get to go to breakfast and catch up with Ky! I am really looking forward to that!

Well, I guess I better get going for now...just wanted to fill you in on what's happening in my little life this past few days...

TTFN

Marinating with these quotes

2008-10-06T19:46:00.007-06:00

"The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune." ~Boris Pasternak

Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. ~David Frost

I pride myself in the fact that I am passionate, honest, and full of integrity and I also have a deep belief that people are inately good. Being this kind of person I have found sorrow in that others just don't hold onto those same values. So reading these quotes made me really stop and think. Thinking about the people out there that do in fact work so hard at success but yet still fail. I wish them the strength to find that belief system that is a part of their foundation and build from there. Start anew, knowing things are always as they should be, a lesson to grow from, and a beginning to something greater.

I have been very busy and very full of emotion the past 3 weeks. I have thought to write it all down but just haven't taken the time or the energy it takes to do so.

My mom's cancer battle is just about over. I am really looking forward to some time with her this weekend, to take some time to worry about her and only her, to take care of her, if only for a moment. To be a little bit more like her and worry about someone else and their needs. Something she does consistantly on a daily basis...it's never poor me! What a role model! I am a little on the nervous side because I have a cold that just wont start so that it can actually end. With her immune system being so wrecked because of her treatments, me being around her could really cause some problems. Please (if your a prayer) pray for her and me that I can get better and she will not be afflicted by my cold.

Our home life seems to be on perpetual hold. The house plans are mostly finished, the contractor has given us a $$ amount, and now we are playing the loan waiting game. There are days that I am so frustrated that we don't live together as a family, but yet, I KNOW in my heart and head that things happen for reasons and we are here today for one of those reasons. It's just getting through today to find out what tomorrow will bring.

With the economy the way it is, and with people in the world raising mass amounts of money to promote hate...it makes me wish I had all the money in the world and then some, so I could fix all that is broken. That, in and of itself, makes me chuckle to myself...because even though I don't have all the money in the world, I still try my damndest in that fixit role!

I have been getting a little more political thanks to Keri these days. I have a lot of respect for her, she daily is out there fighting for my rights and the rights of many others while I sit back and enjoy the benefits that may unfold. It's a bit like enjoying the freedoms that the US Military fights for on a daily basis, so that I can live the life I choose to live. I have taken the time to actually listen to the media (taking it with a grain of salt of course), watching the candidates, listening to their points of view watching their reactions and actions through the good times and bad. It's been educational to say the least, and a bit entertaining as well. I thank those of you out there that blog about politics, your opinions, your beliefs. It's nice to be able to take them in and find if they fit in my own way of thinking. It's like a little puzzle, someone might say something that fits right into my way of thinking and helps complete the puzzle, but then someone else will say something that doesn't fit and so I just toss it out and don't bother getting it all mixed up in the stuff that I haven't puzzled together yet. I do know however this is a time in my life that even if I feel my voice doesn't matter here in this big RED state of Utah, I will VOTE and let my voice be heard. Someone said something on NPR yesterday that made me really think...(i'm paraphrasing) if you always vote straight party all the way, even if you don't agree with something one of your candidates stands for, why would they ever try to make changes for you...they know they have your vote no matter what. Just something to think about as you are studying up on the candidates and their stances on things.

Well, I leave you tonight with a hope, a hope that your next breath will give you the strength to overcome even the slightest irritation in your lives, the hope that all your wants, needs, passions, and beliefs will give you strength to smile knowing today is the only day that you can call today, if it was bad, it's over soon, if it was great, it'll be a memory that will last a lifetime, and if it was just okay, make tomorrow that much better! :)

TTFN

It's been a week

2008-09-11T20:04:00.002-06:00

So this week...these are the happenings.

1-My nephew had a t-shirt made for Grandma that says "Cancer ain't got shit on me!" and then on the back it's a scoreboard that says Grandma 4 Cancer 0 GO G-MA!. Yes my mom is a good little Mormon lady, but It's the cutest darn shirt...we'll have to update the 4 to 5 though. Yep you guessed it...she's got it again. This time it's shown up in her sternum. She went in today to be tatoo'd for her radiation treatments. She's staying positive, and wants to get it done so "our trip wont be screwed with" as she put it. I am going out to Sacramento on Columbus Day weekend and then she will be driving back with me...it'll just be her and me. I am really looking forward to it!

2-My dad came home from the hospital after his heart surgery with the heart of a 30 year old. But his lungs after so many years of unoxygenated blood have shrunk and now he's having trouble breathing. So they are working on medication levels and breathing treatments to get the rest of his body back to "normal". I went and hung out with him the other day and we ended up talking about how I am in charge of "splitting up his money" (didn't know he had any) when he dies. What a huge responsibility. EEK

3-Last friday was my last day at work. I got laid off again! But like I said, I had had a hunch, so thankfully the job that I was hoping for, the background check and drug test came back with a green light and I got hired! YEAH. That means INSURANCE! WOO HOO! That is a happy happy thought for a diabetic. Also the job comes with a 401k and pension plan. I will be starting monday! Oh, and although it's a 9-5er I can still wear my shorts. YEAH.

4-I finally had my root canal of the past couple of months finished this week. So glad that is over!

5-Topper (my adorable little baby) has had some problems with his anal glands the past 6 months or so. It was getting to the point that I had to take him into the vet every two weeks to get them expressed. Although gross & expensive, it helped relieve his pain and suffering. The doctor finally told me about a removal surgery that Topper would be a good candidate for. He is only 4 and with this many problems, "let's just take them out so he can go on with his life and not have all these problems". So I took him in yesterday to do it. POOOR little guy. He is having so much trouble, he's in so much pain, and all I can try to do is just hope the next few days go fast for him so he heals up fast. He can't poop without crying, and when he starts it hurts so bad he goes running into the house for some relief and little pooplets drop all over. Again, I know, gross, but I follow along and just clean up his mess, just like I would do if it was my own child doing the same thing. I am keeping him on his pain meds to help eleviate the issue and I think I might try to give him an enema tonight to help relieve his bowels. I will be doing some deep carpet/couch cleaning this weekend and again just can't wait until his little bumb starts to feel better.

6-I went to lunch with an old friend this week. It was good to see her, I feared after the "falling out" we had that there would be more silence then there was. The apololgy came with sincerity it seemed, but I am not sure that my forgiveness came across as I truely meant it. There were some ugly things that happened, some of which I am not ever sure I can ever forget. Some new information that was given that brought some disappointment and some other information that brought sadness to my heart. I love this person with a part of my heart that hurts in her absence. I told her that I don't have a crystal ball and I can't know what the future will hold. And I mean that...sometimes I wish I could predict the future. My gut tells me to stay cautious, so I will for now, but I don't want to caution myself out of a continued friendship with someone that means so much to me. So risk will have to be a part of my experience with her. I just hope that my love will not be in vain. I will continue to hope that I can be a better friend then I have been in the past and hope she knows that even with the pain that she inflicted...I am willing to continue to try.

I think that is it for catch ups...Treec, Tristan, and I went to the Fair with some great friends last weekend. I will put some photos up one of these days. I need to get the camera from Tree.

Tristan is testing for his Orange Belt in Karate this saturday. I am really proud of him and how hard he is practicing to get the moves down. We have been working on his reading and sight words every night too and he is doing really good with those too! I am really proud of him.

Guess I should get going for now...here's to another week almost over! TTFN

Labor Day Weekend

2008-09-02T21:45:00.003-06:00

It's been awhile since I have blogged...it's been a crazy few weeks. Had a hunch that I was going to be laid off at work, so I started looking for a new job. Looks like it wasn't just a hunch...but luckily I have found that job I was looking for! And actually it's going to be a nice career move. So I am looking forward to the background check and drug test to come back with a green light, so I can get started. I have to go back to an 8-5pm work shift, but maybe someday soon I will be able to actually just work one job, not two, or three! :)

I found out today that my dad had to go in for heart surgery. It was supposed to be an outpatient thing, but they decided to keep him overnight just to make sure things are okay. He has had a heart murmur for like 20 years, he wasn't getting enough oxygen in his blood so his heart was working overtime. The doc said that he was the perfect candidate for this particular surgery, and in fact his heart rate and blood pressure are now better then it's been for years and years. So it's looking good. But it's not fun to see my dad laying in a hospital bed hooked up to all those heart monitors.

Labor day weekend was also Treec's 35th birthday. I planned a camping trip up to Fish Lake. It was a really great weekend. Two of her co-workers ended up coming up for one of the nights and days. We went out fishing one afternoon in a pontoon boat, and then the next morning we took out an old aluminum boat for a few hours. We found a school of Perch that we had a blast for about an hour just putting our line in the water and pulling them out. We also caught just enough rainbow trout to eat for a few of the meals. It rained a bit and the wind blew, we even had to turn the heater on in the trailer, but all in all it was a great weekend. I will leave you with a few of photos from the weekend.

I will update you more as I get more info about the new job, about my Dad's health, and about life in general.

TTFN

Update:

2008-08-18T20:48:00.003-06:00

Tristan is home. Ex is a pain in the ass. And "enemy" passes, as my Delta friend calls them is no way for a 6 year old to have to fly. He was a mess when he finally got home yesterday (yes, one day earlier then last found out), but he is home, safe, and back with us. Now we have a few days of detoxing from him not having any parental guidance or supervision, and all will be back in harmony again... ha ha ha.

School starts monday the 25th...I can't believe he'll be in first grade! Just when you know it, he'll be in Junior High, then High School...then Treec will be sad because her baby will be going off to college. But at least while we have him close now...we can teach him the best way to be a good upstanding member of society. And I know one day he will look back with respect and gratitude for our patience, love, and guidance.

Saturday afternoon Treec and I decided to go to the most challenging lake for a fisherman in Utah...I swear. Silverlake up next to Brighton ski resort is miserable to say the least. The fish are jumping all around your line, you can change bait 40 times and they will still figure out that you are just baiting them...hell I almost threw them a few M&M's to see if they would bite! But it was nice to get away for a few hours together anyway...and it helped keep Treec mind off her boy.

We inherited a truck from Tree-c's grandma this weekend...we had to get it fixed...her (dumb ass) father decided to try to change a battery in it so he could drive it, put the cable's on backwards, blew up the battery and starter...luckily my dad and his buddy know what they are doing and they were able to fix it all up, now we just need a new battery and it'll run like a champ.

SO...if anyone is looking for a beater truck...I have a truck for sale (our other one) we are the 2nd owners, and have had it a year...it's a 1990 Ford F250, it needs a little work on the clutch. But it runs great.

My family will be in town this thursday through sunday. I am looking forward to them coming! It'll be a full house, but I can't wait!

TTFN

How can anyone be so inconsiderate?

2008-08-16T11:37:00.002-06:00

So...as you all know Tristan went with the Ex this past week. They went to the Ex's new gf's sister's house just outside of New York and then I guess they went into the City for a day to see some sights. We don't know the extent of the trip yet becuase when Trist does call, it's conveniently placed in a time that they are running out the door, or have to "get off the phone" to eat dinner or whatever. So Treec got a text about 9:00pm last night that says "the flight we were supposed to be taking home is full" "I will keep you posted". Treec instantly get's upset (of course) and we have to talk though how things are out of our control, and we'll just have to take things in stride. Well this morning Trist calls, and I answer the call (Treec wasn't able to answer)and we chat for a minute. I say to him "hey buddy, what's your favorite part of your trip so far...(he tells me petting a goat at a park) I sure can't wait to see you tonight!" and he says "our flight is full and there's nothing we can do about it". So I say, "well, when are you coming home?" and his little voice says "I don't know, gotta go now bye" and he hangs up. So Treec finally get's to the phone were she has a text from the Ex saying that the flights today and tomorrow morning are full, so they have to fly to Vegas tomorrow night, and then fly home monday evening. I could litterally see the smoke billowing out of her ears! She calls the Ex and proceeds to get more and more upset, finding out that "they didn't do this on purposed, but they are flying standby to save money and the flights are all full, there is nothing they can do about it". So I head downstairs to my laptop, where I proceed to find out that there are 3 flights left on todays flight home, but that tomorrows flights are completely sold out. Treec may have not thought to look into the Ex's story to find out of it was true...but I sure as hell wasn't about to take her word for it! Why can't people be honest? Why does she have to lie, manipulate, and abuse the situation. So when Treec tried to call back to confront her on the flights...of course she conveniently doesn't answer her phone, and she has it set so you can't leave a voicemail. Makes us both want to fly to New York right now and pick him up ourselves!

Even with all the people that I know that have "joint custody" or have been taken away from their kids all together, and as sad as that makes me, the Ex's behavior would be what makes people like Treec think twice before she allows her son, her pride and joy, to be in a position of such inconsiderate dishonesty! She's abusing her rights as a co-parent and using Tristan as a pawn in her games. It's ugly and very wrong!

I do know this...Treec will NEVER let her take him on vacation again without knowing she has a ticket in hand with an exact time of arrival...none of this standby shit!

It's just really sad to me, because Treec trusted the Ex with her son, and this is how she repays that trust.

SAD...

TTFN

Tristan's FIRST vacation without his Mommy!

2008-08-10T14:23:00.004-06:00

9:45pm saturday evening we took Tristan to meet Tree's ex at the airport. After many many long conversations between her and I, Tree finally decided that it wouldn't be fair of her if she denied the ex the experience of vacationing with her son. I convinced her also that we should encourage situations were Tristan is able to experience as many things in his life as possible. So they left on a Jet Blue flight to the JFK airport. We got a call at 4:00am our time with Tristan's excitement that after only 5 hours in the plane, which he slept through, the sun was up and he was ready to go...luckily we still had 5 more hours of sleep in our future. :) Of course the second Treec let go of Tristan at the curb, he ran with excitement because he loves security at the airport soooo much. It's his favorite part of a vacation. Taking off his shoes, walking through the metal detectors, he is compeltely facinated with the whole experience. Of course as we sat back into our seats in the car, the tears started to flow and Treec sob uncontrollably. I held her hand as I drove away, and then tried with every part of my "fix it personality" just to listen to her concerns without trying to convince her that he will be fine and she's being irrational. She knew it as well as anyone, she just needed her moment to be able to let it all come out. I am proud of myself, (as I pat myself on the back) by the time we got home the tears had stopped and we were able to enjoy the next few hours cuddling on the couch watching some of the tivo'd Olympics.
I would have liked to take the whole week off and made sure that it was packed full so Treec didn't have any time to get sad and miss her boy. But work, work, and more work will keep me from being able to devote all my time to that. But we are going to go see a couple of "adult" movies that we have wanted to see. And the rest of the week will be filled with getting things accomplished, cleaning, laundry, back to school shopping, etc. The days will fly and next saturday will come faster then we know it.

My part time job has recently become a second full time job. I have worked every day this week except thursday night. I am literally exhausted trying to work a full time day job and fill in were needed on my night/weekend job. The manager of the store had to "get out of town" on short notice(let's just say there were loan sharks, threats of beating and lots and lots of money involved-yes it happens in Utah too!) and so me being me, stepped up to take over the responsibilities of manager. I have had to bail on plans made (SORRY), and have had to pass on plans wanting to be made...but I know in a few weeks when things settle down, I will feel good about helping where needed and am certain will get a well deserved pat on the back. And honestly, in any job, what more could I ask for then recognition and gratitide for a job well done. It makes me feel really good! :)

My mom, step dad, little sis, and niece come into town the 21st for a few days. It's my mom's bro's 80th birthday, so were having a little family reunion. I am really looking forward to their visit. Then I am flying out to mom's in October for my niece Presley's 2nd birthday. The "homesick" feeling I have had the last little while seems to be dampened by the multiple visits...so I am happy about that.

We had a meeting with a general contractor a couple of weeks ago about the re-model of Tree's house. We were supposed to meet him again saturday morning, but that didn't work out with my crappy work schedule. So we hope to be having a meeting of the minds on friday afternoon/evening with him. He has some plans drawn up and some great ideas on paper. Now just cross your fingers that'll it'll be affordable so we can finally get started on the "moving in together" process! :) WOO HOO.

Guess I ought to get back to work, Lego's Indiana Jones is calling my name! :) TTFN

GLPU Campout...FINALLY!

2008-08-07T22:24:00.009-06:00

So I can't believe it's been almost a week since our GLPU campout. Life goes so damn fast! AHHHH...we went up Fairview Canyon friday morning to meet up with some of the early birds. When we got there they were just getting their own tents and what-not set up so once we all got set up, we took a nice needed break and headed down to the lake for some water play and sun! Treec and I took the dogs and even though some of the dogs didn't completely get along, we were really glad we took them on a much need vacation too! :) On saturday afternoon I decided to make dutch oven dinner and dessert for the "pot-luck" desert and so I encouraged Treec and Trist to go off for some fishing...I AM SO GLAD THEY WENT! Tristan got creative and put two colors of power bait (Spring Green with sparkles, and Salmon Pink) onto the hook. He cast it out, and about minute later a fish hit his line and he started to reel! I guess it got a little hard but luckily Treec had the net ready and he landed a 21" Native Brown Trout. He was so excited...as they drove back into the camp they were honking and he was holding it above his head like he had just won the World Series Trophy! Everyone was amazing, following the lead and cheering him on for his catch!

We enjoyed Smore's around the campfire, the kids played and got FILTHY dirty, and we even got in a nap! What a great weekend...we can't wait for next year! For those of you that missed it, here are some of the "best of" photos! :)

I have no idea where my mind was...

2008-08-06T20:05:00.004-06:00

This was a poem I blogged April 1st 2007 on "MySpace". I don't frequent MySpace as often as I used to, so when I pulled this Blog up and re-read the words that I wrote I thought that I would instantly be swooshed back to that time and know exactly why I wrote these words. Not so much! I do know who they are about, just not why then and what the meaning and feeling was behind them. Maybe that is a good thing, it's as if I have been able to evolve past that time and that person. It's nice to have that be the conclusion after the pain during the end of that chapter in my life. Just makes me realize even more that life is just a book, with chapters, chapters that bring in new characters, revive old ones, and sometimes bury the past so the future can be unfolded.

Thought I would share it...maybe it'll have meaning to one of you readers during this chapter in your life.

The beauty in you is so real it glitters
The beauty in you is so fake it shines
I can't stroke your ego
I can't put you on a pedestal
I have nothing to give though my habit is giving
If you have no expectations I might not fail
If you don't love me back you lose, not me

Your beauty is fading
Your beauty is lost
I can't stroke your ego
I can't put you on a pedestal
I have nothing to give though my habit is giving
Please expect me to stay and I might not fail
If you don't love me back, we both lose, but only for a moment

Your beauty is emense
Your beauty is insane
I can't stroke your ego
I can't put you on a pedestal
I have everything to give as my habit is giving
We will expect from each other and win for the moments we love

A lit'o bit'o Alex, Rachel, any other Rose would smell so sweet!

2008-08-06T18:43:00.005-06:00

So I have a friend...she's an amazing person. Someone I have admired for many years, even so much as put her up on a pedestal. I have longed to be closer to her and secretly longed for her to sing to me (okay, maybe not so secretly...ha ha ha). She's someone, that even with lifes slight pauses, is always there when I call, email, text, whatever. She listens with openess, she always gives advice with love and patience, and is one of the most sincere people I have met.

This friend of mine writes with such intrigue and intensity, I always am left wanting more after I finish reading her words. She is an unpublished author who I continue to threaten, one day I will send her stories to a publisher and we will make millions! :)

This friend has finally come to the world of blogdom and I wanted to give her blog a shout out and welcome her to Blog Land! :) Go check her out...you'll be in for a great adventure through the mind of an amazing woman! http://quandaryuncensored.blogspot.com/

Hawaii

2008-07-15T19:24:00.009-06:00

So It kinda feels little to late to be talking about Hawaii now that we have been back over a week...so I will attach some photos and some comments about it and leave it at that. Sorry they aren't in order.

My fishin' buddy and me! :)
Cool sea life in the clear ocean
Me and Trist on boogie boards in the beautiful clean clear ocean.
Trist buried in the sand by Aunt Penny and Uncle Billy
Ocean waves crashing against the lava rock at the beach
Treec, Trist and a Hula girl...she thought Trist was so cute in his little pareos, also known as a lava lava or sarong.
Trist and I at the Place of refuge with all the Tiki's this was our favorite place to visit while we were there.
More Tiki's
Chaka at the bay at the place of refuge
Pu'Uhonua O Honaunau or Place of Refuge. This was our favorite place to visit.
The beautiful Makalea golf course...thanks Treec for letting me complete an item on my "list of things to enjoy in life". Golfing in Hawaii is just plain amazing.
These peacocks are all over the golf course, like the geese are all over our golf courses. There were times when the peacocks would guard our ball so that we couldn't hit, so we would have to grab a chip from the bag and toss it the opposite direction to get it to run away. It was kinda creepy, but still neat to watch them fan out their feathers and just to be so close to them.
This is my little family next to our pool at the house we stayed in the night we went to the Luau.
Tristan at the Luau in his very popular Lava Lava
part of the Luau...we ate some interesting things...seaweed wrapped rice and chicken, khalua pork, coconut tofu, and all you can drink Mai Tai's...and if you took them up to the bar they would add more rum on top...yumm-o!
Us at dusk at the tidepools
a banana tree in our back yard, we also had a papaya tree, and a coconut tree
Treec at the bay in Hilo
Rainbow falls on the Big Island. The post cards show these falls much more then just this little trickle. I guess in the winter it flows a lot heavier. And each morning a rainbow reflects off the water, which is why it's called Rainbow Falls.
Us again...
Trist and Treec with one of the many many many gecko's we had running around our house and yard.
This is South Point - the southern most tip of the USA. The water was so clear, we could see clear down to the bottom where there was coral and rocks. There were a couple of guys cliff diving and I really really wanted to do it, but chickened out!

me chickenin out...
this is the Black Sand Beach. The sand is soft feels just like "normal" sand, but it's lava rocks that have been crushed into sand. It's amazing. There were about 4 Green Turtles eating on the lava rocks just behind the rock I took this from. The photos didn't turn out well, they aren't very cooperative when it comes to taking their photo.
Trist playing on the black sand beach
our airplane ride
another one of our little gecko's I swear everything is in Technicolor in Hawaii.
see what I mean? this is just one of the many flowers I took a photo of...amazingly beautiful
our first day on the "beach" lots of lava rocks everywhere, but this made it fun to see so many sea creatures, crabs, sea urchings, sea cucumbers, green turtles, fish,
our first day we found this little guy eating seaweed off some of the lava rocks. He was so neat.

We had a great trip, and I can't wait to go back again some day! I understand why people come home after a trip to the Islands, pack up and move the Paradise. It's amazing.

Hope you enjoyed the photos...

TTFN

Back to Life...Back to Reality

2008-07-09T18:05:00.005-06:00

So, today was my first day back to work (both jobs in fact) since the 26th of June and boy was it not my fav!
I didn't think acclimating from west to east would be as difficult as it has been for me. I stay up until all hours of the night 'cause I am wide awake and then want to sleep until noon...but then again, that's pretty much normal, i'm just using acclimation as the excuse. HA HA HA.

Hawaii was different then expected, but I do tend to have high expectations, so once I just let myself enjoy it, it was amazing! I will update with photos, commentary and lots of stories later...have to sift through 400+ shots to find you some great ones and i'm sure I will have so many stories you'll be reading my blog for like an hour...ha ha ha. I will try to make it enjoyable, none the less.

On our last day...leaving my family, as always, was hard for me. I have been thinking alot about why i'm in Utah, what keeps me here, and what my future would hold if I packed it all up and moved back to Cali to be near my family...and I honestly am back and forth about the pro's and con's about staying and going.

Change, unless forced upon me, is usually something I avoid like the plague so actually following through with some of my deeper wants sometimes get's overpowered by my fear of change.

I have a tatoo all printed out and ready to go that is the embodiment of "Embrace Change" in a Chinese symbol but I just can't seem to bring myself to tatoo something on my body that I may not be able to follow through with. BUT I REALLY WANT TO BE ABLE TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Just have to have patience with myself.

I guess it is like "those people" that vocalize their well being, or their sanity; to paint the picture to others that they are "OK" that they are better then they really are, but in all reality their world is crumbling around them and the control is nothing but a joke. I would rather say "i'm in chaos and fear and I don't like it" to the people I trust, have friends to lean on, and then strive to make things better vs. pretend things are "great" and then crumble in my own insanity all alone when the chaos and fear become to great.

I guess it all boils down to trust and vulnerability. I am fearful that people aren't always trustworthy, and that when it becomes vulnerable, it's all about "taking care of me" attitudes that break down honest loving relationships.

Wow...Where did that all come from? Guess it was something eating at me to come out...I try not to question when words flow as they have just now...I will leave you all with that for now! (Please Please Please know that these are just random babblings and there is no underlying judgement or finger point meant by these words - thanks, the writing staff)

I will be back soon with Hawaii!!! TTFN

Root Canal - Ouch

2008-06-19T22:18:00.002-06:00

Tuesday afternoon I took my dad golfing at Riverbend Golf Course for Father's Day. We only played 9 holes, but we have decided it needs to be a bi-monthly routine. I am really looking forward to that, it's something to allow us to continue building a great relationship.

When we got done, I met up with Patrice, Tristan, and a few other friends for an evening of fun at Liberty Park. The kids ran through the fountain, we pushed them on swings where we got "super duper high" and we ate Pizza and breadsticks for dinner (Thanks Mer and Summer). What a great evening. We finally left the park about 9:00pm with disappointment on all our faces, it was a fun fun night.

By the time I got home, my mouth was hurting so bad. It was throbbing into my jaw and my ear was starting to hurt...so after a very long, painful night, I got up an called an Endontist and got in for an emergency root canal at 2:30pm wednesday afternoon. OUCH! Not to get gross, but they dug and dug and dug out the infection from my tooth. I thankfully had protective eyewear on because it splashed up everywhere in disgusting chunks! Bleck, I think I might throw up thinking about it...well, I did end up throwing up, but it was because I took some Loritab to help with the pain, and it didn't do well to my stomach or head, Loritab and me don't mix! Today wasn't pleasant, full of sleeping the drugs off and trying to manage the pain without Loritab...but I am feeling a little bit better tonight, so I am happy about that!

7 more days until Hawaii! WOO HOO...and yes, in case you were wondering I have started to pack.

TTFN

Weekly Horoscope

2008-06-16T23:43:00.002-06:00

So I have a weekly horoscope that comes on my phone text message every monday morning at 9:00am. It's not that I take stock in horoscopes, but sometimes they say things that really make me think...today is one of those days.

"Detach yourself from previous roles. They are obsolete. Let them go."

I have three things in my life in the past few months that have made this horoscope ring very very true.
1-Patrice and I have been talking seriously about how I kind of became the bad guy to Tristan. Patrice had a tendancy to be to "soft" and I had a tendency to over compensate for that and be a little to "hard". We have been working really hard to change that role.

2-My best friend has made some choices in her life that for whatever reason put a huge barrier between us. She hasn't talked to me since before Mother's Day and I am really confused and sad about it. Maybe she no longer needs my friendship, and I should let her go???

3-My mom's best friend kinda took me in under her wing many many years ago. She has two kids that I adopted as my bro and sis. Well, Sis is getting married on June 28th. I am really sad because I will be in Hawaii, but in all honesty I haven't really been close to these guys since about 8 years ago, I mean, semi close, but not like before for sure...so maybe the role of "sister" is one that is obsolete now.

Just a really thought provoking horoscope...

TTFN

Weekend Fun

2008-06-16T22:46:00.002-06:00

This past weekend was fun filled, so I wanted to show off some photos and fill you in.

Friday night I was able to get the night off from my part time job...it's not common that I get a friday night off so I have not been able to make it to the friday night GLPU park nights. First off I want to take the time to publically thank Mer and Summer for taking their time, energy, and finances at times to make everyone in the GLPU feel welcome and involved when it comes to friday nights. They have taken on the responsibility of making it easy for people to come and get to know each other and allow the kids to play with each other while the adults have time to talk. So this past friday they took the opportunity to expand "park" night and we had "canyon" night. Millcreek canyon is close, cool, and semi secluded. We were able to go up, find a fire pit for roasting marshmallows, and the kids played near the creek and played king of the hill on a very large rock. There were only three family's that made it up the canyon, but it was so great none the less.

Saturday morning I had to get up and go to work for a few hours, and Tristan went to Karate to do testing for his yellow belt. He was focused and dedicated and could hardly wait to call when he was done to tell me how great he did. I am very proud of him.

Saturday afternoon Mer, Sum, and Cam came over to my house to hang out. The boys played, ran through the sprinklers, and even took a small little nap while Patrice, Mer, Sum and I had some tasty cold adult beverages and b-b-q'd. We ended up going to the drive in that night to see Kung Fu Panda, which we had already seen, but it was better the second time around, and then for everyone else to watch Narnia while me and the boys snored our way through it. :) I can never stay awake for the second show. Darn-it.

Sunday morning was father's day, I called both of my dad's to wish them a great day and then we headed up Provo Canyon for a fishing/picnic. We could see the fish, and at any given time there would be 8-10 fish hitting the bait but not eating it. Then all of a sudden I watched a fish hit my bait and I jerked and snagged a fish, I let Cam reel it in, which he seemed to enjoy, and Tristan scooped it up out of the river with the net, it was a total team effort. Once the fish was out of the water, and I got the hook out of it's mouth the flopping fish pooped and started to bleed and then flipped all the gooey ooey stuff all over, poor Cam got some on his cheek and kinda freaked a little. He didn't want anything to do with it from there on out. We totally have plans to go again...I think we all had a great time, even Mer trying to cast Cam's little 2 foot pole 20 yards out...I am telling you, she's a natural. :)

We decided to allow the Ex to have Tristan for a few hours sunday afternoon for "Other Parent's Day" so that Patrice doesn't have to share "mother's day". No sense in wasting a perfectly good holiday just 'cause there is no father in our little family. So after we dropped him off we headed to Cabela's. Love that store...we never get out of there without spending $$. We found a new fishing pole for Patrice, a cool new camel pack for Tristan for his b-day (July 22nd), and some new spinners for when we fish up on the lake. I am really looking forward to our next fishing trip!

We have 11 days until Hawaii...I am getting more and more excited each day that it get's closer.

Hope you enjoy the photos...

TTFN

Seriously...it's June!

2008-06-12T16:07:00.005-06:00

I was sitting here a minute ago and realized that I haven't written a blog since May...it's now June, we've had ups and downs, fun and drama, and all of it undocumented here on the worldwide web...I better give you a re-cap.

Softball has been non exhistant for weeks now because of rain outs...but we do have a game tonight which I am looking forward to. Maybe one of these days we can put aside all the drama and actual play and win a game. I will keep you posted on that.

Patrice, Tristan and I have been spending a lot of fun fun times with some friends the last little while that have made us really happy. We have a lot in common, we have a lot to talk about, and the boys are getting closer and closer. We are really excited about it.

SLC Gay Pride 2008 was this past weekend. We went to the parade, then walked around the festival and let the boys play play play. Also giving hugs to those people we tend to only see once a year at Pride. It was a beautiful day FINALLY!

After Pride we went to the movies and saw Kung Fu Panda. Tristan laughed histerically, I wouldn't say it's the best cartoon movie of the century, but it was a cute one.

I went to Fairview with my dad and spent a day hanging kitchen cabinets in Patrice's grandma's cabin. What a day of hard work...but the results were spectacular. I can now claim to be a professional cabinet installer. :)

Memorial Day weekend was a surprise if you remember for Patrice. We ended up in Mesquite for the weekend and even drove into Vegas for the day. We gambled, played Bingo, walked the strip, slept in, ate buffets, had an In-N-Out Burger (twice) and just had a great weekend together. Oh yeah and we saw Pete Rose at the Forum Shops in Cesars! WOO HOO.

This weekend is going to be full of canyon trips, fishing, movies, b-b-q's fun and friends. I am really looking forward to it.

Next weekend is Ani Difranco! I CAN HARDLY WAIT!

And then the next weekend we leave for Hawaii...so all in all, the fact that it's only June is probably good, since our lives are so busy...

Enjoy a few of the photos from the last few weeks.

TTFN

Heidi & Tristan...buddies
Winnings-woo hoo
Pete Rose at the Forum Shops in Vegas
My favorite Double meat Animal Style
Patrice and Me at the top of the Stratosphere right before we rode the Sling Shot! :)

Windstorm, Rainy Days, and a joke to make you smile

2008-05-21T09:23:00.004-06:00

So last night after karate, we went to Iceburg to meet some friends for ice cream and to let the boys get some energy out mid week! WHAT A BLAST! The boys ran around chasing an unsuspecting little girl who mind you, was a stranger, all around the place. They had these looks like, "ooh" she's cute, she took off running and the chase was on. First Cam, then Tristan followed suit. So funny. After finally getting our long awaited food and shakes, we laughed and talked, and got to know each other better-love getting to know these guys. THANKS to you both! Well, all of a sudden, if you live in Utah you know that the weather can change from summer to winter in 0-60, we had a massive tornado type wind gush through, ranch dressing oozed down my front, wrappers and cups went flying, we all jumped to gather the garbage, I cleaned as much of the ranch off my shirt as I could while getting pelted by dust and other flying debri and we ran to our cars for safety. CRAZY WIND STORM! But it was fun to get together anyway...

This morning we woke up to a cool rainy morning. Rainy days totally get me down it's dark and dreary. I am a girl that loves me some sun! :) Hopefully it'll be back for our weekend retreat! :)

Well, here is a joke to help bring a smile to your face, and maybe a little sun on this rainy day. Have a good day...

Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?

Wait for it...

Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.

HA HA HA
K...TTFN

Great thursday night...

2008-05-16T19:33:00.002-06:00

So last night was spent on a family night! With me working so many extra hours, and with Tristan's karate schedule, and with just juggling life, we have found that we have to actually make time for family time! So we did that last night. As soon as I got off work yesterday I went and picked up Treec and Trist and we went downtown to the Gateway. We picked up Speed Racer tickets as it was our only option for that theatre with Tristan being there...(sorry Sum, Mer, and Cam...we'll have to go to another movie with you guys, there are many many movies coming this summer!!!) and then we ventured out to find a good place to eat. We have tried many of the restraunts at the Gateway and have been pretty impressed so far, so when we found Tucanos (a Brazillian Grill) we didn't hesitate to try it out. Let me just say, I was impressed...and I am a picky eater...so that is good! We had a good time keeping an eye out for the skewers of meat coming around to decide "Red" we don't want that or "Green" we do want that! Tristan had a blast messing with the Skewer guys...plus he ate free! Gotta love that, since it's all you can eat and Brazillian food! :) After the movie, which Tristan totally loved, we went to HagenDaz for some ice cream and then headed home to get ready for bed. What a great night out! :)

I am now at work, friday night, a Jazz game on - friends that invited us to come watch it (who we haven't seen in forever and really miss seeing), and I am stuck in a video game store, helping the non-exhistant customers because they are all at home watching the game! :) OH WELL.

Just wanted to to say hi and remind myself that when I take time for the important things in life, the other things tend to fade to the back and keep me in perspective!

Can't wait for Memorial Day weekend...i'm taking Treec on an adult getaway, that we desperately need! Shhh though, it's a surprise! :)

TTFN

New outlook...

2008-05-14T16:41:00.002-06:00

Just wanted to take a minute and say, through baby steps with myself, my family, my girlfriend, my friends, and all the rest of you that don't fit into any particular titled category...I am happy to say that I am getting on! It may take a minute to get myself back into a space that feels safe, secure, and comfortable. But I am workin on it! And that is todays accomplishment!

Wanted to wish like Jackson a happy b-day. And congratulate my nephew Timmy for his amazing PT scores and his upcoming new tour of duty to Washington state. I may just get to go up and see him in Aug, killing two birds with one stone while I go up and enjoy the wedding of one of the greatest men I have ever known...my prom date! :) I know, I know that sounded funny... :0) Makes me laugh myself.

Anyhoo...hope your days are filled with love and happiness.

TTFN

I am so pissed off right now!

2008-05-08T21:22:00.006-06:00

What a better time to blog then when your so pissed off that you must get it all out and then maybe just maybe you can take a deep breath and see some clarity through the chaos of the explosion! Tonight was game 4 (one of which was rained out) of our women's softball league. This week we were required to have our uniforms, and even though it was a little on the cool side, sweatshirts over the top of the jerseys was totally acceptable. Well, I have one player on my team to give you a bit of a recap, that has an abrasive side, we'll call her B. She is a great person, and a great player, but has a tendency to get over the top competative and there have been times that she has hurt and offended certain less competative and less talented players on our team. She's the one on the team that is loudest with wanting things her way and has a tendency to bitch about things when they aren't her way. WELL...me being me, wearing my heart on my sleeve, trying to please everyone, I have a tendency to try to be the buffer, to smooth things over so that she is happy. This year, I lost two really great players, who I have had on my team since day one of starting Crush, because they wanted to play on a team that they were just able to have fun on, that they didn't have to pussy foot around B. And they didn't like how she treated then. Well, again me being me, I thought, these girls don't want to stick around and play with my team, that is totally okay, I will stay loyal to B, 'cause at least she wants to be here. Well, fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, when I gave B her new uniform for the year. They are cooler then t-shirts, girls style softball jerseys. For the past two years running B has bitched about the softball shirts being t-shirts and how "HOT" they were, so I thought getting cool thin underarmor type jerseys would be a welcome change...Yeah, well, first thing out of her mouth is a bitch, about how it's a girls cut shirt, and how it's going to be to small, and how everyone is going to hate them. I didn't engage and just said, it's the uniform, I have a bigger one if you want to trade...or you can not wear it and not play, your choice, and walked away...I don't want to go into all the gory details, but for the past 2 weeks it's been a bone of contention, last week I didn't even get spoken to by B during the game at all. That makes for a fun team atmosphere. Well, tonight we get to the game, and like I said before tonight is when we have to have our uniforms on. Knowing full well she is doing it to piss me off, as she goes to walk up to hit and doesn't have her jersey on, I say again, "B, you need to wear your uniform or choose not to play" She got angry and said she would wear her sweatshirt. I said that was fine, and I am not sure why, but I assume that because I wasn't engaging in her immaturity, she got mad so she forced her gf to give her her super extra big shirt to wear. I again mentioned having a bigger jersey if she wanted it and she just walked away from me. Well, that put her gf in a position to have a jersey that she could not fit over her boobs, which looked rediculous, and as far as I was concerned didn't represent our sponsor very well, who paid $550 for us to play this season...After she started running the bases she realized the jersey was too big so she practically took it off, just wearing it on her shoulders...it was just immature and completely to piss me off! So after the inning was over I walked up and said to her "B, you can wear your jersey or not play...you pick" very matter of fact, I felt like I was talking to a 5 year old that was trying to manipulate to get their way. She told me to F-off and that she quit. I said "that's your choice" and turned and asked our sub to step in and play for her. She procceeded to attempt to engage with me and other players on the team for the next hour, stiring up controversy in the stands from what I was told. She kept saying she was leaving and then just never left, she was throwing a fit, and I was a little embarrased for her.
Over the past 3 weeks, I am not saying that I handled myself completely appropriatly, but it's rec level softball for crying out loud. We have a team uniform and all we have to do is wear it for one hour a week for a few months out of the year. Honestly, is it worth this much controversy and conflict??? After the game she continue to try to engage, and ended up getting my goat. She pulled me in and I even cried from frustration, I hate when I let my emotions come out like that, but sometimes I can't help it, I wear my heart on my sleeve and the past month has been so emotional anyway, it's just been the straw on the camels back.

I just don't get it...why do people have to be so unwilling to make adjustments for the better of the whole? Why do some instead feel that the world owes them something so everyone should bend over backwards for them?
I keep coming back to the same thought the past few days...it's as if this world is filled up with givers and takers, and the takers keep on taking and the givers keep on giving, and no one finds sanity or peace because the takers feel they are owed and the givers don't feel they are worthy to be given back to. It just makes me so sad and cynical the past few days!

It's just been a rough time lately! Thanks for listening...

TTFN

Small observation I need to marinate with...

2008-05-04T23:42:00.003-06:00

Tonight, after a great day on the golf course, and an even greater afternoon with friends, in the warm sun (where I got a slight sun burn)...thanks Mer, Sum, and Cam! :)

Patrice and I had another talk. If you don't know me, I will preface that comment with I could talk a dead horse back alive...I mean it, I talk and talk and talk, I really get annoying, I even annoy myself at times! Sorry honey...I will work on that. :)

But anyway...so we were talking and she made an observation that she got out in words and I have been thinking about it ever since. She said that when she gives to me, for instance, cleaning up the dishes after I make dinner...she can tell that it makes me uncomfortable, as if I sit there and feel guilty that she is doing anything for me. And it's true. I never recognized it, I never realized that there are times that when someone is giving me something it makes me uncomfortable...a compliment, a present, whatever...and then I feel guilty as if I don't deserve it or am not worthy of it. What is it about me that does this? What is it about me that gives everything I have to feel the least bit fulfilled? And does it fulfill me or is that when I feel the most empty?

I must sit with this and marinate for the time...

Here is an analogy to ponder over...

Have you ever served a ball into your opponents court, and then not trusted they will follow the rules and hit the ball back to you so you can continue the game, so you jump the net to hit the ball back to yourself?

TTFN
Heidi

Going to make it a good day!

2008-05-04T08:42:00.003-06:00

So yesterday was seriously a high stress day. I was able to get the claim in with the insurance agency and an adjuster will come out and assess the damage tomorrow! Keep your fingers cross that it all works out.

I worked until 6:00pm, through all the circus acts of our Grand Opening. It was a chaotic day, and for those that know me, I am not really good with chaos! I like things structured and organized. So needless to say I was exhausted by the time my head hit the pillow last night.

But...at 7:30am, without an alarm, my body and mind were ready for the day, so I got up, got showered, made a tee time, and decided today was going to be the first day of the rest of my life! I am going golfing with friends, and then this afternoon Mer, Sum, and Cam invited us to get together for a long awaited hang out day at the park. I am really looking forward to that...

I haven't seen my friend Ky in it seems like years! I am feeling a little withdrawls from not having one on one with her, so we have tentatively planned to get together for some Heidi Ky time. I am really looking forward to that too!

I wish you all a wonderfully sunny and warm Sunday! My favorite day of the week...and I hope your day is as great as I know mine is bound to be.

TTFN
Heidi

My jacked up rear end...

2008-05-02T21:37:00.004-06:00

Got your attention did I? Tee hee...so, yeah, just when you think it can't get any worse, someone or something out there puts one more weight on your shoulders to see just how much a person can handle! Today was just any old day, I worked as usual, it was a chaotic day at work, but productive. I convinced my co-worker to do the Customs run for me today, so I could get into my 2nd job as quick as possible since this weekend is our GRAND OPENING SALE! U-92 did a radio remote broadcast, we had tons of give-aways, and tomorrow is going to be even bigger and better...SIDE NOTE...for those of you into video game we are having a huge raffle tomorrow to include a Wii and a 4-wheeler, some bed and breakfast giveaways and much much more...$1 a raffle ticket. Come over for the festivities, there will be cotton candy I think, and maybe even some face painting...just a regular old party! The raffle drawing is at about 5:00pm Play N-Trade West Valley (just west of Valley Fair Mall off the 35th (I think) south exit in the Starbucks and Toys R Us strip...

So back to the story...so I leave work, traveling toward the freeway on 12600 south and the traffic starts to slow. I brake, no big deal, we proceed through a light, when I realize that the truck in front of me is stopping very very fast, so I slam on my brakes with a "phew" knowing I will not even come close to hitting him when I glance into my rear view mirror and a Jeep Cherokee is coming in fast and close, I think, "phew" I think she is going to stop in time too...and then BANG BOOM CRASH, I fly forward into the truck in front of me, my sun roof goes flying open, my hat flies off my head (I kid you not) and a water bottle from the back seat comes flying past my right arm. Needless to say, i'm very stiff, I have the impression of a tow hitch in the front bumper of my car, my rear bumper is all jacked up and my hatch back door is dented all in. LAME! but lucky to be safe and not seriously hurt! The girl in the Jeep behind me had to be taken away in an ambulance and the kid in the little Ranger behind her got the crap beat out of him by his airbag. The F-250 that created the domino effect was munched to...so I feel pretty lucky!

After the adrenaline rush I had, I had to get to work, shakey and all I managed to kick ass giving away free shit to kids and parents alike.

But I am now off to get some Advil and Tylenol and hope to have a dream of some wonderful fantasy world!
Come see me tomorrow...I will hook you up! :)
Sleep well...
TTFN
Heid

Fully skinned Heidi in out and back in the closet

2008-04-27T22:11:00.004-06:00

So this blog may be one of the more difficult blogs i've ever written. Those of you out there that talk to me in person, please keep this blog to blog land...if you want to comment or e-mail me, I am all ears, but please keep it to a virtual platform. I appreciate it.

My life has been full of middle kid syndrome for my whole life. I am the peace maker, the comedian, the middle man, the one that tends to TRY to please everyone. BUT...that didn't always come with Heidi getting her needs met.

Well, the past few years I have been more focused on finding my own life path, and in that, pushing some of my NEED to please everyone else while putting myself and my feelings aside, and just really focusing on finding my own happiness and hoping that in turn it will bring others happiness around me. Wow...sorry, way bad run-on and on sentance.

Well, the past month or two, a few things, people, and experiences have brought old feelings, old issues, old Heidi to surface, AND...I am not very comfortable or pleased about it.

I have recently found a very special present that was given to me about 10 years ago, by my best friend at the time...a leather bound engraved poetry book...see I used to write A-LOT! After reading some of those poems again, I realized not only had I stuffed some of my old ways, I stuffed some of my old talents too. Some of the poems brought new life, some were silly and immature, but a few, a few were so real and pertinent to that moment, that I kinda gave myself an internal and external self lashing. It was difficult to read those words, and feel those feelings again. Different time, different circumstances, but completely relative and painful. The moment threw me into a tail spin of sorts and the past little while has caused me to have many many battles, within, as well as without. With people I love, with people I respect, and with myself. It's been a very difficult time in my life to say the least.

I have questioned my relationship, I have questioned my friendships, I have questioned my sanity, I have questioned my willingness to give and be given to, and I have especially questioned my selfishness vs having my needs met.

I am happy to say, that with past experiences in therapy, I have the tools I need to get through this time. I am making it very clear to those around me that I am not willing to do what it seems evident that I did before and that was just stuff that part of me but yet I need to learn how to co-exhist with this part of me. However I think this time is going to require patience with myself as well as patience from others.

I need to stay true to me...so that down the path, I wont look back with regret. I truly believe no matter what decisions you make in life, they should be made without regret!

I don't know what my near future will hold. I am working on my relationship, my friendships,
and especially myself.

I will try to keep you posted on my success...'cause I do know, with time and patience I will find success...whatever way that path leads.

TTFN
Heidi

Disappear with a trace

2008-04-19T17:45:00.002-06:00

So I have been a little out of time and energy for blog city these days. But today is a semi casual day that will allow me to take some time to spit out some of the thoughts i've had the last few months.

I no longer work in the cd store, they ended up closing the doors, guess you have to have a passion for your work and not always hope it's a money maker or else your business will fail...this is what happened to my boss...therefore, after 14 years, I am sad to say I no longer work in the music retail field.

I have moved on to be the assitant manager of a used and new video game store in West Valley. It's called Play-n-Trade. It's a blast...if your family has video game systems or even if they don't come see me and I will get you hooked up with the games of your choice without having to pay full "new" retail value.

My mom is done with radiation. She completed it with just a few complications. Because the radiation had to be shot through her throat it damaged her vocal cords, but all in all she's doing really well. Again! YEAH! May 10th is the Susan G Koman Race for the Cure here in SLC. We are planning to walk in it in recognition of my Mom, my Aunt, Patrice's Aunt and grandma. I am looking forward to it.

Softball started this past thursday. I am a little bitter about the fact that some of my old players opted to move on and start their own team...but we should have a good team. Patrice is really struggling with her knees right now, so she's hung up her softball shoes and I am now pitching on her behalf. That isn't my first choice of position, but I am proud to say that I had a few strike outs, I threw a runner out at first on a grounder, and I caught a fly ball too. Had we had a full team this week (we were short 2 for half the game) we would have won. But instead we lost by 1. If anyone is interested in coming out to watch...fans are always wanted and needed! :)

Last friday Patrice and I volunteered with Becky, Max, and Steph at the Gay Bingo. We helped raise money for our GLPU group. It was a lot of fun, and I forgot how good it feels to volunteer my time and energy for someone else.

Patrice and I have been talking to a general contractor about remodeling and adding onto her house to make it bigger and better. If all goes well, we'll keep my house to rent out once it's done, and finally after 2 years...live together. Talk about wanting to finally have that aspect of structure and consistency. I am looking forward to that!

I know it's not much...But since it's been awhile I wanted to say hi...and let you know I am alive and well.

I am going to go check on the rest of you...hope to find things all good!

TTFN
Heidi

The Callenge

2008-03-03T20:49:00.002-07:00

How Ironic...I received the tag by Ky

Rules:

1. Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more.

2. Open it to page 123.

3. Find the first 5 sentences and write them down.

4. Then invite 5 friends to do the same.

I grabbed the only book I could see (I am not a reader really...) and this is what I got. HOW AMAZING...

The Book: Eragon by Christopher Paolini
page 123 the first few sentences

The next morning Eragon avoided bringing to mind any of the recent events; they were too painful for him to consider.
(skipping a few, because it was more appropriate...)
When they were ready to leave he mounted Cadoc and said acidly, "If this keeps up, you're going to batter me to pieces."
"I wouldn't push you so hard if I didn't think you were strong enough"
"For once, I wouldn't mind being thought less of" muttered Eragon.

And I don't have 5 people that have already been impressed to do this...so just enjoy.
But if you read this and you haven't been tagged, feel so now! :)

My Mom

2008-03-03T16:33:00.011-07:00

My Mom...Patricia Penrod Jensen was born the only daughter to my grandparents Cloyd and Rhea Penrod. She's the baby, by 16 years to two older brothers. She married my dad, an Elvisly hunk army guy Mike about a million years ago, had three daughters (i'm the middle). She joined the National Guard when I was like 8 or so, and my favorite t-shirt in my closet was "My Mom Wears Combat Boots"! She was a stay at home mom for the most part through our lives even when she divorced my Dad and married my Step Dad and we moved to Idaho and lived in a single wide trailer on a pig farm and had such a little amount of money that we had to drink milk straight from the cow, and that was for sunday dinners...I SAY HAD TO...'cause honestly I would have rather had powdered milk and that was the other 6 days of the week. SICK TO BOTH! My mom and step dad moved to California to start a new life for us, leaving us kids and all their belongings in Utah with my Grandma and they headed out in their van and lived in truck stops and koa camps while they looked for a new life for us in Northern California. After many years of struggling and many moves through out California and Texas they have settled in Sacramento California. They were able to buy a home about 9ish years ago and seem to be settled until the west coast of the US falls into the ocean up to the Tetons, Jackson Hole, and Yellowstone so my mom can have the ocean view on one side and the Tetons on her other side. She also really loves Hawaii and we are taking the opportunity as a family to go for her and my Step Dad's 25th wedding anniversary this June. :)

I can't tell you how many years she's battled, I regret to say that I was semi estranged from my family for a few years in my life during my own struggles. But I do know that when March is over, she will have battled breast cancer 4 times. AND SURVIVED! She is in the process of radiation on metastasized breast cancer that has manifested itself in her C5 vertebrae bone marrow. Statistics (which I am really not cool with, I might add) say that only 20% of metastasized breast cancer victims survive, and this will be her second battle. She's battled through 2 types of breast cancer, a double mastectomy, major depression (due to a pain drug reaction with her last battle), radiation x4, chemotherapy x2 and that is just the cancer battle...I honesty consider my mom MY HERO! She's fought, laughed, cried, and best of all Survived!
She said to her eldest brother last week when she was here visiting..."it's a fight I may have to keep fighting, but I am not going to let it beat me"!

Every May she walks in the Susan G. Komen breast cancer walk on Mother's Day in Sacramento. I have been able to go twice, but need to take the opportunity to go every year with her to show her how proud I am of her!

I just wanted to publicly tell her that I love her and am thinking of her each morning at 9:00am when she is getting her radiation treatments, knowing it's one day closer to survival x 4.

Let me leave you with a couple of photos that make me smile. and a video if I can get it attached...When she came to visit me last week, we had some tears, a lot of laughs and a ton of fun playing the Wii! It'll be a memory I will keep with me forever! :)

Turn it up so you can hear us laugh.
Mom with her favorite Disney character Tigger.Mom with her favorite grand daughter Presley .
Mom laughing while playing Guitar Hero and getting boo'd off the stage for her second time. Patrice came down and got mad at us for laughing so loud while she was trying to get Tristan to sleep. HA HA HA

TTFN

Lot a bit o nutin honey!

2008-02-19T19:52:00.003-07:00

So I haven't really blogged lately, because I have felt I didn't have a whole lot to say...but then I realized that I don't really HAVE to say anything, I could ramble aimlessly if I want and really what can be done about it? NUTIN! So here goes...

This past weekend was spent...I honestly feel like nothing ever happens, but I am so tired and so warn out from go go go all the time that I can't possibly be doing nothing! RIGHT?

Friday night we were going to go swimming but not only did our invitees all pass, Treec and Trist were sick with the crap that is going around, so we opted to stay home and rest. We got a movie, I swear we did...what did we watch? Oh, I remember we watched a Benjamin Franklin dvd with Tristan and I fell asleep on the couch at like 9:00pm. Trist slept in...yep that means 7:30am, we got up and went down to play the Wii for awhile. Then Tristan got ready and went to the Monster Truck rally with his other motha and I went to work.

Found out saturday night that my part time job, the used CD/DVD store is going out of business...yep the boss pretty much tanked it and is filing bankruptcy and tossing his losses to the curb. Which means on the 29th of this month I will be part-time jobless. (I still have my "real" job-phew) Treec came over after Trist got home from the Monster Trucks and we picked through all the DVD's and Wii games and found $400.00 worth of stuff that we just couldn't live without. I can't even tell you how much money I have saved by buying used through my store vs buying new at the big box type retail establishments. Our dvd and cd collection is store worthy in and of itself. HA HA.

After work I ended up at Club Rendevous, a small little hole in the wall bar on the West Side for a friends b-day party. As I walked into the bar it was as if Norm just walked into Cheers..."HEIDI", came the cheer from deep in the smokey dark room. I couldn't tell at first who was hollering for me until I got further into the bar and I about got knocked off my feet with a drunken hug from my friend Tracy (who now runs the bar-but was enjoying some of her profits that night). 2nd words from her mouth were "would you be my golf partner this year", as if she had to get to me first! Talk about feeling good! :) I giggled and said "of course". I can hardly wait for the sun to shine for a couple of days in a row, melt this snow off the ground and give me a semi nice spring day so I can get my clubs out and go to the driving range and then onto the course! Honestly I think I am more excited to golf this year then play softball.
Anyway...I had a couple of drinks and mingled around to each of the friends and played catch up for awhile in between karaoke songs. Love me some karaoke! :)

Sunday I got up, picked up Treec and Trist and we went to Little America for sunday brunch. It's my fav! Tristan was in awe of the chocolate fountain and the fact that he could eat as many pcs of bacon as he wanted. He had to take a photo of the chocolate fountain so as he pulled out the camera people giggling fanned away to give him a good shot and then pointed at how cute he is. Sometimes I get so worked up about making him the best kid he can be, with the best manners and trying to teach him to respect things and others that I forget he's a kid and he's cute. I have to put myself into check at times...at least I can admit that after a year of co-parenting (step-parenting) really only part time parenting that I am still learning! I want to be better...I will be better.

We ended up going to Best Buy after brunch and finding two Wii games that we have been in search of for awhile now Star Wars Lego & Mario and Sonic Olympics (on the recommendation of Ky and Beck) so we went home and played Star Wars Lego for a few hours, watched Karate Kid (yes, circa 1984) cause Trist is totally into Karate movies right now and then we went to bed.

I had monday off so Trist stayed home with me and we cleaned my house in preparation for my Mommies visit. She will be here from Sacramento tomorrow. I am very excited to have her here. I am going to take thursday and friday off from work and just hang out with her. I told her to bring her heavy coat, she laughed and asked if she could borrow one when she gets here...it's not as cold in Sacramento as it is here I guess...ha ha ha. We are going to go to my cousin Chanel's ballet program at BYU on saturday. I haven't been able to actually see her perform so I am way excited. Trist is really excited too, he loves that kind of stuff...which is good for me because it challenges me to think outside my norm when it comes to going out to do things as a family. It's fun to see new things and experience more cultural things.

Anyway...so I guess that's it for today. Just wanted to catch you up on the last few days. Hope you all have a great rest of the week...I will check in and see what's happening in your lives over the next few days.

TTFN!

In-N-Out Spin Off & a BIG THANK YOU!

2008-02-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

So those of you that know me well, know that I am an In-N-Out Burger FAN-A-TIC! My favorite order Double Animal Style (double meat patties grilled in mustard with grilled onions and extra sauce slathered on two fresh daily buns), Fries w/a side of sauce (the thousand island type sauce they put on their burgers) and a half and half chocolate/vanilla shake. Oh man, I am drooling just thinking of it. It's known to my family, friends, and anyone else in my way, that the second I am in close proximity of one of these delectable establishments, move out the way, I gotta eat! :) I love me some In-N-Out. I get the new In-N-Out t-shirt each year for Christmas as they come out the week of Thanksgiving, my parents always go to lunch and grab me my favorite Christmas present of the year. :)

Well, I am happy to announce two wonderful bits of news...

1-The most special, we are getting an In-n-Out closer then ever before in Washington City (a newly developed community just outside St. George city limits) opening in May of this year 2008!
and the closer of the two announcements
2-We have an In-N-Out Spin off just down the road in American Fork. It's called Chadder's. I was given the schpeal about how "it tastes just like In-N-Out" and of course, my initial reaction was Pa-Shaw, nothing could compare. So I had to take my taste buds down to AF for the test! I pulled into the parking lot to find a building that is similar in stature to an In-N-Out building. It automatically gave you the feeling of being in the presence of great food...as you walk in, instead of being greeted with hospital like sanitized and shiney white and red tiled walls with red palm trees, there were semi polished white tiles with words like "burgers, shakes, fries" in red. Instead of the In-N-Out good ole soda jerk type white outfit clean and pressed with military uniform type precision with a red apron adorning the famous baby diaper type pin to hold it on the waist I was met with the lesser, dingier, unpressed with ketchup on the sleeve white soda jerk type outfit with a blue apron tied in the back to hold it on the waist. I was happy to see the menu was simple like the In-N-Out menu. However since I am again an In-N-Out connoisseur I wanted to test the "secret menu" I know of from In-N-Out. I was happy to find that even though the names of the items are different, they understood what I was after and quickly schooled me on their verbage and I continue with my order. After my typical wait that you might find waiting for perfection, I was anxiously waiting for my number to be called..."guest 39, your order is ready". I jumped with excitement as I realized I was about to partake in something even if it was just similar, that I hadn't partaken of in about about 4 months...I took the tray, asked for a side of sauce and even though I got a funny look, they gave it to me. See...let me give you the reason for the "side of sauce", In-N-Out (and most other places in this world) don't know what FRY SAUCE is. It's a Utah thing...so when you ask for Fry Sauce people go "Ketchup???" Well, I like me some fry sauce, so the closest thing is the Thousand Island type sauce that they put on their burgers, so I get a side of it...Chadder's has Fry Sauce. I didn't want that experience, I wanted an In-N-Out experience, so I got the side of sauce....Okay, so I sat down and took a fry dipped it, and put it in my mouth to my delight. It tasted EXACTLY like an In-N-Out fry. YUMM-O! Next my shake, I took a first sip, I was slightly less excited about that. Although good, smooth, and thick, it wasn't the same. But that is okay...I could be okay with that...Next was a bite of the Double with grilled onions (aka double animal style). It's not EXACT...but it's damn close enough for me!
So despite the differences I have to thank the heavens and stars above that it's aprox. 40 miles away in American Fork so I can't go each and every day for lunch, cause my LORD it was delicious!

I hope you all have a chance to experience this establishment. If anyone wants a burger buddy, I am free for lunch (or dinner, or late breakfast, or early midnight snack) ANYTIME!

And now for the BIG Thank you! I have a wonderful person in my life. One that I call FRIEND! She heard my cry for help in my last blog and was able to pull some favors and get me some of my much needed medical supplies. THANKS KYLA! Your amazing...but then you hear that alot don't you! Tee Hee...THANKS AGAIN...BUG FAT HUGS to your skinny ass! :)

Have a great day...and enjoy. TTFN!

So...a little of this, a little of that

2008-01-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

So I haven't really written a blog in awhile. I am not really sure why, I can't really say that there is any particular reason. I haven't felt myself lately...kinda unsettled. But can't really put my finger on anything specific.

When I got laid off from my corporate job last Jan I also lost my health insurance and so since my expensive Cobra went away I have been paying a ghastly amount of money to have insurance that doesn't have prescription co-pays and I have been trying to figure out how I am going to pay $400 a month for my insulin alone, not to include syringes, test strips, doctor visits for my diabetes alone. Then there is my sleep apnea and my way over due need for new masks and hoses for my machine. Does anyone want to commit insurance fraud and get me these things at your co-pay? Did I just say that on a public forum...yep! Normally I am quit the honest little one, but man could our country use GOOD public affordable health care! With over 45million uninsured American's you would think someone would take notice and help! I guess I would like to ask Hillary Clinton exactly what does "Universal Health Care" mean? Would it help people like me?

Anyway, tangent, the reason I brought this up is I have been thinking of looking for a new job. Honestly for the sole purpose of having health insurance as I don't have health insurance through my current job. I LOVE MY JOB...I mean, as job's go that is, but I really enjoy it, I enjoy the people I work with, and what I do is amazing. Searching for a new job makes me kinda nauseous! We'll see what comes as the days progress.

A few weekends ago Patrice and I went to see Suzanne Westenhoffer, a comedian, with K&B. What a great night, it was nice to go out, enjoy each others company, and just be entertained. We went for a beer at Squatters afterward with some other friends and caught up on their lives. It was just a nice night out. THANKS!

Last weekend was Tristan's weekend with the Ex. He goes one weekend a month with her as well as two nights a week. I can't say that schedule is the best one for all involved, but it is what it is right now and so I will try to keep my opinions to myself and just accept it for what it is. But I wanted to try to keep Patrice's mind off him not being with us so I decided to surprise her with an all night gambling adventure in Wendover. (For those of you that don't live in Utah...we can't gamble here, so we have to take either a 2 hour drive to the border of Utah and Nevada West which is Wendover or take a 5 hour drive to the border of Utah and Nevada Southish and go to Mesquite. Mesquite is more like a mini Vegas vs Wendover being like a mini armpit of the world Reno. Ha Ha. ) So I had to work friday night at the cd store, and got off at 9:30pm...told Treec to be ready to go and I picked her up and we headed out. We got to Wendover at about midnight Utah time (11 Nevada time) and went to the Peppermill to start our night of gambling. I found a penny slot machine that I started hitting big on and in about 5 hours we had gambled (winning and losing) and had over $160 of the $200 that we started with. We went back to the hotel for a little sleep eye at about 6:00am. Check out was 11:00 so we drug our not so 21 anymore butts out of bed and went to breakfast before our 2 hour drive back home. I had planned on sleeping the day away when we got home but Treec had different plans, so we went to Costco for the next 3 or so hours which mind you I always love to shop so it wasn't a bad plan! :) We went to her Grandma's for dinner and watched 3:10 to Yuma (which I promptly slept through) and then home to get a good night sleep before Tristan came home sunday afternoon. We had a lot of fun though...and reminded me that I am defiantly not even close to 21 and can stay up all night anymore!

So I have been watching the L-Word...I am not really sure how I feel about this season. It's kinda buggin. I have read a few of Karen's comments about her favs and I am happy to say different strokes for different folks. I very easily could be pretentious Bette's friend, I can't stand Jody, she is so obnoxiously bleck to me. Tina is slowly creeping back into being a fav again. I love that they are talking about doing the breast cancer walk and finally talked about Dana again. I so miss her...I love Alice, not really sure about her and Tasha being together but love Alice's devotion, she's someone I could totally hang with! When did Jenny become such a BEEYOTCH I mean, she's always been a bit of a freak, but come on, they totally ruined that story line which had the potential of being good! And then there is Shane. Some of you may be saying to yourself, come on, there is no one out there like that! They are few and far between but I happen to know someone who would like to think she is as "Shane" as she thinks she is. But she's pretty damn close. I just hope they can someday let her have some peace...Can Kit catch a break? I am kinda excited to see how she handles being robbed at gun point. My story isn't as dramatic, it was only knife point, but it's not an experience I would ever like to have happen again and still sometimes gets me right in the pit of my tummy when it's dark outside and I have no customers in the store. Kinda got the shivers just typing this.

Thought I would start posting new (or old) artists or movies that I feel noteworthy, thought it would help some of you musically challenged to have a bit of my favorite culture.

So the noteworthy artist's of this blog are Emerson Hart:Cigarettes and Gasoline
& Colbie Caillat:Coco (who has an uncanny resemblance to Jennifer Aniston who is on my list! YUMM-O :)
And my DVD pick for this blog is (and some say I have my own taste when it comes to movies) in the dawn of Heath Ledger's death :Monster Ball which Halle Berry won Best Actress for at the Academy Awards.

Hope you have a great night...until next blog TTFN.

Proud to call them friends!

2008-01-18T18:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.sltrib.com/Salt%20Lake%20Tribune%20Home%20Page/ci_8006593 \

I am not sure how to paste links on this thing...but I wanted to put it out there for any that want to go read this article.
I am proud to read such and article and wanted to publicly thank those involved in this article for putting your names and faces out there for ridicule and for praise.
I am proud to call you friends!

Meter...

2008-01-17T21:01:00.001-07:00

Saw this on Kori and La's blog (http://lovemytwins.blogspot.com/)...thought this was interesting!

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Our weekend

2008-01-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

So this weekend has been great! I wanted to share a few of the fun things we did...I don't have photos, so you'll have to let your mind visualize.

Friday night Tristan and Treec went to the (not so Monster) Monster Truck rally at the E Center. I stayed home and worked on putting my Christmas stuff away and watching friday night tv. Not such a fun night for me, but I got most of the holiday stuff put away.

Saturday morning I got up, did a few things around the house and then Treec and Trist picked me up and we went to lunch. We then headed to Target to let Tristan use his gift cards that he got for Christmas. He had a dream the other night that he had R2 D2 pj's and legos so he was heart set on spending his gift cards on an R2D2 lego set. OH MY...I really worried that that would be a difficult set to find...but thank goodness for Target. Right there on the shelf, a new Anikan (spelling?) and his jet with an R2D2 in the front flying right along with him. PHEW...he grabbed it off the shelf, I explained who Anikan is and we headed to the checkout stand with a new understanding of the pre Darth Vader and his flying buddy R2. "Oh wait...I need a new wallet Heid" Okay...so we headed to the boys section to find a wallet that would fit into those little pockets on those little jeans. There was the difficult task! Finally we ended up in the mens section and found one black leather wallet that has a chain hooked to the corner and a clip on the other end so he has this little silver chain hanging half way down his leg. IT'S SO AWESOME! I showed him how cool the chain was, and it's been hooked to ever pair of pants he's had on since...SO cute!
Then he went with the ex to his aunts b-day party for cake and ice cream, so Treec decided to take me to a movie that I had been wanting to see. Even though she had no idea what it was about, and thought it looked weird she took me to see Sweeny Todd. I wont ruin it for anyone, but her comment was "my stomach is sick from all the blood". I loved it! I am a musical geek...so I wont recommend it 'cause most aren't, but I LOVED IT!

We ended up sleeping at my house saturday night, so we picked Trist up and then come home and worked on his new Lego set. I love that he's 5 and putting together age 8+ lego sets by himself. Patrice or I would remind him to go step by step but all in all, he put the whole thing together! And it's a cool little flyer jet with Anikan and R2.

Sunday morning we got up and made breakfast, looking out the window we saw it starting to snow so we bundled up on the couch and watched Hairspray (again, with musicals! :) Trist likes em too!) Then Trist started to get antsy so I suggested getting out the 4wheeler and going to the big field behind Wal-Mart and pulling a tube behind the 4 wheeler. I didn't think it would be as great as it ended up, but OH MY HECK...I had such a great time. I was driving first and Treec and Trist were on the tube, they came whipping around the side of the 4-wheeler and Trist goes rolling off: FLASHBACK: when I was about 7 or 8 I remember my family went out with friends on snowmobiles and hooked tubes to the back. I remember going whipping around the side of the snowmobile and rolling off fell into a fire pit that my parents had built to keep us warm while we sat and ate lunch. Part of my coat melted, and I got really warm, really fast, but I didn't get hurt. BACK TO TODAY: I hit the brakes, and turned in fear knowing Trist was going to be laying there bawling for his mom...no, he'd jumped up, thumbs up as far as he could get them yelling "THAT WAS AWESOME! do it again!" I laughed, he jumped back on, and we kept going...what a great afternoon! We will definitely be doing that again next snow storm! :)

Dinner at Chili's with Treec's mom and now back home about ready to crash for the night.

WHAT A GREAT WEEKEND...Thanks Sweet...it was a blast!

TTFN...enjoy your week.

Update...

2008-01-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

So I wanted to give those of you that read and are wondering an update.

The ex was told that she couldn't sleep over, she threw a temper tantrum because she just isn't used to boundaries. Treec and I are working on us being on the same page so that we can sit down with the ex and set more concrete boundaries. We are working on us being a unified front, working as a family side by side with the ex as his other family. I hope it all works out for the best, because I do respect that the ex will be a part of Tristan life for as long as their relationship allows I just want to make sure it doesn't disrupt our life as a family along the way. I think with solid communication, and with the main focus being our love for Tristan and what is best for him, we will succeed. Keep your fingers crossed! :)

It seems like Christmas was so long ago...I am glad it's Jan...time for a new start, time to say out with the old, in with the new and make some positive life altering changes in my life so that I can continue on my journey toward happiness.

New Years Eve was spent with good friends, I have a few photos but they are on the camera at home so I will have to update the blog with those later. We had a delicious prime rib dinner, garlic mashed potatoes, salad, stuffed mushrooms, cheese ball and crackers, rolls, green bean casserole. IT WAS AMAZING...thanks again for all those who participated! Then we played Guitar Hero all night until it was about midnight, when we ran outside banging pots and pans cheering Happy New Year. What a great night...thanks again!

Guess that's it for now...TTFN

(I will be in Hawaii in 6 months)

Re-title: Passing judgement without intending to! It's not usually in my make-up but it's hard not to!

2007-12-20T17:45:00.000-07:00

I am a little hesitant to post this, for a few reasons. The big #1-I don't want anyone, even myself, to pass judgment on Patrice. I know some of you have been in her shoes, I am sure some of you have been in the shoes of (in my opinion) the problem, and I am sure some of you can't relate at all...but I just want to be able to vent this and then try to move on!

Patrice has an ex girlfriend, of 12 years. At year 8 Patrice decided to have a child. You either know him, or know about him, Tristan. He is now 5, Patrice and I have been together for 14 months now.

Even though Patrice was really the only parent during Tristan's first 4 years of life, after the ex left, Patrice felt it was in Tristan's best interest to grant some "visitation" so they could continue to build and nurture a relationship.

In the past 14 months, I have grown to love Tristan as my own. I take pride in his accomplishments, when he cries with true emotion about pain that he feels in his heart, I feel bad with him. I am excited to hear about his day, and when I have to miss out on a day without seeing him I miss him. I want him to grown, and learn, and be able to make mistakes so he knows right from wrong. I enjoy teaching him the little lessons in life. And I even enjoy challenging him to teach him to stand up for what he wants and believes in. This one is a hard one at times...I will give you an example...
Tristan as you saw a few blogs back, loves to get his toe-nails painted. He thinks it feels good, he loves the colors, he just plain likes it! The Ex is some what of a "chauvinist" and feels that girls have roles and boys have roles and they shouldn't deviate from those roles. Which is ironic because she acted like a male chauvinist pig while dating Patrice, but that is an entirely different blog in and of itself. Anyway...she took on the attitude of "no son of mine will wear pink or paint his toenails". Until Patrice let her know that he likes it and don't tease him about it. Well, he started karate about a month ago, and has to take his shoes and socks off during class. He freaked out because he didn't want anyone to "tease" him about his toe nails. This grated on my nerves, so I decided to give him an analogy (FYI analogies and 5 years olds work well-I know, your shocked!).
Me:"Bud, you know how you hate Pepperoni Pizza, you only like Cheese pizza...what if I told you that because I like pepperoni, that you are dumb for liking cheese and you can't have cheese pizza anymore, you can only have pepperoni?"
Tristan: "I'm not dumb, I don't like pepperoni, I like cheese, and I will eat it"
Me:"That is exactly what I wanted you to say buddy, and now when people tell you your dumb 'cause your toe nails are painted, what will you say?"
Tristan:"I will tell them they are dumb!"

Well, not the exact answer I wanted out of him, so we continued talking, and got him to the point that he was okay with his decission to get his pedi and things were fine for a few weeks.
Fast forward to a week that the Ex took him for the Thanksgiving holiday to her families. Shoes come off, there go socks, and even though I wasn't there, got the visual that her eyes widened and Tristan let us know that she peeled off the toe nail polish with her fingernails "SO HE WASN'T EMBARRASED IN FRONT OF HIS COUSINS AND UNCLES!" I am just a little irritated.

Anyway...in my opinion, and that is all that matters right? I am a damn good "step-mom" per say and feel like I always have Tristan's best interest in mind. And a lot of times I feel that the Ex doesn't. And that frustrates me!

Christmas is coming...I am so excited. Patrice and I have done some pretty special things for Trist, some of which are material, some of which are from the heart. We know he will enjoy the magic of such a special time of year!

The ex, although she doesn't have a full 50/50 custody split with Patrice has been given her alloted one weekend a month this coming weekend. She will take him friday morning until monday (Christmas Eve) at 3:00pm. Her normal weekend times are from friday at 5:00pm to sunday at 5:00pm. So she is getting an extra 31.5 hours more then she normally gets. She is taking him to Idaho for her family Christmas party and we felt that not only does he deserve to go, but it was a nice gesture to allow her to have a little extra time to enjoy the holidays with him.

HERE COMES MY BIG FRUSTRATION!

Patrice offered to let Ex come to our house Christmas morning with her Santa presents to get to watch Trist open Santa presents. Slight irritation, but I can understand why, so I go along with it. Ex throws a fit about having to come in the morning (she doesn't want to have to get up that early) and demands to get to sleep over night to "help set up Santa (which mind you we have ours, she has hers...so I don't want her help setting up my Santa stuff), and get to be there if he wakes up early, oh, and Tristan really wants her to sleep over" BULLSHIT! She just wants to 1-not have to get us so early to drive up, 2-irritate me, 'cause whenever she comes to Patrice's house she struts around the house like it's hers ('cause it was for 12 years) and 3-we wont even be home Christmas Eve night, we are going to Patrice's mom's for Christmas Eve dinner and presents and by the time we get home he will be asleep...SO...there is really no valid or good reason for her to stay over that has anything to do with Tristan, only selfish immature reasons that are just 'causing me grief!

As for the whole Tristan wants her to stay over, there was a night we were getting out all the Christmas decorations and the stockings got pulled out, I had purchased three new stocking holders last year, Tristan put up his stocking, my stocking, and Patrice's stocking. I said "what do you want to do with this one?" making reference to the Ex's stocking. Tristan says "she doesn't live here anymore, she can have it at her house". "PERFECT", I thought! I wont have to tell him, he already knows! But then the day after he had gone to spend time with her, he was dead set on her sleeping over and having her stocking there "'cause she will be sad if she can't sleep over". I WAS INFURIATED! Are you seriously manipulating a 5 year old to be able to get that leverage back in? Are you seriously focused on what's in Tristan's best interest? I think not! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Well, the past week Patrice and I have been on edge. She hasn't given a definitive answer as to whether the Ex can sleep over and so I finally had to sit down and decide what's best for Heidi. It's been one of the hardest decisions I have had to make yet in our relationship...

After my ex left me, I was in therapy. I had to learn (and it was a very hard lesson to learn and I am still learning) that my life needed to be filled with me finding happiness. In my past, my happiness stemmed from pleasing others and making others happy. When those others had been fulfilled they moved on, and I was left lacking. I had to learn what it meant to find happiness even though it may be what I want and may go against what others want. I want to please Patrice, I want to make her happy, but I also know that I need to be happy too, and if something doesn't make me happy, and goes against what I believe in, I have to remove myself from the situation. THAT IS SO HARD!

So I told Patrice, for me, if the Ex is sleeping over, then I will just stay at my house, they can have Santa Christmas morning and then when the Ex leaves, I will come over and we can enjoy the rest of the day as a family. Because for me Christmas is about spending time with the people I love and I don't see any reason for me to put myself in a situation that is uncomfortable and just plain wrong to me. There is no reason in my mind that she has to sleep over night, and I also feel we are being overly gracious for allowing her to come and intrude on our Christmas morning after she is already getting him for an extra 31.5hours of our time during the weekend anyway!

So I have no idea what Patrice will decide. She feels like she is in the middle, in my opinion there shouldn't be a middle to be in. Is it really in Tristan's best interest to have chaos, turmoil, animosity, frustration, irritation looming in the house? I don't think so. And if I can be so selfish...CAN'T SHE SIDE WITH ME? Why can't it be about what we as a family want, screw her EX! Okay, I will try not to be selfish anymore...TRY, I said TRY!

I don't know, I am just so frustrated I want to tell her to go jump in the lake, but I also keep my mouth shut to keep the peace. I just feel that it's time the three of us sit down and decide what boundaries and what rules need to be in place because we all want what is best for Tristan, but the way things are going it's become more about grandstanding, or "one-uping" each other, seeing who can win, seeing who can be the better Disneyland parent and all this is just going to negatively impact Tristan and that is what I don't want to see.

The Ex feels I have no right to have an input. I feel I have more right then her, she is the one that left! I am here participating right now, she is just being his "buddy". It's not the greatest to have to be the disciplinarian...but I keep remind Patrice that even though the Ex gets to always have him for play time and we have him for not only play time, but learning time, and bath time, and sleeping time, and time out time, and grounding time, and breaking his arm time, and all the other times, he will grown and age and have far more respect for Patrice and I because we took the time to actually raise him to be a good upstanding member of society where as she was just there to buy him anything he wants and buddy around with him and buy his happiness!

BLAH! I am just so emotional about this all...it's really hard to be in my shoes, but I know it's hard to be in the shoes of the ex and of Patrice too...I just don't know all the answers, even though sometimes I claim to! :)

I guess that is it for now...don't really know what to do next.

Our 12 Days of Christmas the past 7 days (add tunage where appropriate)

2007-12-12T17:12:00.000-07:00

First let me say that I know, I know, it's Wednesday a week after we left and I haven't blogged yet. Once you read, you'll hopefully understand! Here we go....(go go go, in the sound of Peter Pan flying off to Neverland!) Tristan's old favorite ride...

Now his favorite ride is Space Mt. What an awesome kid! :)

12 Character Photos:
We got photos of Tristan with the following characters: Mickey, Minnie, Winnie the Pooh, Tigger Too, Eyeore, Chip & Dale, Stitch, Darth Vader, Darth Mall, Jedi Knights, Donald Duck, ...most of the time people were orderly and nice and it allowed us to get photos with each character with our boy alone...so that was nicer then I remember as a kid when it was a free for all! Here's a few:

11 Family Members Smiling: Mom, Dad, Gidget, Mike, Penny, Billy, Presley, Timmy, Patrice, Tristan, and I all together for Christmas at Disneyland! Couldn't help but smile! Mom on the bumper cars...what a hoot
My nephew Timmy pulling my little sister Penny into a fountain of water...we all laughed pretty hard!
10 Steps to the front gate:
Our hotel was directly across the street from the main entrance to Disneyland, California Adventure, and Downtown Disney. That made for easy access to running back across the street to change when we got soaked (see 4). And it also made it easier when Tristan had fallen asleep on the walk back to the hotel and we had to carry him the rest of the way!

9 pins a tradin:
We got into pin trading, something that I never thought I would get into. We were able to find some pretty neat pins, and learned that Disneyland workers are required to trade with you no matter what they have, so we were able to get some pins with "hidden Mickey's" I guess these are rare. I have the whole set of "Hitch hiking ghosts with hidden Mickey's" woo hoo!

8 Live Reindeer:
Santa and Mrs. Claus brought their 8 reindeer down South to come to be in the parade at Disneyland and to get their photo taken with us...what a special day!

6 Hundred Mile airplane ride (aprox. give or take):
This was Tristans first airplane ride. And he loved it. He thought it was really neat that he could see the lights down below as we flew over cities. And he especially like looking at the Sky Mall magazine and picking all the neat things he wanted and getting a soda from flight attendant.

5 Points on the Star:

4 Rapid Riders Soaked:
Even though it was about to rain, my dad, Patrice, Tristan and I decided to go on the Grizzly Roaring Rapids. WE GOT SOAKED! Thank goodness we only had to run across the street to change, not that it matter 'cause when we got changed the rain finally came down and we got a little wet from the rain. But it only lasted about an hour and then the rest of the evening was clear again...but cold! :)

3 Build-a-Bear's a building:
We each built a bear at Downtown Disney, mine is named Disney, he has Mickey Mouse ears, gloves, and a Disneyland t-shirt. Patrice's is named Raider, he has an Oakland Raiders football uniform on. And Tristan's bears name keeps changing, but the newest is Snow Bear and he is dressed in a hoodie and snowboard pants and has boots and a snowboard. They are all way cute!

2 different Mickey's:
Me and Trist with "it's your favorite Mouse Heid's".

And a visit to the Emergency Room:
I had a slight accident...okay, so we were at this Pirate Dinner Show. The seating was tiered and I was able to completely miss a 1 foot high step off, smacking my head against a metal hand rail and landing square on both knees. I went into shock and had a slight concussion. I had to have a CT scan of my head, and multiple x-rays of my left knee. I came out of it with a bruise patella a couple of nice bruises, and likely a huge bill, but no broken bones, and I think my brain although wracked a little is just fine (that is up to you all to determine! ha ha)

What a great trip! Can't wait to do it all again...well, maybe not the ER part! :) Hope you enjoyed.

TTFN

Only 3 More Wake-ups

2007-12-02T18:10:00.000-07:00

I can hardly wait until Wednesday at noon when I get off of work to go home, grab our bags, pick up Tristan from school and head for the airport. This will be Tristan's first airplane ride, and I guess in a sneaky little "step-momish" kinda way I am glad it's with me and his mom, not his otha motha. HA HA HA. Oh, was that my outside voice? We went to Disneyland in October of 2006, when Patrice and I were near the beginning of our relationship. Tristan wasn't tall enough to ride many of the rides, and it was a one day trip of chaos...this year, he is tall enough for most of the rides, and he knows my family well enough to go ride with them for a bit so Patrice and I can ride some of the rides that Tristan might not want to go on, like the Haunted Mansion and Tower of Terror. Oh, my, I can hardly wait! I am not sure you are getting the excitment in my voice as I type these words. I think I am more excited to go again then Tristan and Patrice who have only been once in their lives. This is like my million and oneth time. I know that's not really a word, but i'm using it! :) Anyway, i'm excited.

For my birthday, Patrice and Tristan bought me a gift certificate to get a pedicure. I have never had a pedicure before, so I was a little hesitant to go, but Patrice and Tristan both said they would do it with me...we picked up Patrice's mom, who never does anything like this and we all went to get our pedi! The girls thought Trist was so adorable that he wanted his feet massaged, and then when he picked green and red polish and a snowman for his big toe, the Chinese started a flowing. I am not sure what exactly they said, but with the smiles and the looking back and forth at Tristan and each other, I know they were thinking he was so cute and they worked extra hard to make his experience great. I think it was great for him, but kinda lame for me cause they were more into how cute he was then paying attention to massaging my feet and making my toes look pretty. HA HA HA. Just kidding...here are a few photos of our experience and the finished product. Guess whose toes are whose!

Oh yeah, and we decorated Tree and Tristan's living room for Christmas...they have a fake tree (bleck) so we decorated now for them and we'll decorate my house with a real tree when we get home next weekend.

Have a great few days...I may not be back until after our trip so if not, have a great week and I will fill you in on Cali and Disneyland when we get back!

TTFN (Ta Ta For Now-circa Tiger from Whinnie -the- Pooh in case some of you didn't know)

Saturday Fun with the girls

2007-11-28T22:38:00.001-07:00

So saturday the 24th of November was a day of fun! Wanted to share some of the fun photos...

Kyla and Beck gave me a very awesome birthday present. Ky, Me, John (Beck's Brother) and Beck's dad went to Provo (or as we know it here in Utah...Happy Valley) to go to Lavell Edwards Stadium (or us oldens know as Cougar Stadium) to cheer for our beloved Utes in the UofU vs BYU rivalry game. The Utes finally found a 10-9 lead with 1:40 left to go in the game. After a few questionable calls and a typical hail marry type reception for BYU, they got a touchdown with 40 seconds to go. The Utes couldn't come back and BYU won. It was a fun fun day none the less.

We then met up with our girlfriends at Becky and Kyla's house and as you can see, we got cumfy and played a little of the neighbors guitar hero! I can't wait for Christmas! I am hoping Santa will bring me Guitar Hero...it's on my list, and I have been a very good girl! :)

Turkey Day and my birthday was great. Dinner went off without a hitch, and it was delicious.

Patrice and I got up at 3:40am and went shopping on Black Friday! It was 100% successful! I would do it again, even having to stand outside target for a full hour to get in and get what we went for! We had a blast! Even not having Tristan with us the whole weekend ('cause he went with his otha motha for their annual Thanksgiving celebration) we had a great weekend!

We leave for Disneyland in 7 days! I CAN HARDLY WAIT!

Hope your day is great...TTFN!

Couple of thoughts!

2007-11-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

So today is the day we honor the Veteran's of the past wars and salute our soldiers for the hard work and dedication they have to fight for the freedoms that we have living here in America. I want to give a shout out specifically to a few people that make that a bit more personal and immediate for me. My Dad: National Guard Airborne (Green Beret), who has been to places that he still can't talk about or he'll be court marshaled. My Step-Dad: Retired National Guard Engineer Sargent Major who has seen many of his guys come back from the Gulf War(during the 80's), the 2nd Gulf War (1990-1991) and this most recent STUPID war the "War on Terror" in body bags. My Dad's uncle who lost his hand at Pearl Harbor while he was serving on a submarine off the Hawaiian Islands. My Mom's brother Ron who served in the Navy. Becky's brother that is a Black Hawk Pilot in the Marines. And last but certainly not least my little nephew Timmy(see photo)
who joined the Navy 333 days ago today. I am very proud of him, he's been #1 in his class and even though he missed being able to go to Navy Seal school by 1 pull up (I think, or sit up) he's going to be a sonar tech on Submarines. Tristan calls him Popeye and he wears a Navy hat that Timmy gave him just before he left, all the time. In fact friday we went to Walmart, and there was a veteran sitting out front collecting money in a can. Tristan took some change to give to the man and as the man said thank you and handed Tristan a little flag as his token of appreciation he tapped Tristan's hat and said I wore one of those hats, I was in the Navy when I served. And Tristan goes, he's like Popeye too Heidi. It was so cute. Last night as we were headed to the Turkey Dinner at the Center for the GLPU November get together, we saw a few "soldiers". Tristan goes, "Look it's soldiers". And I said, yep, like Timmy. Well, let me back up a minute...Tristan has seen my step dad in his uniform, 'cause he still works for the military even though he is retired, and he calls him a soldier. He has yet to see Timmy in his uniform, so I'm not sure he understand the concept of the different uniforms yet. Anyway, so he goes "NO Heid, not like Timmy, like your Dad"! "Soldiers carry guns." This kinda baffled me, because #1 my dad doesn't carry a gun, nor would he if he ever went to war, 'cause he was an engineer, they build things. But where did he get that idea? So I said "not all soldiers carry guns, some are doctors, some build bridges like my step dad, some jump out of airplanes with parachutes like my dad (knowing full well he did carry a gun, but not mentioning that to Trist) and then there are those that carry guns". His response...? "Yeah I know, (with a little shrug) only some carry guns, the others have Tanks!" Patrice laughed out loud and goes, sounds like your step dad is "under armed then!" He needs a tank! :) Oh, kids...how cute they are, shaking my head. :)

THANKS TO THOSE THAT SERVE AND HAVE SERVED! AND FOR THEIR HUSBANDS, WIVES, MOTHERS, FATHERS, AND KIDS AT HOME WHO PRAY FOR THEIR SAFETY EACH AND EVERY DAY! HERE'S TO YOU - WITH A RAISED GLASS OF CHEERS.

My birthday is in 10 days, oh yeah, and so is my favorite holiday! THANKSGIVING! I am really looking forward to it. In fact the thing I am most looking forward to (but still not trying to have to many expectations) is that someone (my fishin buddy) actually is putting forth effort to make my birthday special. I have never had that in the past. I have pretty much always had to spell it out with big bold letters as to what I wanted and how I wanted it and it still got all f'd up. So it's hard for me to just let it be without wanting to dictate how and what and when and where, but I am really holding back the reigns on myself to let her take control of making me happy! It's a bit exhilarating to say the least. We'll see how it all turns out.

Did I tell you I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner at my house this year. Yep, Tree's family is all coming to my house and I am taking on the role of my mom and am going to prepare my families traditions (well, some of them...I can't compare to my mom quite yet...she's the master of Thanksgiving dinner at her house, I am not quite there yet oh Obi-wan). I am really excited about it though. I love making people happy, and as you can tell by my size and weight, in my family happiness is surrounded with FOOD. And I love me some food! :)

Wish me luck with my lifestyle changes, eating healthier and better size proportions, and staying on my gym schedule over the next few weeks.

Guess I will go for now...Hope you have a great couple of days...

AND last but not least, Karen is a Disneyland hater! I can't even tell you how sad that makes me for her soul!

TTFN

Not sure...but

2007-11-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

so Karen (http://roleplayingwithkids.blogspot.com) tagged me, and I am not 100% sure what that means, but I think I am supposed to put down 6 random things about me that you may not know.

So here goes...

#1 I love to bake. It makes me happy and makes those eating my special treats happy too!
#2 I am horribly afraid of little people. Not as much with midgets and dwarfs although they scare me too, but mostly the shrinky dink type people. The ones that are fully proportionate but small.
#3 I get home sick...I don't know what that means, because I have never felt like I have had a home. My family moved a lot during my growing up years (not that I am grown up...see #4) my parents were in the military and my mom and dad divorce when I was 12...so we moved A LOT. For example, I lived in 3 states between my 9th and 10th grade years. I went to 4 different high schools during my 4 years of high school. I guess more, I miss my family, since most of them are in California.
#4 I am typically a 12 year old boy, in my humor, mostly. I love cartoons, and am very glad that Tristan loves them as much as I do. Disneyland is my favorite place on earth!
#5 My favorite food is Tator Tot Casserole and my least favorite is Celery, Sour Dough Bread, and Clam Chowder. BLECK!
#6 My favorite band is Depeche Mode...although I know a lot of music from a lot of artists. I would ROCK on Don't Foret The Lyrics (a karaoke game show on tv).

There ya go...hope it wasn't too boring!

TTFN

Been a Day or so

2007-11-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

Sitting at home, baking pies for the GLPU Thanksgiving dinner, and thought i'd say hi...

Yesterday was Alyssa's b-day party. The Tumble Bus was there and Tristan had a blast in it.

Last night Patrice had a jewelry party where a bunch of our friends came to hang out. Thanks to those of you who purchased...we hope you love your new jewelry!

Then we decided to let Trist go to his grandmas and we went out on the town with a few friends. It was nice to dance with my girl and enjoy the company of friends as they came out of their shells. :)

I would have photos...but WE'VE LOST OUR CAMERA! The last time we remember having it was at Sky High, last saturday evening...if anyone that was there happened to remember seeing it, or maybe picked it up...
I called Sky High yesterday and they said they would check and call me back. I haven't heard back from them yet.

The weather outside is frightfull. The clouds are hanging low and it looks like it might snow. I like snow, when I don't have to go anywhere, when I can play in it, and then get all cozy and warm by a fire with some hot cocoa. But then I want it to melt and be 72-78 degrees again. I am so not a winter person! :)

Well, guess I will got get showered and get ready for the day.

TTFN

Dracula photos

2007-10-28T16:25:00.000-06:00

I can't even tell you how strange the kid looks with black hair. I didn't even recognize him when they came to pick me up.

Guess that's what Halloween is all about! :)

Tristan as Dracula Halloween 2007

Holy Crap

2007-10-28T14:34:00.000-06:00

A week...a week has gone by and I haven't even written at all! WOW...we had a pretty busy week. Mon night I worked, tues we went to the punkin patch with a few friends, it was cold, and I was being an ass (sorry honey), and by the end of the night I was riding on a teeter totter with Becky and couldn't help but laugh out loud, you know one of those -from the depths of your tummy- type laughs. It was so fun. Thanks for a great night!

Wednesday was a date with Treec-we went to dinner at Applebee's and I even stuck to my diet. Had roasted garlic chicken with asiago cheese and steamed vegetables. WHO AM I??? Ha ha. (update, still no soda pop and have been really good about my food portions. I even have turned down sweets, and was totally okay with it. I worked out 5 out of 7 days this week and am going to be even better this week!) Then we went to a play at Hale Center theatre, it was called Once Upon an Island. WOW...I was completely effected by it, I have never felt an attraction to someone from a different race before, but I could not keep my eyes off this "brown girl" (as my brown friend Summer says) who had the most amazing voice. Every time a song or scene got over I swear I was jumping out of my seat with the loudest clap and "whoot-woot's". It was so awesome. Thursday Tristan had another bloody nose, poor guy, so we went to the doctor to make sure he's not developing hemophelia, which he's not...but we were given some good nose pinching techniques to help stop the bleeding so it's not gushing for 20 minutes like normal. Then friday Trist went to his other mothers and Treec and I settled in for a weekend of just the two of us! WHAT AN AMAZINGLY GREAT WEEKEND WE HAVE HAD. Friday night I went to dinner with a friend that I haven't seen since way before her baby was born and he's now 7 months old, it was a couple of hours of catching up and playing goo with a baby. Then I went over to Ky and Becks to hang with Ky, Becky was going to a friends party and Tree was at a party for her work girls. It was fun to hang out with Ky (even though come to think of it we didn't even get to spend time just her and I...hmmm, we gotta work on that). We sang some karaoke, talked, and encouraged each other with comments of self doubt and frustration. Thanks Ky for being such a great friend and for always being honest and open with me, and I hope that my honesty never comes across as judgement. Your in my heart friend! Saturday Treec and I slept in for the first time I think since we have been together. We finally got out of bed at noon and went downtown to Lambs for breakfast...ended up getting lunch and then walking around downtown a bit. We went and picked up my Vespa from getting fixed and then stopped at a cool store and did a bit of shopping. Love me some shopping! :) Saturday night was our annual "Scarey Movie Night" at friends Heather and Shelly's. We eat soup bowls and appetizers and watch a scarey movie or two. This year we watched Saw 3. So fun...we got home at midnight or after and I decided in the back of my mind that I love that Treec didn't go home after dropping me off. I really want to live together! I got up this morning and took my little brother to the airport for his 3 weeks of work in Minnesota, came back to my sleeping girl with a Grande Sugar Free Skinny Carmel Machiatto from Starbucks and the paper, where we layed in bed and paroozed the Toys R Us Big Book for Christmas ideas, and then I read the sports page while she enjoyed her coffee! It was one of the most amazing mornings of our relationship! I am so in love with my pretty girl I can hardly contain how I feel inside. SORRY ...kinda got all mush on ya...bleck. :) I am now at work until 5:00pm. Two more hours, but after a morning like this morning I can't complain about anything. Oh and Treec just called me a little bit ago and said there is a guy going to look at her house this afternoon! Again...keep your fingers crossed, i'm just excited that people are looking at it. I am trying not to get my hopes up but I can't help it, I really want to take the next step!!!

Okay I think I have puked you all out about now...so I will leave it with this...

I HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE!

oh and one more thing I have this new fascination with asking Jack who his favorite auntie is and ever time he says Heid...it's so cute...just a cute little photo of the cutest Jackson and his favorite auntie! :)I know I shouldn't say that, 'cause he has lots of aunties that love him, but i'm still his favorite! HA HA HA

TTFN

So I'm A Slacker

2007-10-22T19:34:00.000-06:00

So I am a total slacker...I haven't posted the photos from the Halloween party, nor did we even get the camera out at the softball tournament in St. George this past weekend. BUT...I promise to get better.

Life is about to settle down a little bit! WOO HOO. Softball is over for the year, we have a long 5-6 months of yucky winter to get fat and lazy in and I determined this year not to do it! So with the encouragement of my fishin buddy and my two greatest friends...I am working on drinking protein shakes twice a day, eating healthier and smaller portions, and working out each morning at 6:00am to get my day going! I have a goal of dropping 3 pant sizes and at least 2 shirt sizes in 9 months. I want to look back in 10 months at our Hawaii photos and enjoy seeing myself in photos...so that is the goal, and I am going to stick to it! I am excited about it, and although it's been tough this past week, I have been one full week without "soda-pop" and that is huge! :)

The softball weekend was fun...we went to St. George. The weather was great, and we missed the snow fall that was had in SLC and Utah County while we were gone! PHEW. We took 3rd in the lower division, which was the greatest ranking we have had this season, but by the time we hit that last game our team due to some of our players not being able to make it at the last minute was on the edge of "done" anyway. All in all it was fun, and like I said the weather was great. We were able to swim and shop and eat and play. How can that be a bad weekend?

We got one text this weekend from our Realtor that another Realtor wanted to show Patrice's house. That was our first call...keep the good thoughts flowing...I would love to sell prior to the end of the year! HOW AMAZING THAT WOULD BE! :)

We started Christmas shopping the past couple of weeks. Gotta spread it out over the next few months. We are all very excited about the holiday season. And mostly about our Disneyland trip the first week of December! I can hardly wait to have Tristan and Patrice experience Christmas time at Disneyland.

Well, better go read some of your blogs to catch up...

May have more to say later...

TTFN

Wendover 2007

2007-10-14T12:58:00.000-06:00

The kids and me in the hotel room about to watch Transformers while the mommies are at the concert.
Alyssa, Ky, Beck, and Jackson at breakfast
Tristan me and Tree-c at breakfast
Concert tickets and room key
Tristan the day after during his nap...he was so tired he slept hard!
Beck and Ky on the drive to Wendover

Wynnona Judd Concert Wendover 2007
Tree-c, Beck, and Ky prior to the Wynnona Concert
Braving the cold in the hot tub

Well, it's sunday, i'm sitting her watching the Green Bay Packers playin some football and thought I would download some of the photos from the weekend. We went to Wendover friday night with Ky, Beck and family. The mommies all went to the Wynnona Judd concert while Heidi and the kids stayed in the room and watched Transformers on pay-per view! WOO HOO.

When we first got there we had just enough time to go down to gorge ourselves on the seafood buffet at Montego Bay. I think we all felt like we got our moneys worth...then we went back to the room where the girls got ready to be hot for Wynnona and me and the kids got our sleeping stuff all set up and in our jammies. When the mommies got back to the room the kids were all asleep so Ky, Beck, and I went down to the casino floor for a little 21 and slots. I made myself give Tree-c my wallet and only took down $40 (THANK GAWD!) cause after a few ours of play and entertainment my $40 was gone and I was digging in my pockets for any spare money that just may have appeared. Ky had a few tequila shots and was dancing and threatening spankings to the dealers if they didn't start dealing her better hands...which they promptly replied favorably and she started handing me chips which ended up adding up to about $100. When she lost all her money, with pouty lip in tow we went back up to the room to sleep off the tequila. She woke up sad to know she lost everything, and was SUPER happy when I handed her $100 in chips. The kids were cheering for the pool...as we went down to find out it was an outdoor pool, and the pool even though heated was still chilly, they jumped into the hot tub for about 15 minutes. We went back up to the room, got dressed and went down to the breakfast buffet. I don't think any of us felt satisfied with breakfast, but we ate it anyway. Sadly the mini vacation was over and so we packed up and headed back to SLC. When we got home Tristan was so exhausted he took a couple hour nap and then we got up and went to a friends to play poker. I think I got my fair share of gambling out this weekend...but boy was it fun!

We are getting ready now to go to the GLPU Halloween activity. Tristan is very excited to be Dracula. PHOTOS TO FOLLOW!

TTFN (Go Packers!)

Feel so out of touch!

2007-10-11T19:04:00.001-06:00

So we go away to California for the long weekend and I feel so out of touch. My thoughts are dwelling a bit on others tonight...Mer and Summer and their tragedy. I have no idea how that would feel, or how I would handle the same events in my life. Beck and Ky and their wonderful anniversary weekend in San Fran. Kori and LaLa running a marathon, someday I think I might make it a goal to write that on my list of things I want to accomplish in my lifetime (ha, ha). Karen having a total meltdown and maybe popping a few too many little pink pills that she would play dress up (and still fit) in her high school dance outfits. (and her comment about dating the high school basketball player...funny that I just saw a basketball photo of that same person the other night as Tree-c and I were cleaning out some stuff in her den-because they played on the same team) It's as if our weekend was so long ago!

We went to Sacramento, to my mom and step-dad's. 10 hour drive, with a 5 year old, who actually did amazing! I was really proud of him all weekend, we had some fun experiences. This is the 3rd time he's seen my parents, and feel naturally into calling them Grandma and Grandpa. When we got to my little sisters house, he found it so comfortable that he told me and Patrice to go to dinner without him, he "wanted to stay with Penny" who was also going to dinner with us, but he didn't want that! :) My little niece will be 1 Oct 21st, her first b-day party was sunday the 7th so that both me and my older sister could make it to the party. It was a lot of fun to spend time with them, but as always the weekend was way to short, but just a teaser to get us really excited for our family Disneyland trip in Dec! :) YEAH!

In 8 short weeks from today we will be in Disneyland! "I CAN'T STAND IT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND" in Tristan's words! :) We decided that flying would be a better option this trip, so we purchased our tickets yesterday and bagged taking 3 extra days off work and trying to book hotels in Vegas for each end of the trip to help split up the drive time. It'll be more like a fun, relaxing vacation! I can hardly wait!

Tomorrow is Wendover! And then next friday we leave for St. George for our last softball of the season. We are really excited for both events.

I got called to jury duty, I was so freakin excited, I have had to call each day this week at 5:00pm to get my next days instructions...each day the little operator telling me that my number for selection wasn't pulled yet and to call back the next day. Again, I am so excited about doing jury duty, each day at 5:00pm promptly I make the call, and still nothing. Well, tonight at 5:00pm I thought for sure, it's going to be may day to report for jury selection, NO...DAMN, they have picked the jury and they don't need me to report at all! WAAAAHHHH I so wanted to do jury duty. I never have, and I really really want to. Maybe next time :(

Well, I guess that's it for now.

TTFN

And So It Starts...The Results Show

2007-10-03T07:09:00.000-06:00

So the fundraiser was a success! Tristan took the catalog and sign up sheet to our softball game, we hit up co-workers, family, and friends and after it was all said and done...we found out that Tristan was the student that sold the most items. He won a limo ride to lunch with the principal, and he is so excited to be the winner of the whole school. In Tristans words he "can't stand it to go for a ride in the limo". So congratulations to Tristan!

We had a late softball game last night, 9:30pm. Not so fun on a cold fall night...but we came out swinging...beat the other team 21-7, and that part was way fun!

Tristan got in his first (i'm sure of many) fights at day care yesterday. He came out of it with three scratches down his cheeks, and not just cat scratches but deep couple of layers of skin gone scratches. They haven't got the "whole" story, but per Tristan "the other kid got a write up" and he kicked the other kid only "after" he was scratched...supposedly there was a girl involved. We'll see what comes of it...we should know more this afternoon.

K...better get going to work, just had some time to kill this morning.

TTFN

Organizing and packing sucks!

2007-10-01T19:07:00.000-06:00

So this past weekend was spend organizing and packing a few things in Tree-c's house to attempt to get things ready for the photographer to take inside and outside photos of the house...yeah, so that didn't allow much time for anything fun, and boy did Tristan let us know about it..."I don't freakin have anyone to play with" he shouts as we tell him to go in his room for a little while longer to get him out from under our feet...it's times like that that having a lil sister (his choice) or brother would really come in handy! I look at Jack and Alyssa and see the bond of sibling they have...it's so cute (I know it's not all candy and roses-but only-children syndrome is hard sometimes). Do we want more kids...sure we've talked about it, we aren't throwing away all the baby stuff as we pack, so I guess the answer is yes, but let us get moved in together before we leap and bound our way into that step. But yes, the older he gets the more we want to hurry...so we'll see what happens.

Let me tell you for those of you that have never experienced it before, organizing and packing up a house that has 12 years of memories that aren't your own can be taxing and emotional...I guess I shouldn't take that away from Patrice, I am sure organizing and packing up 12 years of memories that are your own can be taxing and emotional. It's been hard, and i'm sure that it'll be just as hard when we get to do it at my house too!

Trying to convince Tree-c that taking her personal photos of Tristan off the wall isn't because no one wants to see that adorable kid, it's because people don't want to see your family photos on potentially their new wall, they want to visualize their family photos on those walls...and trying to pack enough to de-clutter, but not so much that she can't live in the house is a hard line to toe.

But we are doing it, and it's a step toward our life together...the pay off is so great, we are very excited to get a move on!

I can't believe it's October first and that we have already had our first snow fall of the season. It actually makes me a bit nauseous. I am very much a summer girl, if it could be 78-82 degrees year round, so I can golf and play softball year round, I would be in heaven! I would rather be HOT then cold. I can't say I hate it, but I really really don't like winter. It makes me want to get fatter and hybernate...was I a bear in another life? HMMMM.

October I think is my least favorite month. Halloween (which is Tristan's favorite holiday) is my least favorite holiday. I keep getting told I will feel different now that I have Tristan, but I am tolerating the decorations, and am fine going trick or treating with him, but I am NOT dressing up or going to a party where I have to dress up. Okay, I guess I shouldn't be so "NO", 'cause I would do anything for Treec and Tristan! But I am not going to like it. HA HA.

This October is full of weekend plans, which makes me happy...We are leaving friday for Sacramento for my nieces first b-day party! I am very excited to see my family...it's been since last Christmas for my lil sis and niece, and it's been since last Thanksgiving since I saw my big sis and nephew. So I am very excited to get on the road...those that know me know I already have the list going of things to bring and will be packed wednesday night anxious to leave the second we can get Tristan out of school friday and get on the road! THANKS TO KY AND BECK for allowing us to use the mini van (I never in my wildest dreams expected to thanks someone for such a thing...ha ha ha) but the dvd player and headphones will be a God send on a 10 hour drive with a 5 year old!

The following weekend I got Treec a ticket to see Wynnona Judd in Wendover so we are going on a little family trip (long overdue) with Ky, Beck and the kids. I will be playing with the kids while the "adults" go to the concert...Tristan can hardly wait to stay in a hotel room and I am just excited to spend time with my favorite people! :)

The third weekend in Oct will bring the annual Halloween softball tournament in St. George. It's a nice get away to some warmer climate when fall and cold is in full force here in Salt Lake. The team we are taking this year seems to be almost seamless...I am really looking forward to coming back with an announcement of a large trophy! I will keep you posted...

Then the last weekend i'll just hold my breath through for Halloween...and then it'll be November...OH MY, do you realize it's only 84 days until Christmas! AHHHHHH

(here's holding my breath for good news from Mer and Summer)

TTFN

The Exit Sign!

2007-09-25T22:08:00.001-06:00

So tonight was inevitable...I feel a bit guilty (sheepishly rubbing my hands as if I conjured up the grandest scheme)for possibly nudging a bit hard, but it happened! (And I am not remotely regretful about it!) Wah Ha Ha Ha...the "Exit" sign I speak of will be in the front yard advertising the "FOR SALE" of Tree-c's house which will be on the market tomorrow! She filled out all the paperwork, and for those of you who have sold a home, you know what I mean about paperwork, my good lord! And as she dated that last signature she turned to me and said "if I sell my house and you leave me I will burn down your house! and I mean it!" It wasn't "baby, i'm so excited, I love you and I can't wait to move in with you..." NO! It's "I will hunt you down and kill you"...she's so funny! (In a little bit scarey way sometimes...ha ha ha)

And now it's baby steps, we will have to pack her and get the house ready, albeit quickly, in case there is a mad rush for a small two bedroom 1 bath inexpensive home with a GIANT yard...but we are none the less, taking the steps. When her house sells, we will move them into my house while we continue to look for our "dream home" and sell my house...

Thanks for all your words of encouragement, and I have to give credit where credit is due, if it weren't for great friends who continuously reminded me that good things happen to good people, and that I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love her, I would have missed out on the last year of my life, and the rest of the life I am enjoying each day as it comes along. THANKS K & B...I love you two very much!

Keep the happy thoughts coming our way...TTFN!

1 Year

2007-09-24T18:56:00.000-06:00

I have been up and down with my emotions the last few days, and don't really want to air the dirty laundry, but I am needing an escape of sorts for my thoughts, so I decided to spend a few moments here, instead of in my head.

Saturday was my and Tree-c's 1 year anniversary. 1 year from the day we decided to "be exclusive". Some of the comments I have heard over the course of the last few weeks..."what, you don't live together?" "or, 1 year? wow...it seems like just the other day". Excluding the close to me who said "only a year, it seems like she's been in our lives for the whole time". I love you two! :)

But so my head is all, "yeah, it does just seem like the other day", but my heart says "it's been forever". My head is all, "should we live together? do I need my space and my alone time?" my heart says, "I want her to be the last person I see when I go to bed and the first person I see when I wake up...what are we waiting for, I want to live with her".

I also have her heart and head to contend with. All the what if's that a mother and a scorn woman from a past long term relationship might worry about. All the longing to not be alone in living and raising her son, but the concern of loving and losing again.

Is love risk enough? Is risk love enough?

Tristan keeps posing the big question "when are you and mommy getting married?", the answer "when we all live together". And I mean it when I say it. I am anxious for the day I get to turn to her and ask her to share the rest of her life with me. To stand before each other and in front of all our families and friends and express our love and commitment to each other for the rest of our lives...silly me, I am a hopeless romantic and I can't wait to stand in that spot with her in front of me, sharing in that experience...so what stops us?

The living arrangements.

I will ask again, is love risk enough? Is risk love enough? Today, I am not sure!

You Might Be a Redneck!

2007-09-17T00:34:00.000-06:00

So this weekend we had the opportunity to do alot of fun things, agian! I swear, one of these weekends, I am just going to say we stayed home and did nothing, and boy will that be a great blog! :) HA HA...but this weekend we started it off friday night by me cooking dinner, t-bone steaks, fresh trout that we caught on one of our fishing trips this summer, and corn on the cob. It was delicious if I do say so myself. Even Tristan, who normally belly-aches for chicken nuggets and ranch dressing no matter what I attempt to cook for him, LOVED dinner! WOO HOO...success. Saturday morning I had to work for a couple of hours, but then we went up to the zoo to see what the cooler temperatures of fall would bring. Again, success, the bears were out and playing, the gorillas were rolling around, and the white aligator even popped it's head out of the water, prior to saturday, we hadn't even seen it move a muscle. So we had a great afternoon at the zoo!
Saturday night brought an event that I had never partaken of. Please excuse me if I offend, but I have never had the opportunity to see the type of people that we saw saturday night ever before, and I honestly laughed out loud at some of the behaviors of these people.
Some friends of mine from down in Provo and I have been talking all summer long about how we hear the roaring of engines (and it's louder in person...not that Tristan minded as you can see, he fell asleep)as the Rocky Mt Raceway holds their (it seems) nightly rituals of oval races, figure 8's, and straight track races. I had never been, although had threatened many a time to cut my hair back into my 80's and then some mullet and head on over to the races. Let me just say that the exhiliration of cars crashing into each other, and the roar of the engine so loud you could barely hear the person next to you is pretty darn fun! But the women of the races crack my shit up...let me splain (in the best mustered up Ricky Ricardo voice I have). So were sitting there, watching a 100 lap oval race. About every 2-3 laps there would be a random car bumping into another car to try to get better position, and I guess this isn't allowed and some people get a little testy when this type of action is made. The women in the stands would flip this driver off as he rounded the curve, they would cuss and hollar at him as if he could hear them. This group we were watching was obviously family and close friends of the driver being bumped...I guess he just had to keep a certain position, not even win the race to be the champion of the whole year. So they were a rootin! Each time (100 laps) he would round by us, they would hoot and hollar. They would cheer and hug at him keeping his position. The the white flag comes out, last lap, he's going to do it...the checkered flag comes out, he takes 5th (I think) but one position in front of this other car that was in battle for the championship. Next thing I know, one lady is falling over faint, she is hugging everyone, bawling with joy, the she stops, takes a knee, and seems to be about to puke. The driver pulls around near the group and reaches his arm out with a woo hoo cheer and they clap and cheer. "Unofficially, car ?? has just taken the championship" they cry, they cheer, and the driver flips some 360's in his car, squeeling tires and burning rubber, literally! WOW...I imagine it was a little like when Brandi Chastain ripped her shirt off after winning the National Championship in the Women's World Cup Soccer game a few years ago...okay, for me, not as exciting, but I imagine for these women, it was that exciting! :) It was just a new experience for me...but one I would go enjoy again...that's for sure. Tristan and I were able to do the chicken dance for Lagoon tickets, but sadly didn't win. I will throw in some photos of that too. Oh yeah, and we ran into Sum, Mer, and Cam who were also at their virgin experience at the Races too! :)
Today we got up, Tristan and I made breakfast, we watched a movie, then packed a lunch and headed up Millcreek Canyon for a picnic and a small little hike. The leaves are turning, the canyon is beautiful with the fall colors...one of the many reasons I love Utah in the fall. Enjoy the photos...and we'll catch you again soon!

TTFN

The Cape

2007-09-13T23:23:00.000-06:00

The last few days Tristan has been on a "cape" kick...he must have a cape with bats on it, not a "Batman" cape per say, but a cape with bats on it. So him and Patrice were off to the fabric stores to find the fabric. Black shiney satiny felt like fabric for one side, and bright orange cotton fabric for the other side, the orange fabric which adorns black bats...Tristans favorite animal. He was so excited he could hardly wait to show it to me.
The last two days have been spent trying to figure out how to sew the damn thing together. Patrice pulled her sewing machine out of the deepest darkest corner of the basement and attempted to thread the machine with black thread. She called me a little while later to come help her fix the damn thing because she couldn't get the bobbin to go back into the bottom of the machine. My mom and dad are both very established and amazingly beautiful quilters, I however haven't a clue how to even sew a button back on a shirt...so for me to even tinker with a sewing machine was almost laughable...but what the heck, I will try anything to help my girl out.
So a little while into it, I get the whole thing back together, get the thread threaded threw all the little cracks and crevasses and turn it on...the little wheel will spin, but the needle wont go up and down...I wanted to throw the damn thing! Then I wanted to run out to the nearest sewing machine establishment and purchase a new one that I could sit and read the whole instruction manual and know exactly how to sew. Cause that is what I do, when I get anything new, I am a manual reader! But we were late, had to get to softball...WHICH WE KICKED SOME ASS I MIGHT ADD! Great game! WOO HOO.

So anyway...small tangent, I decided this afternoon to go pick up Tristan from day care a little early, took his little helmet and drove the Vespa to pick the little man up. He was so excited when I picked him up, he ran straight over and jumped into my arms and goes "did you bring my helmet?" Well of course, do you think his Mother would allow me to pick him up without having a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads, elbow pads, a rope to tie him to me and to the scooter all to drive on back roads about 3 blocks down the road....HA HA HA okay smallish exadurations. (how the hell do you spell that word? WHAT THE!) But yes, I brought his helmet. So we get back to my place and we decide to watch Boomerang (the greatest channel on Directv, just ask Tristan) and share a cantelope. When Tree-c got home it wasn't long until he started asking about his Cape again...so now back to the story.

So I had called my cousin Tina, who loves to sew (not really sure that she does "love it", but she can sew, and I knew it, so I called her) and was thrilled that we wanted to come over and visit and have her help Tree-c with the cape.

They DID amazing! By the time we left Tina's house, the cape was sewn, Tristan and Cameron (Tina's youngest) were thoroughly exhausted from running up and down all their stairs, and Tristan decided we needed to buy Tina's house..."come on Heid, we have enough money for it, i'm serious". He says the funniest things sometimes. Tina and her family are actually moving and putting their home on the market in the near future. Hmmm...we'll have to see.

So tomorrow is "show-n-tell" at Kindergarten...his last comment before I got out of the car "what if they think my cape is dumb?" "Buddy...your cape is awesome, and even if no one else likes it, you do, and that is all that matters!" That seemed to ease his mind...we'll see what tomorrow brings!

I will add a photo soon...

TTFN

And So It Starts...

2007-09-10T16:43:00.000-06:00

For those of you with children not quite school age, let me explain my newest head shaking astonishment.

Week one of kindergarten, you would think it would be all about coloring, maybe a little finger paints, some singing and banging on pans learning the hokey pokey...NO. Well, that stuff may have happened, but what we get out of Tristans explanation of "how was your day" was "if you buy me some cookie dough, I can go on a car ride with dark windows to a pizza party with a cool braclet!" "here, here is the paper". What? I think to myself, in the HELL is he talking about...well, I take the bright green paper he hands me and find out that we are starting a fund raiser! Seriously, week one? Kindergarten? Seriously though...cookie dough, frozen mini pizzas, soft pretzels, churros, brownies, punkin pie, apple pie, and a few other assorted items. As I read on, I see that for any one item that he sells he get's a glo-in-the dark braclet. The kid that sells the most items in the school gets a ride in a limo (hence the car with the dark windows) and the class that sells the most gets a pizza party. He's so funny...

So here it starts...wanna buy some frozen treats for Tristan's fund raiser? We gotta help our boy get his braclet and limo ride to lunch! :)

Oh, and when your kids start their fund raising years...we'll be there for them too! :)

TTFN

Working...on the sabbath! HA HA

2007-09-09T12:50:00.001-06:00

So here I sit at the record store, listening to a little jazzy piano music waiting for my obligatory 6 hour once every two months sunday shift to slowly creep by and thought I would blog a little.

Saturday afternoon Tree, Tristan, and I went to a friend of our's daughters b-day party and meet a couple of bloggers "Twins and Two Moms". Such a cute little family! What a small little world.

After the party we were fortunate enough to have Tree-c's mom watch Tristan for a couple of hours so we could go to our local Lesbian watering hole to celebrate a couple of friends of ours birthday's. First of all let me just say, $2.50 for a f-ing bottle of water for the Designated Driver? And $7.50 for specialty shots? I can't afford to go drinking anymore! A little into the night I leaned over to Tree to ask her what time it was, it was just creeping up on 10:00pm. I was done for the night and ready to go pick up the little man! HOW FUNNY! On the way out however, I did see a couple of old familiar faces, it was great to share a hug and introduce Treec. All in all it was a good evening.

This morning I got up at 7:00am and went golfing with my dad and Kenny. Went to Wingpointe and played 9-holes. I out drove them both on a few of the holes, and only lost to my dad by 2 strokes. It was a great beginning to the day.

This afternoon Mer, Sum, and Cam are planning to come over to have a hot dog and let the boys play. Should be a good afternoon!

Okay...have a great rest of the weekend TTFN.

Utah State Fair

2007-09-08T13:32:00.000-06:00

Jack, Alyssa, and Tristan getting ready to ride a pony.
Cam, Alyssa, Jack, Tree-c, Tristan riding the spinning dinosaur.
Tree-c & Tristan in the fun house
I just can't help but show off these photos of some of the most adorable kids I have ever seen! We went to the fair with a large group last night (friday 09/07) and had a great time riding rides, eating corn on the cob and greasy treats...and we even tried a fried snicker for the first time! So fun to see everyone that was there...have a great day!

Our Labor-less Day Weekend!

2007-09-04T22:22:00.000-06:00

We started off the weekend with a bang. It was Tree-c's b-day b-b-q, which I mentioned in the last blog that there were a few surprises. Tree's Dad (who never really showed up in the last 34 years) showed up with a new 32" All-purpose Camp/Dutch Oven Table...something that she has wanted for quite awhile now! Another one of her surprises was an ice cream cake...Tristan picked it out, it was decorated as a hot pink present with a Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy toy on top. Chocolate Brownie ice cream with chocolate cake...hello can you say RICH? It was good though, and it was exactly what she had hoped for. I got her windows tinted for her in her new car, and let me just tell you how difficult life is in this "fast food" "ATM" style world we live in when you can't role down your windows. Imagine driving up to have a double cheeseburger with fries and having to hand the money to the person without being able to roll down your window. Not that I am ordering double cheeseburgers with fries, 'cause I am not allowed to eat that food anymore....SHHHH!

Saturday we spent the day being lazy, we got up leisurly, something those of you with kids will understand it's not past 8:00am and usually not very leisurly...ha ha. But we went to breakfast at IHOP where Tristan proceeded to spill the new blue lemonaide all over the table and narrowly missed spilling over onto Tree's lap. Then we headed to "downtown", one of Tristan's favorite places to go. If we could pack a lunch and spend every weekend at the Gateway playing in the fountain, he would be in 7th Heaven! On our adventures downtown, we always have the pleasure of finding a transient (or bumb if your politically incorrect). I have tried to teach Tristan that some people aren't as blessed as us and they don't have a house to live in, and they don't have jobs, so they live on the street or in shelters. I have also taught him that if they are "working" then the deserve our money, but if they are just begging, then we don't give them anything. So whenever he sees a street performer, whether it's the bagpipe guy, or the little band that sings in the restaurant area, he is all about giving them money. Well, Tristan has a tendency to see coins laying in the street, and he is saving up for our Disneyland trip this December, so on Saturday he had found two dimes. He was so excited to put them in the "Disneyland Money" bank but then as we were eating a guy that seemed not all there started playing (if I can use that term loosely) a trumpet, pretty much the same three notes the whole time he was there. WELL, Tristan being the sweet (and I use that term loosely...ha ha, just kidding) boy that he is asks me to walk with him, he takes my hand and walks forward toward the trumpet player. He reaches deep into his pocket and takes out one of his two dimes and places it into the mans trumpet case. The he turns and heads back to finish his pizza. What a cute little gesture.
Sunday we got up early to take Grandpa's fishin boat out onto the lake at East Canyon. By the time we got the motor running it was noon. We got to the lake, found Kyla and Becky's camp, said hi and then headed onto the lake. It was my first time backing a boat trailer down a ramp...boy was that an interesting feat. Patrice got out onto the trailer to push the boat off, threw Tristan into the boat and was going to wait for me after I parked the truck and trailer...when I got back I guess Tristan had had a complete come apart when the boat started floating and he was the only one in the boat...it was his first time and come to find out later that day, it was the "scariest part of the day". Almost everyday we have a "what was the best part of your day" conversation. It's one of my favorite things we do all day. :) My funnest part of that day was singing camp songs with Tristan, Alyssa, and Jackson. We had a blast...Tristan's new favorite song is the "baby shark" song...thanks Becky! :) So cute! Oh yeah, and I ended up falling into the lake that afternoon because Treec didn't know how to stop the boat and we rammed into the boat dock and then didn't have a rope to tie it off, so as I grabbed on the dock to hang on and the boat floated out from under me...I just ended up diving in, I only have a few bruises...ha ha ha. That day we got skunked fishing!

Monday we got up at 5:00am to get to Tree's dad's by between 5:30 and 6:00am. He was taking us in his little boat to Scofield to "TROLL". Talk about a fun fun fun time. It was fun to spend some time with Tree's dad. I am not counting on him sticking around, but I will be really grateful and so happy if this is just the beggining of the rest of their relationship. We caught 19 fish all together, and had a great time!

When do I get another holiday/vacation so I can rest and sleep in instead of having to Labor. :)

Okay, off to bed - remind me to talk to you about the "winds" that tore Patrice's trampoline apart.

Little Bit o everythang!

2007-08-30T23:05:00.000-06:00

Well, hello! Tonight was spent with Ky, Beck and the kids at one of our favorite restaurants Teppenyaki's for Tree-c's b-day! It was really nice to enjoy time with them...oh hell, it's always nice! Jackson cracked me up chowin down on his rice! I have never seen a kid like rice as much as Jackson does! And then there's Alyssa being a big girl and enjoying the show...I think she asked 4 or 5 times where the guy was going when he was done cooking our dinner. Tristan loves the fire, but it's a little hot on his face, so he always shoves his chair about 5 feet away from the table while the flame is going and then slides back up for the rest of the show when the flames die down. And me...I love the soup and salad best! YUMM-O...if you've never had a chance to go...I highly recommend it.

Tomorrow is Tree-c's actual b-day. I am having friends and family over for a little b-b-q and I am a bit overwhelmed since last year we weren't "together" for her b-day. I want it to be special for her! There are a few surprises in the works...I will share them and how they were received after tomorrow! :)

I would bet that most of the people in my life have been affected by the big "C" (and I don't mean Cali) in some way or another. My mom has battled breast cancer 3 times. Monday she called me and let me know that her routine bone scan showed up with a bit of abnormality in her neck bones...so they were a bit concerned and had her come back in for a few more tests. Wednesdays we were relieved to find out that it's not cancer! WOO HOO...it is however degenerative arthritis. Sad that we are excited that it's that...but at least it's not cancer! Last time my mom went through her treatments it really altered her mental well being and changed my mom into a different person. I think deep inside somewhere I was scared to lose my mom again when we just got her back! Thank God we have more time!

It's my big sisters birthday today. I called her this morning to wish her a happy day! I realized as I hung up the phone that it's probably been months since I talked to her. I gotta be a better sister and keep the phone lines open with her. I have two sisters, one older, Gidget (yes that's her real name); and one younger, Penny. They both have one child, Gidget's son Timmy joined the Navy last December and is stationed in San Diego. Penny's baby Presley is having her first birthday in October. I am really looking forward to seeing them Columbus Day weekend...Treec, Tristan, and I are taking a little road trip. I can't wait!

Well I better get my self off to bed, tomorrow is going to be a long day! Wish me luck!

Update...and then maybe a lil softball goo!

2007-08-28T21:55:00.000-06:00

Alrighty then, so to give an update...I guess it wasn't a SWAT team (come on i'm in Utah...gossip is big here right!), it was just a few cops. West Valley's finest, at it's best sit and wait for something to "really" happen before they take initiative to intervene therefore after a few hours of sitting on their asses they left...yep you heard me, they left...so Aunt and daughter went into the house to find out if Uncle had ended up shooting himself to find him passed out. He had taken enough pills and whatever else to get a good old overdose goin on, so they called 911 and last I heard he is in Pioneer Hospital. Which if you have ever been there is almost putting yourself one foot in the grave anyway...sorry not a fan of Pioneer!

Talk about Jerry Springer type events...and this is just the sprinkles on the whip cream of what has been happening in that family. I wont even bother with all the other details.

My girl is doing fine, worried about her Grandma who lives across the street...but all in all, just another day in the life.

Tonight was the first game of our women's fall softball league. Started with a cluster...2 players short, one of which is one of my better outfielders. I am not really sure why I continue running this damn team...guess it's the love of the game that does it to me. Ended up losing, but not a bad lose, if that makes sense to anyone! Sometimes you play so bad that you beat yourselves, others, you work your ass off and are proud of the game even if you lose. That was tonight. Looks like we are going to have a pretty solid team, it'll just take a few weeks to get the softball goo going, so we are all gelled together and playing like we know what the hell we are doing.

Let's see if I can post a photo...and then I will head off to bed...oh and I wanted to say thanks to Ky for putting such a flattering photo of me on her blog...but really her comments made me tear up a bit, she is one of the best friends I could have ever hoped for and I am blessed to be in her and Beck and the kids lives! Love you guys...

TTFN Tristan and T0pper / Tree-c and Me

The phone call

2007-08-27T19:39:00.000-06:00

First let me start with...I am a blog virgin, (and gramatically challenged at times-forgive me)and i'm kinda excited to get a move on with this...so thanks Ky for getting me all worked up and ready to...dirty, your all dirty! I hope I do you proud! :) I got big shoes to compare too (CROCS ARE BACK!).

Ok, so I am sitting at work tonight in the CD Store, 2nd of two jobs, the one that brings me joy! Listenin to a bit of Queen/John Lennon/Gnarls Barkley/Tom Waits...just a little bit of a random spin. Had two female "family members" come in to purchase some dvd's all of which had a common theme to me! I smurked under my breath (can you do that?...well I did) wondering if their young minds think like me...sure enough, as I state "you both have great taste in movies" the one pipes up with "do you know the common theme?". Without missing a beat I reply "Clea Duvall...my girlfriend (yumm-o) and they both giggle and she says "yep!" So then she proceeds to pull out her cell phone where she had caputred a photo of Clea about 10 feet away in a club in LA just two weeks ago. I drooled in jealousy. What a great start to my 5 hour shift!

Well then, to get to the blog title, I get a phone call...Indigo Girls: Free in You starts to play, and a smile comes to my face knowing that my sexy gf is calling to say hello! Well so I thought. It wasn't a call to say hello so much as a call to tell me she was rushing over to her grandma's, where situated about 100 yards across the street was a SWAT team and her "uncle Shane with a shot gun to his head". How do you do that exactly? Wouldn't you have to have long arms? So now I sit here, stuck in the store, praying that Tree-c isn't anywhere near the house, and doesn't get in the middle of any gun fire that might ensue. I will update as I know any outcome!

Well...guess I better get to cleaning up the store, and trying to keep my mind off anyone getting hurt! Pray that all turns out without a death, I can just see it now, Patrice's b-day friday will be spend at a funeral! JOY! Was that synical? Hmmmm...

TTFN