My friend is M.I.A.

Many years ago, in a different space and time, a friendship was born. It has experienced it's share of bad times but it has expreienced many many many more good times then are countable.
Our friendship has made it through the fears of sickness, the fun and frustrations of moving, the miracle of birth, the sadness of death, the joy of adoption, the heartbreak of separations & break-ups, the excitment of road trips, the smiles, the laughs, the inside jokes, holidays, gifts, and probably more food and drinks then humans should possibly consume! :) Things that friendships are built on!

I hold a very special place in my heart for my friend. Actually she is more then a friend, more then a sister, she is a part of why I am who I am today, and a person I will cherish in my heart and soul for as long as forever is.

Although she is M.I.A. in my life today, she will always be with me in my heart. I miss her, and long to have my friend back in my life.

So today, Ky on your special day, I wanted to take a moment to tell you I love you and wish you a very happy birthday. (Dec 28th, 2008)

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Just wanted to wish everyone a safe and wonderful Christmas! Hope you get everything your hearts desire this Christmas. Or at least anything more then a lump of coal! :)

TTFN

photos from the last few weekends...

So the weekend has been full again...

This weekend has been just as packed as the many in the past...but I am SOOOO looking forward to wednesday at about noon when I will be on Christmas vacation for a good 48 hours. WOO HOO. Friday night we had a horrible snow store and it took me an hour and a half to get home my normal 10 minute drive. BLECK. Once we got home we got comfy and did a little baking. Love to bake! We made some yummy cookies, banana bread, chocolates. Watching Christmas specials on tv, singing along with the Heat Miser. "They call me Heat Miser, whatever I touch, starts to melt in my touch, I'm too much!" WAA HAAA HAAA.
Saturday brought goodie deliveries, visiting with friends, and Christmas with my Dad down in Lehi. I got the fishing waders I wanted! WOO HOO. Last night we went to Mer & Summers so the boys could swap presents. Us 4 adults ended up playing the new Pictionary Man game and laughed hysterically! Patrice and I barely won by 1 point after Mer and Summer finally got in sync and started their come back. AHHH... WHAT A FUN GAME! I must have that! :)
This morning we got up about 8:00am and got all bundled up and went over to Hunter park where there is a pretty good size hill to go sleeding. Topper went with us and jumped right on the sled on my first time down! And then jumped up and ran as fast as he could back up the hill to go down again. I of course took a bit longer to get myself back up the hill. HA HA, so he was bouncy and anxious by the time I got there. Our last time down, Tristan and I decided to brave the yellow sled together. Probably not the greatest idea, as we started to turn, the sled caught and edge and flipped us over. SLEDDING IS SO DANGEROUS, why do we allow ourselves to do such insane things. I started to skid on my left shoulder and as the pressure built, the wind kept escaping my lungs...as my head stopped us from moving any further I felt my ribs callapse under my elbow and I new I had broken a rib. So now I am struggling breathing and am having a hard time bending over to get anything off the floor. What a joke...it was FUN though! Tristan was fine, I totally caught him and broke his fall. That seems to happen a lot with us. :) He got really upset and was worried about me. I had to remind him I was fine to keep him from having a total melt down. But honestly, I think I am fine, just a lot sore! :)
I am now at work, and Patrice and Tristan are going to her aunts for their family Christmas party.

Only 3 more wakeups until Christmas Eve! WOO HOO!

TTFN

The weekend update! (Photos will be posted later)

The weekends seem to be getting busier and busier, but luckily they have been filled with family fun. So that is a-okay with me. Friday night I met up with an old friend of mine for dinner and conversation. We went to Tepenyakki's(sp?) (one of my favorite places to eat) in Lehi, since it was a half-way point for us both. This restaraunt is a Japanese steak house. They cook on the grill in front of you, there is alot of Japanese goofy humor and a moment when I honestly would have loved the chef to bust out in a rendition of "Jingo beows, jingo beows, Far rah rah rah rah, rah rah rah rah". Japanese low sodium, (salt being shaken just above the already salty soy sauced rice) moved to Japanese high sodium, (salt being shaken about 3 feet above the rice). I giggled, as I usually do, and the other 2 couples with their 3 wide eyed children seemed to be just as entertained as I was. :) I think the cutest was the girl taking a bite of lobster tail, saying she liked it as she had the sour lemon puker on her face and then refusing to eat more as she shuddered after the swollow. So cute to make kids try new things!
After dinner I went to my Dad's (who lives in Lehi) and we looked over the "almost finished" sets of plans for the re-model. We have three floors of plans, mostly complete, and we need to start adding the details to the plans. My dad is retired now, but has been a contractor and a kitchen cabinet installer for so many years that he still has connections and so we are going to do our own kitchen. I can hardly wait to get started, picking out the wood, the styles, our kitchen will be a main entertaining point to our new home, and I am really looking forward to getting this one right! :)
Saturday I had to get up and work, but then we went to our annual GLPU (parent's group)Christmas Party! WHAT A GREAT EVENT. The kids and parents alike did cookie decorating, Santa and Mrs. Clause came and had photo ops with the kids while they excitedly told Santa what they wanted for Christmas. Tristan hestitated, but after a little encouragement, sat on Santa's lap and told him a few items off his list. Then off to play in the kids rooms upstairs they went. It was nice to meet new people, converse with people we have recently met, and see old faces that have been missing for awhile. I can't wait to have our house done so we can host on of our monthly events! :)
Saturday evening landed us at Patrice's mom's to help her decorate a little for Christmas. She is still on the oxygen tank, and isn't allowed to drive. They found a lung disease that they are treating (along side her pnemonia) with steroids. I guess they are recommending she see how this works for a little while and then after the first of the year she may have to retire and go on disability with an in home nurse. I guess with this treatment her immune system will be so limited that even being around people could 'cause death. So we will just take things one day at a time and see what we can do to help her get better baby step by baby step.
Sunday we got up EARLY (bleck) and headed to the Zoo for breakfast with Santa and the Zoo animals. As we ate breakfast we met the cute little family that sat at our table with us and became instant friends with their 5 year old son Ryan. He was very outgoing, and very excited about Christmas. The zoo volunteers walked around the room with an owl, another bird, an opposum, an armidillo, a lizard, and a madagascar cockroach (ewww). They let us pet them, told us all their history, and even had hand sanitizer after to keep our hands fresh and clean. :) They had crafts for the kids to do, wish lists for Santa that we all filled out and gave to him when we were done, and then we walked around the zoo in a few inches of snow seeing the gorilla's up close and watched the cat's playing in the snow. For the first time in MANY years we also saw the Gray Wolves. We walked around the zoo with our new friends Mark, Tiffany, and Ryan from Layton for about an hour and then said our goodbyes. We will probably never seen these people again, but we really had a great morning with them and want to wish them a Very Merry Christmas and much success with their endeavors.
After the zoo we headed up to West Point (west of Hill Air Force Base) to our friend Amy and Casey's house. We had a girls afternoon together of Gingerbread house decorating. For those of you that haven't done your houses yet this year, but plan to...make sure you have the time to let the house dry before you try to decorate, or your roof will sink in and you will be cursing the whole afternoon! :) We all had a fun time, we made a really cute house, and as always enjoyed the company of some really great friends! :) Mamosa's and goodies and all! :)Thanks Amy! :)
Sunday evening we did some measuring for the contractor, packed the dogs up and headed to my house for a sleepover. We cuddled in on the couch with the Christmas tree lights shining and watch a few of the Christmas movies that we have tivo'd the past couple of weeks. And then went to bed at 8:30pm. IT WAS A GREAT WEEKEND! :)
I can't believe Christmas is in 9 days. WOO HOO...TTFN

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. With Patrice's mom going from sick to a breathing tube and ventilator in the ICU (on Thanksgiving day) to her now being home but still no word on what is actually wrong with her lungs. We are grateful that she is home this week, even though she is hooked to an oxygen tank...she has a doctors apt next Wednesday where we hope to have some answers and a starting point to her recovery.

This weekend has been a little bit of a band-aid in our family time. We have spent so much time running here and there, from hospital to work to karate. We finally had some time to actually spend doing fun family things. Friday night we went to the Zoo with our really great friends Mer, Summer, and Cam. We walked around in the bitter cold looking at all the amazing lights. Saturday morning we got up and went to the Festival of Trees, a wonderful tradition that we have done three years running now. Walking around and looking at all the trees, enjoying the goodies, Tristan getting his finger nails painted (which he picked over calling the Christmas Elf on the phone to put in his Christmas requests. "I will call the Elves next year k Heidi? I want my nails painted"), and continuing to get into the holiday spirit. Afterward we went to pick out our Christmas tree. We all fell in love with the same one as we walked around the lot. We went home quickly, and started to pull out all the decorations. The lights went on quickly, the ornaments not as quick, at first my O.C.D. kicked in and every ornament that Tristan put on the tree I wanted to move to a more "appropriate" spot. But after a few minutes I put myself in check and realized it's just a tree. And beside that, I can move them later after he goes to bed. HA HA HA...I am proud to say I have not moved a single ornament. :)
After Patrice put the Mickey Mouse on the top of the tree, her and I ran downstairs to put a few of the bins away...next thing we know, Tristan is at the top of the stairs yelling down "we have a problem here...Mom, we have a problem!" We started up the stairs as he burst into tears, "what's wrong?" Patrice says to him...as we go up the stairs to find the Christmas tree toppled over in the middle of the room, water gushing out of the tree stand all over my laminate floor, and Mickey Mouse glass ornaments shattered all over the floor. "Heidi's favorite ornament is broken, it's going to be a horrible Christmas" cry's Tristan. I give him a little hug, and tell him it's going to be okay. We put him up on the couch and proceed to clean up the mess. Had the water not been gushing out on the floor I would have stopped to take a photo, but I wanted to get that cleaned up first. So the photos attached are of the tree decorated and standing. :) After we got the tree back to normal, the train on the track, the dogs settled down, and Tristan in his pj's we settled in for our first showing (of many) of the movie A Christmas Story. It's one of my favorites, that one and Elf I could watch over and over, and I do! This morning we got up, wrapped a ton of presents, cooked some bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns, listened to Christmas music, and wrapped more presents. I had to work today but prior to leaving Tristan and I worked on riding his bike without training wheels. Let me just say, this accomplishment will be HUGE, when he finally rides alone! Can't hardly wait!!!

Well, I think that catches everyone up for now. TTFN

a lil bit of this, a little bit of that...

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I have many many things to be grateful for. I could make a huge list, but I am sure that it would just bore you. So I will just highlight a few things. My family, my friends, my health, and my character. If it weren't for my family, I wouldn't be the person I am today, and that person is a pretty damn cool sister, daughter, aunt, step mom, partner, niece, cousin. If it weren't for my friends; past, present and future, I wouldn't be who I am today, and that is a pretty damn good listener, confidant, allie, hugger, friend. If it weren't for my health; I wouldn't know what pain is, I wouldn't know what joy is, I wouldn't know what gratitude is, I wouldn't know what fear is...and I am grateful for the struggles I have had with my health so that I can be grateful for the fact that I am free from pain, fear, and struggles with my health today. And if it weren't for my character, I wouldn't be able to be the family memeber or friend that I am...that can look in the mirror and be proud of who I am today. SO...today I am grateful!

Patrice's mom ended up in the ICU yesterday. She is on a breathing tube with her hands restrained so she can't inadvertantly rip her tube out. They MAY take the breathing tube out today to see if her lungs will work on their own, but eitherway she will be in the ICU for at least 24 more hours. They had to surgically take a larger biopsy of her lung early tuesday, which deflated her lung and they have to continuously pump it back up with a baloon...they will send the biopsy to a lab in Arizona to see if they can figure out what is wrong with her. Once her lungs are better, they will be able to do the surgery to help her with the ulcers and hernia. We are just trying to stay positive.

I am really looking forward to my Betty Crocker skills to come out and shine like they have so many times in the past with Turkey Day dinner. I will start the fun tonight, stuffing the turkey, baking the pies, getting the dinner roll dough ready to raise, mixing up the special turkey day leftover chip dip. YUM-O! I can hardly wait to wake up in the morning to the smell of turkey cooking, the sound of the parade on the tv and the warmth of my favorite day of the year brewing through the house. I will miss being with my mom and sisters this year, but happy to have Tree-c and Tristan to share this day with me.

With all that has happened with Treec's mom the past few weeks she was able to squeeze in some pretty special stuff for me for my birthday last saturday. Thanks to her for being amazing in this time of stress and chaos. Thanks to Mer, Summer and Cam for coming to my house to surprise me. You all made my night really great...and you were able to experience my Dad's nutty girlfriend. HA HA HA

I got a bunch of new things for our future fishing excursions. I can hardly wait for the spring so we can start fishing again! Actually we have talked about doing the ice fishing thing this winter. If things would calm down so we can have a minute to breath....

Well, better get back to work. Just wanted to wish everyone a wonderfully Happy Thanksgiving. If you are traveling, I wish you safety. If you are staying home I wish you comfort. Enjoy the day. TTFN

Much better prognosis then before...

So far they have found that Mom has esophageal ulcers, a hynatal hernia, and some fibrous lung disease. She is also very low on sodium so she isn't allowed any water, I guess that sodium follows water so if you drink it, the sodium leaves your body at an even faster rate.
They sent a biopsy of her esophagus and her lungs off to the lab to make sure there is no cancer, and to make sure that the fluid on her lungs isn't pneumonia. They suctioned out her lungs, and doubled her dose of heart burn medicine.
She seems to be doing a little bit better, but still struggling to breath and can't seem to kick the cough. But once her lungs are doing better they can go in and do surgery on her ulcers and hernia and fix that problem. So it's a much better prognosis then we initially had been told by the team of docs that are working on her.

Thanksgiving is in just 8 more wake ups...I can hardly wait. I have already purchased the turkey, ham, and a couple of other little things to get ready. I am making dinner at my house this year...

With Patrice's grandma, aunt and dad being in Kansas for her Grandpa's funeral, and her mom being in the hospital it might just end up us three for dinner...so if anyone is in need of company and some great food...your more then welcome to come to dinner at my house! We would love to have you enjoy it with us!

The big game is saturday...Utah Utes vs BYU Cougars. I really really wanted to go again this year (I was spoiled by my friend Kyla last year and got to go with her and Becky's dad and brother), it's actually on my birthday this year...but alas, I just don't have that much cash to fork out for a football game. I wish! Maybe some miracle will happen and someone will just give me their tickets. HA HA HA. Otherwise I will be watching it from home...which in and of itself will be fun.

Frosty has been staying with me the last couple of nights, he's still not sleeping through the night and Patrice really needed her sleep to be able to function to help her mom. It's been fun to have him around and Topper is being really cute with him, suprisingly enough! Topper is normally very possesive of me, but he's been really patient with this little rodent that chews on his ears and always wants to sit on my lap. I continually give him praise and treats to let him know he's being such a good boy!

Well, thanks again for all your warm wishes and we'll continue to work on getting Mom better.

Hope you have a great day...

TTFN

First test back-positive results!

First test was a scope down Mom's throat to check out her esophogus and stomach...they found esophogeal ulcers. She and Patrice both have cronic acid reflux. They can't do surgery to help this YET, because of the concerns about her lungs, but at least they know one of the reasons why she has a persistant cough, and pain in her chest, we are happy to find out that this can be treated. :)

Lung tests to come later...will keep everyone posted.

TTFN

Please keep Patrice in your prayers...

We don't know much...but Patrice's mom is in the hospital. She had to be taken to the ER yesterday, and thankfully her very loud and outspoken aunts have taken it upon themselves to take her to the newest and nicest hospital in town, and are not letting the docs or nurses out of sight without constant updates to her condition.

Mom had been having some trouble catching her breath for the past few weeks, they have tested her oxygen levels, her heart, they tested her three times for sleep apnea, and all said and done the doctors just keep putting her off as if she might just be overweight and out of shape. But yesterday after forcing the new docs to really take a look they finally found something that they are concerned with. A mass in her lungs, which could be pnemonia, a tumor, or a blood clot. They are doing biopsy's this morning and we should know later today.

Please keep Patrice and her mom in your thoughts and prayers. I will keep you posted as we know more.

Thanks in advance for your prayers, positive vibes and well wishes, they are much needed and appreciated!

TTFN

Kyla & Mer both tagged me...so here goes!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? Real without hesitation!
3. When do you put up the tree? I would love to put it up the weekend after Turkey Day, but sometimes it takes longer to get just the right one! It's all about shopping for the perfect tree.
4. When do you take the tree down? Usually the weekend after Christmas or else the weekend after New Years.
5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, in fact I had some today that is called Pumpkin Spice Eggnog...yummo!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I had two...my chemistry set and my lime green skinny skateboard. I think I have a photo...I will look for it.
7. Hardest person to buy for? no one. I always take the time through the year to find just the right present for that particular person.
8. Easiest person to buy for? see #7
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No in fact...but it's something I keep looking into buying each year, but just haven't found the perfect one.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail - ordered them today! :)
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I guess it's not the WORST, but one I just didn't understand. It was a telescope. Never have used it...it's a dust collector on a ledge in my house.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I have four The Year Without a Santa Clause, Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas Story, and Elf. I could watch them over and over and over. Without break!
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I usually start in October, but it's just a hear and there thing, I have a new tradition with Treec...we go Black Friday shopping and that denotes the end of Christmas shopping for the year.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? hasn't everyone? But I usually feel guilty about it, not only am I a hoarder, but I am also very sentimental. Hence the reason why the telescope is still on the ledge collecting dust.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? mom's Christmas dinner and Ghirardelli peppermint bark
16. Lights on the tree? yes, multi-colored
17. Favorite Christmas song? The Christmas Song (also know as Chestnuts Roasting on an Open fire)
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Either, I love going to my parents but it's nice to be home too.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? um yep, even Olive! HA HA HA (if you don't get it, just ask)
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? my tree has Mickey Mouse, but of the choice, Star
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas Eve 1 present, which is pj's, Christmas morning the rest
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? not being grateful
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Disney theme
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Ham, mashed tatoes & gravy (or funeral potatoes), rolls, peas, punkin pie,
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? time to enjoy Christmas with my little family, this will be our first time to enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas morning just us three! I can hardly wait!

now...let me tag Quandry


and Karen

Chadder's

I almost forgot to tell you...remember awhile back I blogged about a burger place down in American Fork that was nearly as good as In-N-Out Buger??? WELL...for all you SLC people that try your damndest to avoid Utah County, you'll be happy to know (I know I am) that Chadder's has now opened a new location on 5600 West and aprox 2700 South. OH MY is it yummy, and very dangerous for it to be so close in proximity to my home.

My favorite thus far is a Stubby Double add grilled onions, extra sauce, and pickles, fries with a side of burger sauce, and a half and half vanilla and chocolate shake!

Give it a try.

TTFN

New Doo & more bad photos of Frosty

If the damn little thing would quit moving around so much I could get a cute photo with my phone. Until we get our internet up and running (which should be tonight-keep your fingers crossed).

Treec and Tristan suprised me with an early b-day present and got me a gift certif to get my hair did! I was so happy...it's been since before our Hawaii trip this summer. EEK.

The rain is hear today, and not only is it a rainy day, but it's a monday...and it hasn't even got me down today! WOO HOO...gotta love when things are feeling good in your life!

We found a few more Christmas gifts this weekend, our shopping is nearly done. But looking forward to braving the crazies and the cold on Black Friday again this year! :) I can hardly wait.

Well, better get to work.

Have a great monday...TTFN

Very BAD photos of Frosty...

I promise one of these days my internet at home will be back up and running and I will be able to show you adorable photos that we have taken of this cute little rodent of a dog since he's been in our possession. Topper is patiently dealing with Frosty and his need to bite everything including Topper's ears, nose, and paws. It's been really cute to watch Tristan with him as well, interacting, and taking care of him. I am suprised he hasn't tried to smuggle him in his backpack in the morning to head for school. Shh...I know, don't give him any hints. :)

TTFN

Experience

Last night as I sat glue to the television, Tristan looks over at me and says "How is Mr. Obama doing?" I giggled at his little voice with such respect to call him Mr. and I said, "it'll be awhile, but it's looking good", he sat cuddling his new puppy and asks "what does the check mark on the red guy mean?" I say "oh, that means John McCain is predicted to win that state's election". He watched more with eager intent not quit understanding what he is seeing, but still eager to be in the experience. Frustrated he says "Heid, I told you not to say words I don't understand". So I explained what predicted means and he felt satisfied. Later that evening I had to also explain what sensitive means, because Frosty jumped out of his arms to the floor and he felt he had killed the puppy even though Frosty jumped up and ran to the soft carpet with such happiness that he bounced the whole way there. Tristan broke down with tears and I had to explain that I understand he is sensitive, but there is no need to OVER-REACT when the pain he felt he inflicted was completely unevident. He nodded with understanding and we move on with the rest of the evening.

Through out the evening I continued to watch with eager anticipation as more and more states turned either red or blue, Obama's number grew and at 11:00pm BOOM, the new President Elect was announced. I had goose bumps as he spoke, I had tears as the camera panned the crowd and people hugged and kissed and cheered with the excitment that YES WE CAN make a difference, YES WE CAN be one nation, under God. I am filled with pride today to have experienced a great day in American History. And look forward to positive change not only in our economy, but in our health care, and with getting the troops home safe and sound from Iraq so we can move forward in building and strengthening our military to help in a place where there is reason and need for American's to be fighting.

It's a happy day in America. Hooray for Mr. Obama!

TTFN

Halloween Fun

I have to admit it...my least favorite day of the year and I had a good time this year! I will upload photos soon...Thanks to Mer, Summer, and Cam for a great night of trick-or-treating and dinner. We love you guys!

I am really anxious for the big day tomorrow. I am keeping my extremities crossed in all possible places. Here's to CHANGE!!!

We got a new addition to our little family...a small white chihuahua named Frosty. Again, photos as soon as I can.

Just wanted to check in and let you all know things are good and I will update everyone soon!

TTFN

Pam Atherton Story:Why Some Smart Women Think Palin is a Good Choice

I know this is a little long...but well worth the read in helping us non Palin lovers, that are baffled by our smart women friends who are supporters, understand them a little bit better. Everyone deserves that head tilted nod of tolerance even if we can't agree right??? HA Ha Ha.

"I was at the dentist yesterday and the hygienist asked me what I thought of the upcoming election. I looked at this woman who had sharp objects in her hand and I thought it might be prudent to take the non-committal route.

"Wow! Sure is something, huh? Most exciting election in my lifetime," I said, eyeing those tools of doom carefully. "What do you think?" (Years of working in radio has taught me to turn the question back on the questioner.)

She told me that she didn't like Obama because he was "too slick, like a car salesman," but she showed disdain for John McCain's claim of 'I know how to do that.' She smirked at me "Well," she said "if you knew how to do it, why weren't you doing it? Why didn't you find bin Laden, and solve the financial mess?"

I nodded. (I couldn't really do much else). When she removed the buzz saw and pick axe from my mouth I said "What about Sarah Palin?"

"Oh, I like her."

Nowadays when people say that, I ask them why, largely because it is a concept that befuddles me.

"Well, she's gutsy. And I think she's probably dealt with the Russians, being as how they are right there."

We moved on to the economy with which EVERYone has a problem, so we were in safe territory, as least as far as my mouth and pain were concerned.

But the interchange brought forward something that had been niggling at the back of my brain. Why do some smart women think Sarah Palin is a good choice for Vice President? Why do some smart women like her?

This has been bothering me for some time. I have some very smart women friends and a few of them think Palin has what it takes. I don't get it. Why can't they see what I see and what many conservative pundits are falling all over themselves to say? Palin is not qualified.

I called my friend Betti Hoeppner, the therapist. She reminded me of a situation from over 10 years ago when I had worked for a man who was very smart about some things, but would not accept that he was a bad manager. Everyone told him he was a dreadful manager, and still he would not believe it. I was befuddled then, too.

In the course of our conversation she explained why. She told me that sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn't fit in with the core belief.

For example: You think you are an honest person. That is your core belief. But you cheat on your taxes. Cheating on your taxes goes against the idea of you being an honest person. This is a very uncomfortable feeling, the cognitive dissonance. You really want to continue believing that you are an honest person, so you may rationalize that the government "owes" you anyway.

But why do people hold the core belief that Palin is qualified in the first place? My friend Dr. Susan Bartell, the psychologist, was my next phone call.

"Think of it as a relationship," she told me. "Women are relationship-oriented, and many women feel that they are having one with the people they choose in the election. Some women say they could imagine themselves having coffee and pie with Palin around the dinner table."

All right. I get that. Not my thing, but I get that.

She told me that many women idealize their relationship partners. They see all the positive characteristics about that person and ignore the bad. This is especially true, Dr. Susan added, in the beginning of a relationship.

Okay. This I get. Who hasn't fallen in love with the "idea" that we have created of a person, instead of the actual person? And lots of really smart women have done that!

So for whatever reason they have chosen, some smart women have fallen in love with the "idea" of Sarah Palin. She's smart. She's gutsy. She's a woman. And she would be the first woman 'this close' to the Presidency.

And what happens when these smart women are presented with contradictory evidence? "Let's go back to the relationship analogy," Dr. Susan says. "When our eyes finally open to someone, we have choices. We can either get out of the relationship (divorce), or we stay and deal with the cognitive dissonance."

But Dr. Susan says that some women feel they don't have a choice. Their core belief is so strong that they don't believe they have an alternative. For example, perhaps they are strongly against pro-choice. Or they want a woman in the Executive Branch no matter what. Or they cannot subscribe to any of the democratic platform of ideas. At that point, they have no choice but to continue their idealization of Palin, thereby finding a way around their cognitive dissonance, albeit in an unhealthy way.

So in order to keep idealizing her, our smart friends either deny (that Alaskan report didn't find her guilty of doing anything unlawful), rationalize (and besides, they were partisan), or ignore (I never heard about any report. Besides, I just like her!).

The bottom line? When it comes to our smart women friends, we probably aren't going to be able to change their minds about Sarah Palin. They are either still idealizing her, or they have a core belief too strong to accept any alternatives. But at least now we know why these smart women are choosing to consider Palin qualified and will check the Republican box on the ballot. We just don't have to like it."


I am proud to say that I did my civic duty and went to the early vote booth last night! Took me 10 minutes...WHAT A GREAT IDEA EARLY VOTE IS!!! :)

TTFN

Just a quote I found joy in reading today...

"Any situation today could be a tragedy or a comedy, it just depends on the mood that you're in when you're experiencing it, and the mood of the storyteller who is telling it" - Radha Mitchell

I am sure I'm not the only one!

I guess I am suprised to find out more often lately that people that I love and that claim to love me have very large conditions on that love.

This weekend was another example of this type of recognition...

In my almost 39 years, I have never had persecution for the earlier times in my life with my religion of choice(LDS)nor for the more "real me" choice in my lifestyle of choice(being a Lesbian). Although I will always say I didn't choose to be attracted to girls, I did choose to allow myself to participate in a lifestyle that is "wrong" in the eyes of the LDS church...but I felt that my happiness is one thing I can reconsile with my God. He wants me to be happy and denying myself of loving and being loved to me is not his "plan".

Although I know I am not in the norm with never having been treated badly, I just didn't understand peoples fears in what "other's think" about the choices we all make in our lives.

UNTIL THIS WEEKEND!

I went to visit my parents in Sacramento this weekend. It was an eye opener, that is for sure. I know some of you have seen, talked about, or at least heard about the front page newspaper article in the Sacramento Bee. It landed on the kitchen table on the heels of a pretty passionate argument/debate my step dad and I had this past weekend.
I was raised a "good LDS girl", and with that came temple attendance, recieving my garments, going on a mission, and planning for that eternal family that is inevitable if I just lived "righteously". These things are things that I always say are part of the foundation of Heidi. I am who I am because of my past, present, and will continue to evolve because of my unwritten future.

My openmindedness and willingness to love without condition and judgment was something that I guess I believe everyone is capable of. But, after hearing some of the things my Dad said in regards to Prop 8 and why he is supporting it. I was overwhelmed to tears. I wasn't mad or sad about his position, I get it, I understand that the LDS Church has a very solid position in what Marriage is "supposed" to be, albeit that it just came to pass in the past 12 years or so. But my tears came from my dad's initial comment that he "wouldn't have this conversation with me" because "if we can't agree there is no reason to discuss it". After a little while of lovingly nudging we did finally have a conversation. I couldn't allow this to put a wedge between us.

My dad is very passionate about America, about freedoms, about his freedom to participate in whatever religion he chooses. He is passionate in his love for my mom, his second wife. He is passionate about his church and how his morals (although not) should be the morals of the world. His biggest passion about Prop 8 is that he doesn't want someone else to reinvent the definition of what marriage is. And it's his "moral obligation to stand up for those morals".

After talking about how his morals and the morals of his fellow congregation members and how they were persecuted in the beginnings of the churchs history, that his church is not the "norm", that his family and marriage is also a redefinition of marriage the way he is fighting so hard to keep "our kind" from being able to redefine. He started saying things like, why can't Americans see that one nation, under God is the way we need to be. I laughed, and he looked at me funny, and then said, "I guess that is what the people that want to vote No on Prop 8 are trying to get across". He sees that it's a civil rights issue, yet he just can't reconcile that with his passion for the Marriage Proclimation of the LDS Church.

I can't imagine his turmoil, with having a daughter that is gay, another daughter living with her "black baby daddy", another daughter who had asked to be excommunicated from his church because she believes in Darwinism and thinks God is a bunch of hoowie oh and also lives with her "boyfriend" of like 15 years. And still doesn't have a clear understanding of who his youngest son is either. It would be hard to have a clear line of sinners on one side of the fence and members of his "forever family" on the other side of the fence within his own "home".

I explained to him, I still have internal conflict at times with the "who I am and what is my purpose" that the LDS church ingrains in your being as you grow up through the ranks. But I am grateful that I have MOSTLY reconciled the fact that I am a good person, that I deserve love, and that happiness is what I am here to find. When I meet my "maker" we can then work out the small stuff. :)

BUT...thank the heavens above for my mom. She's going through her own journey in life with her own trials. And I am happy to say, although doesn't understand all the political and religious jargan, she is very much about "we are all adults and can make our own choices...let people live the way they want to live".

I love them both and respect them both. And am grateful that I have the opportunity to debate with them, to listen and spend time with them. My drive home with my Mom was a blast...we had great weather, listened to a book on cd, had many conversations, and just enjoyed the 12 hour drive. How grateful I am for that time we had. :)

Last night we went to see Dar Williams with our friends Lisa and Jocelyn. Dar is a folksy singer with her own "green" agenda. She was entertaining, and I think my mom even enjoyed it. I got her new album and look forward to our next concert/outing with Lis and Joc. We always have such a great time with them! :)

My mom went home today, she had her last doctor apt until the next bone scan. They ordered special medicine for her to help build up her "levels". She's in good spirits and although had a little trouble with getting tired seems to be doing really good.

She's off to a quilting retreat this weekend and then here and there for the next month or so. As she told me her schedule she laughed and said "Cancer wont make me sick, I am too busy to be sick!". :)

I am looking forward to this weekend, I just might get to go to a GLPU (Parents Group) event FINALLY this weekend, and then sunday I get to go to breakfast and catch up with Ky! I am really looking forward to that!

Well, I guess I better get going for now...just wanted to fill you in on what's happening in my little life this past few days...

TTFN

Marinating with these quotes

"The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune." ~Boris Pasternak

Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. ~David Frost

I pride myself in the fact that I am passionate, honest, and full of integrity and I also have a deep belief that people are inately good. Being this kind of person I have found sorrow in that others just don't hold onto those same values. So reading these quotes made me really stop and think. Thinking about the people out there that do in fact work so hard at success but yet still fail. I wish them the strength to find that belief system that is a part of their foundation and build from there. Start anew, knowing things are always as they should be, a lesson to grow from, and a beginning to something greater.


I have been very busy and very full of emotion the past 3 weeks. I have thought to write it all down but just haven't taken the time or the energy it takes to do so.

My mom's cancer battle is just about over. I am really looking forward to some time with her this weekend, to take some time to worry about her and only her, to take care of her, if only for a moment. To be a little bit more like her and worry about someone else and their needs. Something she does consistantly on a daily basis...it's never poor me! What a role model! I am a little on the nervous side because I have a cold that just wont start so that it can actually end. With her immune system being so wrecked because of her treatments, me being around her could really cause some problems. Please (if your a prayer) pray for her and me that I can get better and she will not be afflicted by my cold.

Our home life seems to be on perpetual hold. The house plans are mostly finished, the contractor has given us a $$ amount, and now we are playing the loan waiting game. There are days that I am so frustrated that we don't live together as a family, but yet, I KNOW in my heart and head that things happen for reasons and we are here today for one of those reasons. It's just getting through today to find out what tomorrow will bring.

With the economy the way it is, and with people in the world raising mass amounts of money to promote hate...it makes me wish I had all the money in the world and then some, so I could fix all that is broken. That, in and of itself, makes me chuckle to myself...because even though I don't have all the money in the world, I still try my damndest in that fixit role!

I have been getting a little more political thanks to Keri these days. I have a lot of respect for her, she daily is out there fighting for my rights and the rights of many others while I sit back and enjoy the benefits that may unfold. It's a bit like enjoying the freedoms that the US Military fights for on a daily basis, so that I can live the life I choose to live. I have taken the time to actually listen to the media (taking it with a grain of salt of course), watching the candidates, listening to their points of view watching their reactions and actions through the good times and bad. It's been educational to say the least, and a bit entertaining as well. I thank those of you out there that blog about politics, your opinions, your beliefs. It's nice to be able to take them in and find if they fit in my own way of thinking. It's like a little puzzle, someone might say something that fits right into my way of thinking and helps complete the puzzle, but then someone else will say something that doesn't fit and so I just toss it out and don't bother getting it all mixed up in the stuff that I haven't puzzled together yet. I do know however this is a time in my life that even if I feel my voice doesn't matter here in this big RED state of Utah, I will VOTE and let my voice be heard. Someone said something on NPR yesterday that made me really think...(i'm paraphrasing) if you always vote straight party all the way, even if you don't agree with something one of your candidates stands for, why would they ever try to make changes for you...they know they have your vote no matter what. Just something to think about as you are studying up on the candidates and their stances on things.

Well, I leave you tonight with a hope, a hope that your next breath will give you the strength to overcome even the slightest irritation in your lives, the hope that all your wants, needs, passions, and beliefs will give you strength to smile knowing today is the only day that you can call today, if it was bad, it's over soon, if it was great, it'll be a memory that will last a lifetime, and if it was just okay, make tomorrow that much better! :)

TTFN

It's been a week

So this week...these are the happenings.

1-My nephew had a t-shirt made for Grandma that says "Cancer ain't got shit on me!" and then on the back it's a scoreboard that says Grandma 4 Cancer 0 GO G-MA!. Yes my mom is a good little Mormon lady, but It's the cutest darn shirt...we'll have to update the 4 to 5 though. Yep you guessed it...she's got it again. This time it's shown up in her sternum. She went in today to be tatoo'd for her radiation treatments. She's staying positive, and wants to get it done so "our trip wont be screwed with" as she put it. I am going out to Sacramento on Columbus Day weekend and then she will be driving back with me...it'll just be her and me. I am really looking forward to it!

2-My dad came home from the hospital after his heart surgery with the heart of a 30 year old. But his lungs after so many years of unoxygenated blood have shrunk and now he's having trouble breathing. So they are working on medication levels and breathing treatments to get the rest of his body back to "normal". I went and hung out with him the other day and we ended up talking about how I am in charge of "splitting up his money" (didn't know he had any) when he dies. What a huge responsibility. EEK

3-Last friday was my last day at work. I got laid off again! But like I said, I had had a hunch, so thankfully the job that I was hoping for, the background check and drug test came back with a green light and I got hired! YEAH. That means INSURANCE! WOO HOO! That is a happy happy thought for a diabetic. Also the job comes with a 401k and pension plan. I will be starting monday! Oh, and although it's a 9-5er I can still wear my shorts. YEAH.

4-I finally had my root canal of the past couple of months finished this week. So glad that is over!

5-Topper (my adorable little baby) has had some problems with his anal glands the past 6 months or so. It was getting to the point that I had to take him into the vet every two weeks to get them expressed. Although gross & expensive, it helped relieve his pain and suffering. The doctor finally told me about a removal surgery that Topper would be a good candidate for. He is only 4 and with this many problems, "let's just take them out so he can go on with his life and not have all these problems". So I took him in yesterday to do it. POOOR little guy. He is having so much trouble, he's in so much pain, and all I can try to do is just hope the next few days go fast for him so he heals up fast. He can't poop without crying, and when he starts it hurts so bad he goes running into the house for some relief and little pooplets drop all over. Again, I know, gross, but I follow along and just clean up his mess, just like I would do if it was my own child doing the same thing. I am keeping him on his pain meds to help eleviate the issue and I think I might try to give him an enema tonight to help relieve his bowels. I will be doing some deep carpet/couch cleaning this weekend and again just can't wait until his little bumb starts to feel better.

6-I went to lunch with an old friend this week. It was good to see her, I feared after the "falling out" we had that there would be more silence then there was. The apololgy came with sincerity it seemed, but I am not sure that my forgiveness came across as I truely meant it. There were some ugly things that happened, some of which I am not ever sure I can ever forget. Some new information that was given that brought some disappointment and some other information that brought sadness to my heart. I love this person with a part of my heart that hurts in her absence. I told her that I don't have a crystal ball and I can't know what the future will hold. And I mean that...sometimes I wish I could predict the future. My gut tells me to stay cautious, so I will for now, but I don't want to caution myself out of a continued friendship with someone that means so much to me. So risk will have to be a part of my experience with her. I just hope that my love will not be in vain. I will continue to hope that I can be a better friend then I have been in the past and hope she knows that even with the pain that she inflicted...I am willing to continue to try.

I think that is it for catch ups...Treec, Tristan, and I went to the Fair with some great friends last weekend. I will put some photos up one of these days. I need to get the camera from Tree.

Tristan is testing for his Orange Belt in Karate this saturday. I am really proud of him and how hard he is practicing to get the moves down. We have been working on his reading and sight words every night too and he is doing really good with those too! I am really proud of him.

Guess I should get going for now...here's to another week almost over! TTFN

Labor Day Weekend

It's been awhile since I have blogged...it's been a crazy few weeks. Had a hunch that I was going to be laid off at work, so I started looking for a new job. Looks like it wasn't just a hunch...but luckily I have found that job I was looking for! And actually it's going to be a nice career move. So I am looking forward to the background check and drug test to come back with a green light, so I can get started. I have to go back to an 8-5pm work shift, but maybe someday soon I will be able to actually just work one job, not two, or three! :)

I found out today that my dad had to go in for heart surgery. It was supposed to be an outpatient thing, but they decided to keep him overnight just to make sure things are okay. He has had a heart murmur for like 20 years, he wasn't getting enough oxygen in his blood so his heart was working overtime. The doc said that he was the perfect candidate for this particular surgery, and in fact his heart rate and blood pressure are now better then it's been for years and years. So it's looking good. But it's not fun to see my dad laying in a hospital bed hooked up to all those heart monitors.

Labor day weekend was also Treec's 35th birthday. I planned a camping trip up to Fish Lake. It was a really great weekend. Two of her co-workers ended up coming up for one of the nights and days. We went out fishing one afternoon in a pontoon boat, and then the next morning we took out an old aluminum boat for a few hours. We found a school of Perch that we had a blast for about an hour just putting our line in the water and pulling them out. We also caught just enough rainbow trout to eat for a few of the meals. It rained a bit and the wind blew, we even had to turn the heater on in the trailer, but all in all it was a great weekend. I will leave you with a few of photos from the weekend.

I will update you more as I get more info about the new job, about my Dad's health, and about life in general.

TTFN

Update:

Tristan is home. Ex is a pain in the ass. And "enemy" passes, as my Delta friend calls them is no way for a 6 year old to have to fly. He was a mess when he finally got home yesterday (yes, one day earlier then last found out), but he is home, safe, and back with us. Now we have a few days of detoxing from him not having any parental guidance or supervision, and all will be back in harmony again... ha ha ha.

School starts monday the 25th...I can't believe he'll be in first grade! Just when you know it, he'll be in Junior High, then High School...then Treec will be sad because her baby will be going off to college. But at least while we have him close now...we can teach him the best way to be a good upstanding member of society. And I know one day he will look back with respect and gratitude for our patience, love, and guidance.

Saturday afternoon Treec and I decided to go to the most challenging lake for a fisherman in Utah...I swear. Silverlake up next to Brighton ski resort is miserable to say the least. The fish are jumping all around your line, you can change bait 40 times and they will still figure out that you are just baiting them...hell I almost threw them a few M&M's to see if they would bite! But it was nice to get away for a few hours together anyway...and it helped keep Treec mind off her boy.

We inherited a truck from Tree-c's grandma this weekend...we had to get it fixed...her (dumb ass) father decided to try to change a battery in it so he could drive it, put the cable's on backwards, blew up the battery and starter...luckily my dad and his buddy know what they are doing and they were able to fix it all up, now we just need a new battery and it'll run like a champ.

SO...if anyone is looking for a beater truck...I have a truck for sale (our other one) we are the 2nd owners, and have had it a year...it's a 1990 Ford F250, it needs a little work on the clutch. But it runs great.

My family will be in town this thursday through sunday. I am looking forward to them coming! It'll be a full house, but I can't wait!

TTFN

How can anyone be so inconsiderate?

So...as you all know Tristan went with the Ex this past week. They went to the Ex's new gf's sister's house just outside of New York and then I guess they went into the City for a day to see some sights. We don't know the extent of the trip yet becuase when Trist does call, it's conveniently placed in a time that they are running out the door, or have to "get off the phone" to eat dinner or whatever. So Treec got a text about 9:00pm last night that says "the flight we were supposed to be taking home is full" "I will keep you posted". Treec instantly get's upset (of course) and we have to talk though how things are out of our control, and we'll just have to take things in stride. Well this morning Trist calls, and I answer the call (Treec wasn't able to answer)and we chat for a minute. I say to him "hey buddy, what's your favorite part of your trip so far...(he tells me petting a goat at a park) I sure can't wait to see you tonight!" and he says "our flight is full and there's nothing we can do about it". So I say, "well, when are you coming home?" and his little voice says "I don't know, gotta go now bye" and he hangs up. So Treec finally get's to the phone were she has a text from the Ex saying that the flights today and tomorrow morning are full, so they have to fly to Vegas tomorrow night, and then fly home monday evening. I could litterally see the smoke billowing out of her ears! She calls the Ex and proceeds to get more and more upset, finding out that "they didn't do this on purposed, but they are flying standby to save money and the flights are all full, there is nothing they can do about it". So I head downstairs to my laptop, where I proceed to find out that there are 3 flights left on todays flight home, but that tomorrows flights are completely sold out. Treec may have not thought to look into the Ex's story to find out of it was true...but I sure as hell wasn't about to take her word for it! Why can't people be honest? Why does she have to lie, manipulate, and abuse the situation. So when Treec tried to call back to confront her on the flights...of course she conveniently doesn't answer her phone, and she has it set so you can't leave a voicemail. Makes us both want to fly to New York right now and pick him up ourselves!

Even with all the people that I know that have "joint custody" or have been taken away from their kids all together, and as sad as that makes me, the Ex's behavior would be what makes people like Treec think twice before she allows her son, her pride and joy, to be in a position of such inconsiderate dishonesty! She's abusing her rights as a co-parent and using Tristan as a pawn in her games. It's ugly and very wrong!

I do know this...Treec will NEVER let her take him on vacation again without knowing she has a ticket in hand with an exact time of arrival...none of this standby shit!

It's just really sad to me, because Treec trusted the Ex with her son, and this is how she repays that trust.

SAD...

TTFN

Tristan's FIRST vacation without his Mommy!

9:45pm saturday evening we took Tristan to meet Tree's ex at the airport. After many many long conversations between her and I, Tree finally decided that it wouldn't be fair of her if she denied the ex the experience of vacationing with her son. I convinced her also that we should encourage situations were Tristan is able to experience as many things in his life as possible. So they left on a Jet Blue flight to the JFK airport. We got a call at 4:00am our time with Tristan's excitement that after only 5 hours in the plane, which he slept through, the sun was up and he was ready to go...luckily we still had 5 more hours of sleep in our future. :) Of course the second Treec let go of Tristan at the curb, he ran with excitement because he loves security at the airport soooo much. It's his favorite part of a vacation. Taking off his shoes, walking through the metal detectors, he is compeltely facinated with the whole experience. Of course as we sat back into our seats in the car, the tears started to flow and Treec sob uncontrollably. I held her hand as I drove away, and then tried with every part of my "fix it personality" just to listen to her concerns without trying to convince her that he will be fine and she's being irrational. She knew it as well as anyone, she just needed her moment to be able to let it all come out. I am proud of myself, (as I pat myself on the back) by the time we got home the tears had stopped and we were able to enjoy the next few hours cuddling on the couch watching some of the tivo'd Olympics.
I would have liked to take the whole week off and made sure that it was packed full so Treec didn't have any time to get sad and miss her boy. But work, work, and more work will keep me from being able to devote all my time to that. But we are going to go see a couple of "adult" movies that we have wanted to see. And the rest of the week will be filled with getting things accomplished, cleaning, laundry, back to school shopping, etc. The days will fly and next saturday will come faster then we know it.

My part time job has recently become a second full time job. I have worked every day this week except thursday night. I am literally exhausted trying to work a full time day job and fill in were needed on my night/weekend job. The manager of the store had to "get out of town" on short notice(let's just say there were loan sharks, threats of beating and lots and lots of money involved-yes it happens in Utah too!) and so me being me, stepped up to take over the responsibilities of manager. I have had to bail on plans made (SORRY), and have had to pass on plans wanting to be made...but I know in a few weeks when things settle down, I will feel good about helping where needed and am certain will get a well deserved pat on the back. And honestly, in any job, what more could I ask for then recognition and gratitide for a job well done. It makes me feel really good! :)

My mom, step dad, little sis, and niece come into town the 21st for a few days. It's my mom's bro's 80th birthday, so were having a little family reunion. I am really looking forward to their visit. Then I am flying out to mom's in October for my niece Presley's 2nd birthday. The "homesick" feeling I have had the last little while seems to be dampened by the multiple visits...so I am happy about that.

We had a meeting with a general contractor a couple of weeks ago about the re-model of Tree's house. We were supposed to meet him again saturday morning, but that didn't work out with my crappy work schedule. So we hope to be having a meeting of the minds on friday afternoon/evening with him. He has some plans drawn up and some great ideas on paper. Now just cross your fingers that'll it'll be affordable so we can finally get started on the "moving in together" process! :) WOO HOO.

Guess I ought to get back to work, Lego's Indiana Jones is calling my name! :) TTFN

GLPU Campout...FINALLY!

So I can't believe it's been almost a week since our GLPU campout. Life goes so damn fast! AHHHH...we went up Fairview Canyon friday morning to meet up with some of the early birds. When we got there they were just getting their own tents and what-not set up so once we all got set up, we took a nice needed break and headed down to the lake for some water play and sun! Treec and I took the dogs and even though some of the dogs didn't completely get along, we were really glad we took them on a much need vacation too! :) On saturday afternoon I decided to make dutch oven dinner and dessert for the "pot-luck" desert and so I encouraged Treec and Trist to go off for some fishing...I AM SO GLAD THEY WENT! Tristan got creative and put two colors of power bait (Spring Green with sparkles, and Salmon Pink) onto the hook. He cast it out, and about minute later a fish hit his line and he started to reel! I guess it got a little hard but luckily Treec had the net ready and he landed a 21" Native Brown Trout. He was so excited...as they drove back into the camp they were honking and he was holding it above his head like he had just won the World Series Trophy! Everyone was amazing, following the lead and cheering him on for his catch!

We enjoyed Smore's around the campfire, the kids played and got FILTHY dirty, and we even got in a nap! What a great weekend...we can't wait for next year! For those of you that missed it, here are some of the "best of" photos! :)

I have no idea where my mind was...

This was a poem I blogged April 1st 2007 on "MySpace". I don't frequent MySpace as often as I used to, so when I pulled this Blog up and re-read the words that I wrote I thought that I would instantly be swooshed back to that time and know exactly why I wrote these words. Not so much! I do know who they are about, just not why then and what the meaning and feeling was behind them. Maybe that is a good thing, it's as if I have been able to evolve past that time and that person. It's nice to have that be the conclusion after the pain during the end of that chapter in my life. Just makes me realize even more that life is just a book, with chapters, chapters that bring in new characters, revive old ones, and sometimes bury the past so the future can be unfolded.

Thought I would share it...maybe it'll have meaning to one of you readers during this chapter in your life.

The beauty in you is so real it glitters
The beauty in you is so fake it shines
I can't stroke your ego
I can't put you on a pedestal
I have nothing to give though my habit is giving
If you have no expectations I might not fail
If you don't love me back you lose, not me

Your beauty is fading
Your beauty is lost
I can't stroke your ego
I can't put you on a pedestal
I have nothing to give though my habit is giving
Please expect me to stay and I might not fail
If you don't love me back, we both lose, but only for a moment

Your beauty is emense
Your beauty is insane
I can't stroke your ego
I can't put you on a pedestal
I have everything to give as my habit is giving
We will expect from each other and win for the moments we love

A lit'o bit'o Alex, Rachel, any other Rose would smell so sweet!

So I have a friend...she's an amazing person. Someone I have admired for many years, even so much as put her up on a pedestal. I have longed to be closer to her and secretly longed for her to sing to me (okay, maybe not so secretly...ha ha ha). She's someone, that even with lifes slight pauses, is always there when I call, email, text, whatever. She listens with openess, she always gives advice with love and patience, and is one of the most sincere people I have met.

This friend of mine writes with such intrigue and intensity, I always am left wanting more after I finish reading her words. She is an unpublished author who I continue to threaten, one day I will send her stories to a publisher and we will make millions! :)

This friend has finally come to the world of blogdom and I wanted to give her blog a shout out and welcome her to Blog Land! :) Go check her out...you'll be in for a great adventure through the mind of an amazing woman! http://quandaryuncensored.blogspot.com/

Hawaii

So It kinda feels little to late to be talking about Hawaii now that we have been back over a week...so I will attach some photos and some comments about it and leave it at that. Sorry they aren't in order.


My fishin' buddy and me! :)
Cool sea life in the clear ocean
Me and Trist on boogie boards in the beautiful clean clear ocean.
Trist buried in the sand by Aunt Penny and Uncle Billy
Ocean waves crashing against the lava rock at the beach
Treec, Trist and a Hula girl...she thought Trist was so cute in his little pareos, also known as a lava lava or sarong.
Trist and I at the Place of refuge with all the Tiki's this was our favorite place to visit while we were there.
More Tiki's
Chaka at the bay at the place of refuge
Pu'Uhonua O Honaunau or Place of Refuge. This was our favorite place to visit.
The beautiful Makalea golf course...thanks Treec for letting me complete an item on my "list of things to enjoy in life". Golfing in Hawaii is just plain amazing.
These peacocks are all over the golf course, like the geese are all over our golf courses. There were times when the peacocks would guard our ball so that we couldn't hit, so we would have to grab a chip from the bag and toss it the opposite direction to get it to run away. It was kinda creepy, but still neat to watch them fan out their feathers and just to be so close to them.
This is my little family next to our pool at the house we stayed in the night we went to the Luau.
Tristan at the Luau in his very popular Lava Lava
part of the Luau...we ate some interesting things...seaweed wrapped rice and chicken, khalua pork, coconut tofu, and all you can drink Mai Tai's...and if you took them up to the bar they would add more rum on top...yumm-o!
Us at dusk at the tidepools
a banana tree in our back yard, we also had a papaya tree, and a coconut tree
Treec at the bay in Hilo
Rainbow falls on the Big Island. The post cards show these falls much more then just this little trickle. I guess in the winter it flows a lot heavier. And each morning a rainbow reflects off the water, which is why it's called Rainbow Falls.
Us again...
Trist and Treec with one of the many many many gecko's we had running around our house and yard.
This is South Point - the southern most tip of the USA. The water was so clear, we could see clear down to the bottom where there was coral and rocks. There were a couple of guys cliff diving and I really really wanted to do it, but chickened out!

me chickenin out...
this is the Black Sand Beach. The sand is soft feels just like "normal" sand, but it's lava rocks that have been crushed into sand. It's amazing. There were about 4 Green Turtles eating on the lava rocks just behind the rock I took this from. The photos didn't turn out well, they aren't very cooperative when it comes to taking their photo.
Trist playing on the black sand beach
our airplane ride
another one of our little gecko's I swear everything is in Technicolor in Hawaii.
see what I mean? this is just one of the many flowers I took a photo of...amazingly beautiful
our first day on the "beach" lots of lava rocks everywhere, but this made it fun to see so many sea creatures, crabs, sea urchings, sea cucumbers, green turtles, fish,
our first day we found this little guy eating seaweed off some of the lava rocks. He was so neat.


We had a great trip, and I can't wait to go back again some day! I understand why people come home after a trip to the Islands, pack up and move the Paradise. It's amazing.

Hope you enjoyed the photos...

TTFN