Tonight, after a great day on the golf course, and an even greater afternoon with friends, in the warm sun (where I got a slight sun burn)...thanks Mer, Sum, and Cam! :)
Patrice and I had another talk. If you don't know me, I will preface that comment with I could talk a dead horse back alive...I mean it, I talk and talk and talk, I really get annoying, I even annoy myself at times! Sorry honey...I will work on that. :)
But anyway...so we were talking and she made an observation that she got out in words and I have been thinking about it ever since. She said that when she gives to me, for instance, cleaning up the dishes after I make dinner...she can tell that it makes me uncomfortable, as if I sit there and feel guilty that she is doing anything for me. And it's true. I never recognized it, I never realized that there are times that when someone is giving me something it makes me uncomfortable...a compliment, a present, whatever...and then I feel guilty as if I don't deserve it or am not worthy of it. What is it about me that does this? What is it about me that gives everything I have to feel the least bit fulfilled? And does it fulfill me or is that when I feel the most empty?
I must sit with this and marinate for the time...
Here is an analogy to ponder over...
Have you ever served a ball into your opponents court, and then not trusted they will follow the rules and hit the ball back to you so you can continue the game, so you jump the net to hit the ball back to yourself?
TTFN
Heidi
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4 comments:
Heid's Thanx, for the wonderful day yesterday. We had a great time. Can't wait to do it again soon. I sooooo understand. I realize that I can do this at times also. We have this rule who ever cooks the other one cleans up but for some reason when I cook I usually clean up. Not cuz Merr doesn't do It I just hurry and do it. I somehow feel bad to have her clean up after me but I realized I just have to make myself let her do it. Forcing myself to do things I'm uncomfortable with, eventually I do feel comfortable. So through all this allow her to do it even when you don't feel comfortable. Your feelings will change in time. I've had to do it many times, your feelings will eventually change. Promise... Hope you have a great day. Sum
Give it another 5 years. In 5 years you will TOTALLY OK with Patrice cleaning the house :)
I think it's great when you make self-discovery that leads to marinating and possible change or compromise. I have marinated so many times you would think I would be completely tenderized by now - lol.
I think it's great that you are sitting back and realizing this..
I Patrice do that EXACT thing.. Well not so much anymore with La, but even if we have visitors at the house, I want to do everything for them etc. But think how good we feel when we do those things for them, they need to feel that way when they "give" back..
Sit back and realize that it's okay and not feel guilty..
You are a great person!
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