I am so pissed off right now!

What a better time to blog then when your so pissed off that you must get it all out and then maybe just maybe you can take a deep breath and see some clarity through the chaos of the explosion! Tonight was game 4 (one of which was rained out) of our women's softball league. This week we were required to have our uniforms, and even though it was a little on the cool side, sweatshirts over the top of the jerseys was totally acceptable. Well, I have one player on my team to give you a bit of a recap, that has an abrasive side, we'll call her B. She is a great person, and a great player, but has a tendency to get over the top competative and there have been times that she has hurt and offended certain less competative and less talented players on our team. She's the one on the team that is loudest with wanting things her way and has a tendency to bitch about things when they aren't her way. WELL...me being me, wearing my heart on my sleeve, trying to please everyone, I have a tendency to try to be the buffer, to smooth things over so that she is happy. This year, I lost two really great players, who I have had on my team since day one of starting Crush, because they wanted to play on a team that they were just able to have fun on, that they didn't have to pussy foot around B. And they didn't like how she treated then. Well, again me being me, I thought, these girls don't want to stick around and play with my team, that is totally okay, I will stay loyal to B, 'cause at least she wants to be here. Well, fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, when I gave B her new uniform for the year. They are cooler then t-shirts, girls style softball jerseys. For the past two years running B has bitched about the softball shirts being t-shirts and how "HOT" they were, so I thought getting cool thin underarmor type jerseys would be a welcome change...Yeah, well, first thing out of her mouth is a bitch, about how it's a girls cut shirt, and how it's going to be to small, and how everyone is going to hate them. I didn't engage and just said, it's the uniform, I have a bigger one if you want to trade...or you can not wear it and not play, your choice, and walked away...I don't want to go into all the gory details, but for the past 2 weeks it's been a bone of contention, last week I didn't even get spoken to by B during the game at all. That makes for a fun team atmosphere. Well, tonight we get to the game, and like I said before tonight is when we have to have our uniforms on. Knowing full well she is doing it to piss me off, as she goes to walk up to hit and doesn't have her jersey on, I say again, "B, you need to wear your uniform or choose not to play" She got angry and said she would wear her sweatshirt. I said that was fine, and I am not sure why, but I assume that because I wasn't engaging in her immaturity, she got mad so she forced her gf to give her her super extra big shirt to wear. I again mentioned having a bigger jersey if she wanted it and she just walked away from me. Well, that put her gf in a position to have a jersey that she could not fit over her boobs, which looked rediculous, and as far as I was concerned didn't represent our sponsor very well, who paid $550 for us to play this season...After she started running the bases she realized the jersey was too big so she practically took it off, just wearing it on her shoulders...it was just immature and completely to piss me off! So after the inning was over I walked up and said to her "B, you can wear your jersey or not play...you pick" very matter of fact, I felt like I was talking to a 5 year old that was trying to manipulate to get their way. She told me to F-off and that she quit. I said "that's your choice" and turned and asked our sub to step in and play for her. She procceeded to attempt to engage with me and other players on the team for the next hour, stiring up controversy in the stands from what I was told. She kept saying she was leaving and then just never left, she was throwing a fit, and I was a little embarrased for her.
Over the past 3 weeks, I am not saying that I handled myself completely appropriatly, but it's rec level softball for crying out loud. We have a team uniform and all we have to do is wear it for one hour a week for a few months out of the year. Honestly, is it worth this much controversy and conflict??? After the game she continue to try to engage, and ended up getting my goat. She pulled me in and I even cried from frustration, I hate when I let my emotions come out like that, but sometimes I can't help it, I wear my heart on my sleeve and the past month has been so emotional anyway, it's just been the straw on the camels back.

I just don't get it...why do people have to be so unwilling to make adjustments for the better of the whole? Why do some instead feel that the world owes them something so everyone should bend over backwards for them?
I keep coming back to the same thought the past few days...it's as if this world is filled up with givers and takers, and the takers keep on taking and the givers keep on giving, and no one finds sanity or peace because the takers feel they are owed and the givers don't feel they are worthy to be given back to. It just makes me so sad and cynical the past few days!

It's just been a rough time lately! Thanks for listening...

TTFN